Prisoner of Love
It hurt.
Every time he moved and sharp pain filled his senses, he was reminded of what had just happened.
“Ryo,” he let the name fall off his lips. The name was oh-so-precious to him, but when had it started to bring a feeling of fear?
He slowly moved to massage his arm and he just knew there was going to be a bruise there in the morning.
He felt hot tears just threatening to fall and he bit his lip. He didn’t want to cry; if he did it’ll seem like he was succumbing to the harsh, cruel truth. He wanted things back to what they were in the past, when Ryo loved him and they were normal.
He let a soft smile grace his lips despite his burning eyes, things were so fun and enjoyable back then. Why did things have to change?
Why did it have to be Ryo who acted that part?
At first, when the drama was still being filmed, Ryo was normal. They still fought every now and then, but it wasn’t like now. It wasn’t this horrible nightmare that he could never wake up from.
The first slap was by accident. Or at least Ryo swore it was.
They were having their daily argument and Ueda was making witty comebacks when Ryo’s hand came up and slapped him.
It wasn’t the sharp, stinging pain that had made him stare at Ryo in surprise; it was the fact that Ryo had slapped him.
Immediately afterward Ryo had broken out of his stupor and had apologized over and over to Ueda. But it didn’t make the fact that he had gotten slapped any less painful.
There was a bruise on his face the next day. He was teased by Ryo that he bruised easily, but he kept silent because the fact that the bruise was from Ryo hurt. And every time he looked in the mirror, he was reminded of that.
The second hit was still surprising to him. They were arguing over which shampoo was better for their hair when Ryo had hit him again. This time it was on his arm, but it was accompanied by a few other slaps as well. They were never on the face though.
Over time, Ryo continued to hit him. He lost track of time; everyday just seemed to be the same nightmare over and over. He had gotten used to wearing long-sleeves and pants even when it wasn’t cold and to cringe whenever Ryo raised his hand.
The kicks started later on. Whenever he was on the ground after a particularly painful hit from Ryo, Ryo would kick him. In the stomach, the groin, the places were endless.
The worst part was that after the hits, Ryo would bend over and kiss him gently, as if he was apologizing for every painful hit. It made him want to never leave the man, to endure these painful hits just for the kisses and the sex.
But it wasn’t ending. The hits, the kisses, the nightmare. He wanted things back to the way they were and he was actually willing to go through all this just to be with Ryo, but…
It had been going on for too long. People were getting suspicious and it wasn’t like he could survive being constantly beaten everyday.
But it wasn’t like he could ever leave Ryo.
He was a prisoner of his own love.
+++++
Ryo slammed his fists against the hallway’s wall.
He didn’t know what was wrong with him.
Every time he saw Ueda look so fragile and vulnerable, a part of him just wanted to hit him, abuse him. And he knew a part of him was dying with each hit.
He knew he always wasn’t like this, he didn’t always abuse Ueda. It was just…it had became second nature to him after that drama. And he couldn’t stop.
He couldn’t keep on hurting Ueda like this. Ueda deserved someone better, someone who would treat him good, someone who wouldn’t hurt him like he was doing.
But he couldn’t. He couldn’t just leave Ueda; he couldn’t ever see Ueda with someone else. It would drive him insane.
But he had to. If he didn’t, he’ll eventually kill Ueda.
With his mind set, he headed back into their apartment.
+++++
Ueda stiffened as he heard the door creak. He wasn’t ready to face Ryo; he didn’t want to get hurt again.
“Ueda?” he heard Ryo ask and he grudgingly answered. Delaying a response would only get another hit.
“I’m here.” His voice was weak, vulnerable, and soft, and he didn’t like it that way. But he couldn’t project his voice without hurting his vocal chords. “In the bedroom.”
He heard footsteps coming his way and he tried to sit up to better look at Ryo when he walked in.
When Ryo came in, his face was neither happy nor sad; it was emotionless so he couldn’t tell what the other was thinking. He inwardly braced himself; was Ryo going to hit him or…kiss him?
Ryo bent over and lightly brushed his lips against his lightly; his breath slightly ghosting over Ueda’s lips when he broke away. “I’m sorry,” he heard Ryo mutter and then those heavenly lips were on his again.
This time the kiss was deeper, more ferocious, but it wasn’t abusive; it was gentle compared to the many other touches he got from the younger man. He yielded to the other’s dominant tongue and settled in for a long night.
+++++
When he awoke, he found dried tear streaks on his face. He winced as he moved his hand to touch his cheek; every part of his body was sore from last night.
