monster ballads
my old porch is gone. my house is no longer blue. i haven't written in here since november of last year. guess a lot has happened. guess i didn't even know what to say most of the time. whenever people would ask me how i was doing, or what i was thinking...it was hard to give them an honest answer...because, i really didn't know.
i graduated. i'm unemployed. my mother told me to affirm fifty times a day that money comes to me easily and freely. it's not that i care that much about having money...but...yous gotsta pay the bills. and yeah, i guess i do like doing stuff that costs money. plus, i want to be able to travel and visit everyone...and just go places for no reason to see things i've never seen.
i haven't been in love in a long time and that is weird to me. if i were to meet somebody who i wanted to know in that way...i don't even know what i would be able to give him. probably not a whole lot right now. i feel so helpless lately about my future.
everything about it. i don't know where i'm going to live. i don't know where i'm going to work. just about the only thing i know that i'm going to do is have fun and take pictures and make music and enjoy the people i love. time spent. it's great. i suppose there's such a thing as responsibility and planning ahead...two things i've never been that great at.
to be independent, though, i realize i must do these things.
i'm so intimidated. i'm so scared.
i just wish i knew where i was going.
i really don't want to live at home...the thought of living with my mother depresses me a lot. a lot.
saw him the other night at the bar he promised not to go to because it's my favorite. some girl asked me to write my dreams down and he watched me. it was sad. it was awkward. but it wasn't too awkward that it didn't still feel familiar. that night, when i came home, i layed on the couch and understood that i will always be in love with him. in a way, you know what i mean. that love was too deep to erase itself.
i got through the muck, though. and now i'm just floating around...trying to figure out what the fuck i'm going to do.
2007 was the best/worst year of my life.
i am so grateful.
i graduated. i'm unemployed. my mother told me to affirm fifty times a day that money comes to me easily and freely. it's not that i care that much about having money...but...yous gotsta pay the bills. and yeah, i guess i do like doing stuff that costs money. plus, i want to be able to travel and visit everyone...and just go places for no reason to see things i've never seen.
i haven't been in love in a long time and that is weird to me. if i were to meet somebody who i wanted to know in that way...i don't even know what i would be able to give him. probably not a whole lot right now. i feel so helpless lately about my future.
everything about it. i don't know where i'm going to live. i don't know where i'm going to work. just about the only thing i know that i'm going to do is have fun and take pictures and make music and enjoy the people i love. time spent. it's great. i suppose there's such a thing as responsibility and planning ahead...two things i've never been that great at.
to be independent, though, i realize i must do these things.
i'm so intimidated. i'm so scared.
i just wish i knew where i was going.
i really don't want to live at home...the thought of living with my mother depresses me a lot. a lot.
saw him the other night at the bar he promised not to go to because it's my favorite. some girl asked me to write my dreams down and he watched me. it was sad. it was awkward. but it wasn't too awkward that it didn't still feel familiar. that night, when i came home, i layed on the couch and understood that i will always be in love with him. in a way, you know what i mean. that love was too deep to erase itself.
i got through the muck, though. and now i'm just floating around...trying to figure out what the fuck i'm going to do.
2007 was the best/worst year of my life.
i am so grateful.