Don't Ever Do
1. Criticisms :
It's okay to complaint about a specific behaviour that your significant other has committed but it is totally different when you criticize him /her. Criticizing involves attacking someone's personality or character rather than a specific behaviour, usually with blame. With each successive complaint you're likely to throw in your inventory of prior,unresolved grievances.Eventually you begin blaming your partner and being critical of his/her personality.
It will cause a vicious cycle of never-ending blaming of the partner and you will never be able to solve the problems. A problem isn't a anymore problem when you try to find a solution to it. And there's no point criticizing, cause it'll only make me feel damn pissed off and I wouldn't be bothered to quarrel or even say a single thing, even if you're right. Even if you're right, it doesn't give you the right to criticize me, I'm not perfect neither are you.
2. Contempt :
In short, its just negative thoughts about your partner and you forgot why you have fallen in love with each other in the first place. It's just pure abusiveness in the relationship
3. Defensiveness :
When either of the partner acted contemptuously, the other will respond defensively and now both of you will just feel victimized and neither willing to take up the responsibilty. The way to break out of defensiveness is not tosee your partner's words as an attack but as information that is being strongly expressed. Try to understand and empathize with your partner
4. Stonewalling :
Stonewalling often happens while a couple is in the process of taking things out and the stonewaller just removes himself by turning into a stone wall and abandons all messages from the other partner replacing them with stony silence.
Surprisingly, I do stonewalling before talking things out :/
It's okay to complaint about a specific behaviour that your significant other has committed but it is totally different when you criticize him /her. Criticizing involves attacking someone's personality or character rather than a specific behaviour, usually with blame. With each successive complaint you're likely to throw in your inventory of prior,unresolved grievances.Eventually you begin blaming your partner and being critical of his/her personality.
It will cause a vicious cycle of never-ending blaming of the partner and you will never be able to solve the problems. A problem isn't a anymore problem when you try to find a solution to it. And there's no point criticizing, cause it'll only make me feel damn pissed off and I wouldn't be bothered to quarrel or even say a single thing, even if you're right. Even if you're right, it doesn't give you the right to criticize me, I'm not perfect neither are you.
2. Contempt :
In short, its just negative thoughts about your partner and you forgot why you have fallen in love with each other in the first place. It's just pure abusiveness in the relationship
3. Defensiveness :
When either of the partner acted contemptuously, the other will respond defensively and now both of you will just feel victimized and neither willing to take up the responsibilty. The way to break out of defensiveness is not tosee your partner's words as an attack but as information that is being strongly expressed. Try to understand and empathize with your partner
4. Stonewalling :
Stonewalling often happens while a couple is in the process of taking things out and the stonewaller just removes himself by turning into a stone wall and abandons all messages from the other partner replacing them with stony silence.
Surprisingly, I do stonewalling before talking things out :/