He tried to remember what had happened last night, but everything seemed like a blur. He remembered fainting…could Ryo have continued after that?
He glanced at the sleeping form next to him and he let a small smile grace his lips. Ryo was so peaceful, so beautiful, so much like before when he was sleeping, it made his heart feel at peace.
He absent-mindly stroked Ryo’s black hair with his right hand and then traced his pointer finger down past Ryo’s closed eyes, past his nose, and finally to trace Ryo’s kissable lips.
He had leaned down to kiss those very lips when Ryo’s eyes opened.
He almost let out a shriek as he jumped back and looked down at Ryo’s face. He started to stutter, “I-I-I’m sorry, so sorry, I didn’t mean to - I just, just couldn’t help myself.” In the back of his mind, he wondered when it became like this. When he had to apologize for such a loving action like this.
Ryo looked a bit irked but he didn’t say anything as he sat upright, his black eyes intensely gazing into Ueda’s. “It’s okay,” he muttered softly.
When Ueda didn’t answer back, Ryo’s eyes hardened, “Did you hear what I said? You should be grateful I’m not mad.”
Ueda shook out of his stupor then, he had been staring at Ryo when he lost track of his mind, “Yes, yes, thank you for forgiving me, Nishikido-san.”
Ryo froze at his answer and Ryo seemed to be battling with his inner self. “No…no…don’t apologize, Ueda,” and he stared up at Ueda with lashes wet with tears, “I…” the words caught in his throat and silence filled the air.
When the silence dragged on, Ryo cleared his throat and his eyes seemed to bore into Ueda. “I love you. Even if I’m sure I don’t deserve the right to say that to you anymore.”
Ueda’s breath caught in his throat, “I…”
Ryo held up his hand and his eyes seemed to be filled with sorrow. “No,” he looked down at Ueda’s chest, “Don’t say it. I know I don’t deserve it.”
Ueda was just about to speak up when Ryo stood up from the bed, glanced at Ueda one last time, and fled toward the restroom.
Ueda sat there stunned for awhile, before a single tear made its way down his cheek. Before long, he was crying freely, letting out a few strangled sobs.
“Idiot,” he muttered, under his breath, “Don’t say that. I,” he looked up at the closed bathroom door, “love you.”
++++
A/N: i feel sorry for uebo T_T
Every time he moved and sharp pain filled his senses, he was reminded of what had just happened.
“Ryo,” he let the name fall off his lips. The name was oh-so-precious to him, but when had it started to bring a feeling of fear?
He slowly moved to massage his arm and he just knew there was going to be a bruise there in the morning.
He felt hot tears just threatening to fall and he bit his lip. He didn’t want to cry; if he did it’ll seem like he was succumbing to the harsh, cruel truth. He wanted things back to what they were in the past, when Ryo loved him and they were normal.
He let a soft smile grace his lips despite his burning eyes, things were so fun and enjoyable back then. Why did things have to change?
Why did it have to be Ryo who acted that part?
At first, when the drama was still being filmed, Ryo was normal. They still fought every now and then, but it wasn’t like now. It wasn’t this horrible nightmare that he could never wake up from.
The first slap was by accident. Or at least Ryo swore it was.
They were having their daily argument and Ueda was making witty comebacks when Ryo’s hand came up and slapped him.
It wasn’t the sharp, stinging pain that had made him stare at Ryo in surprise; it was the fact that Ryo had slapped him.
Immediately afterward Ryo had broken out of his stupor and had apologized over and over to Ueda. But it didn’t make the fact that he had gotten slapped any less painful.
There was a bruise on his face the next day. He was teased by Ryo that he bruised easily, but he kept silent because the fact that the bruise was from Ryo hurt. And every time he looked in the mirror, he was reminded of that.
The second hit was still surprising to him. They were arguing over which shampoo was better for their hair when Ryo had hit him again. This time it was on his arm, but it was accompanied by a few other slaps as well. They were never on the face though.
Over time, Ryo continued to hit him. He lost track of time; everyday just seemed to be the same nightmare over and over. He had gotten used to wearing long-sleeves and pants even when it wasn’t cold and to cringe whenever Ryo raised his hand.
The kicks started later on. Whenever he was on the ground after a particularly painful hit from Ryo, Ryo would kick him. In the stomach, the groin, the places were endless.
The worst part was that after the hits, Ryo would bend over and kiss him gently, as if he was apologizing for every painful hit. It made him want to never leave the man, to endure these painful hits just for the kisses and the sex.
