(no subject)
why'm i so exhausted?
this isn't a joke; this is real exhaustion. I feel like I've taken a long trip, but it's the end of vacation.
Last night I walked up to the top of the road when it was cool and dark outside and watched one of the prettiest sunsets I've seen since coming back. I felt certain that I would be back here next year, and when I said goodbye to Chloe, she said, "I know I'll see you next year, because horniness always wins out." What she meant is "I know you can't be a eunch for two more years." And she's right, but there are other things too.
Dad came in to talk--he has dreams for all of us. His dream for me is that I'll finish up at Whitman. Next year, though, I'll study abroad in Ireland or Scottland and study European literature. Learn Spanish at the same time, and if that works, he'll pay to send me to Argentina for a year after college.
What can I say? That sounds pretty good too.
I'm thinking that I want to start reading again. I want to start reading the way I used to, but it's going to be difficult unless I change my life. Doing THIS, being "this", I can't read, the focus is never on the words themselves; it's always on me. That doesn't work. If anything, I've gotta learn how to be less selfish for a while.
But I keep thinking about the things I want that I've gone to long without. I guess I've gotta break out...
this isn't a joke; this is real exhaustion. I feel like I've taken a long trip, but it's the end of vacation.
Last night I walked up to the top of the road when it was cool and dark outside and watched one of the prettiest sunsets I've seen since coming back. I felt certain that I would be back here next year, and when I said goodbye to Chloe, she said, "I know I'll see you next year, because horniness always wins out." What she meant is "I know you can't be a eunch for two more years." And she's right, but there are other things too.
Dad came in to talk--he has dreams for all of us. His dream for me is that I'll finish up at Whitman. Next year, though, I'll study abroad in Ireland or Scottland and study European literature. Learn Spanish at the same time, and if that works, he'll pay to send me to Argentina for a year after college.
What can I say? That sounds pretty good too.
I'm thinking that I want to start reading again. I want to start reading the way I used to, but it's going to be difficult unless I change my life. Doing THIS, being "this", I can't read, the focus is never on the words themselves; it's always on me. That doesn't work. If anything, I've gotta learn how to be less selfish for a while.
But I keep thinking about the things I want that I've gone to long without. I guess I've gotta break out...