But it wasn’t ending. The hits, the kisses, the nightmare. He wanted things back to the way they were and he was actually willing to go through all this just to be with Ryo, but…
It had been going on for too long. People were getting suspicious and it wasn’t like he could survive being constantly beaten everyday.
But it wasn’t like he could ever leave Ryo.
He was a prisoner of his own love.
+++++
Ryo slammed his fists against the hallway’s wall.
He didn’t know what was wrong with him.
Every time he saw Ueda look so fragile and vulnerable, a part of him just wanted to hit him, abuse him. And he knew a part of him was dying with each hit.
He knew he always wasn’t like this, he didn’t always abuse Ueda. It was just…it had became second nature to him after that drama. And he couldn’t stop.
He couldn’t keep on hurting Ueda like this. Ueda deserved someone better, someone who would treat him good, someone who wouldn’t hurt him like he was doing.
But he couldn’t. He couldn’t just leave Ueda; he couldn’t ever see Ueda with someone else. It would drive him insane.
But he had to. If he didn’t, he’ll eventually kill Ueda.
With his mind set, he headed back into their apartment.
+++++
Ueda stiffened as he heard the door creak. He wasn’t ready to face Ryo; he didn’t want to get hurt again.
“Ueda?” he heard Ryo ask and he grudgingly answered. Delaying a response would only get another hit.
“I’m here.” His voice was weak, vulnerable, and soft, and he didn’t like it that way. But he couldn’t project his voice without hurting his vocal chords. “In the bedroom.”
He heard footsteps coming his way and he tried to sit up to better look at Ryo when he walked in.
When Ryo came in, his face was neither happy nor sad; it was emotionless so he couldn’t tell what the other was thinking. He inwardly braced himself; was Ryo going to hit him or…kiss him?
Ryo bent over and lightly brushed his lips against his lightly; his breath slightly ghosting over Ueda’s lips when he broke away. “I’m sorry,” he heard Ryo mutter and then those heavenly lips were on his again.
This time the kiss was deeper, more ferocious, but it wasn’t abusive; it was gentle compared to the many other touches he got from the younger man. He yielded to the other’s dominant tongue and settled in for a long night.
+++++
When he awoke, he found dried tear streaks on his face. He winced as he moved his hand to touch his cheek; every part of his body was sore from last night.
He tried to remember what had happened last night, but everything seemed like a blur. He remembered fainting…could Ryo have continued after that?
He glanced at the sleeping form next to him and he let a small smile grace his lips. Ryo was so peaceful, so beautiful, so much like before when he was sleeping, it made his heart feel at peace.
He absent-mindly stroked Ryo’s black hair with his right hand and then traced his pointer finger down past Ryo’s closed eyes, past his nose, and finally to trace Ryo’s kissable lips.
He had leaned down to kiss those very lips when Ryo’s eyes opened.
He almost let out a shriek as he jumped back and looked down at Ryo’s face. He started to stutter, “I-I-I’m sorry, so sorry, I didn’t mean to - I just, just couldn’t help myself.” In the back of his mind, he wondered when it became like this. When he had to apologize for such a loving action like this.
Ryo looked a bit irked but he didn’t say anything as he sat upright, his black eyes intensely gazing into Ueda’s. “It’s okay,” he muttered softly.
When Ueda didn’t answer back, Ryo’s eyes hardened, “Did you hear what I said? You should be grateful I’m not mad.”
Ueda shook out of his stupor then, he had been staring at Ryo when he lost track of his mind, “Yes, yes, thank you for forgiving me, Nishikido-san.”
Ryo froze at his answer and Ryo seemed to be battling with his inner self. “No…no…don’t apologize, Ueda,” and he stared up at Ueda with lashes wet with tears, “I…” the words caught in his throat and silence filled the air.
When the silence dragged on, Ryo cleared his throat and his eyes seemed to bore into Ueda. “I love you. Even if I’m sure I don’t deserve the right to say that to you anymore.”
Ueda’s breath caught in his throat, “I…”
Ryo held up his hand and his eyes seemed to be filled with sorrow. “No,” he looked down at Ueda’s chest, “Don’t say it. I know I don’t deserve it.”
Ueda was just about to speak up when Ryo stood up from the bed, glanced at Ueda one last time, and fled toward the restroom.
Ueda sat there stunned for awhile, before a single tear made its way down his cheek. Before long, he was crying freely, letting out a few strangled sobs.
“Idiot,” he muttered, under his breath, “Don’t say that. I,” he looked up at the closed bathroom door, “love you.”
++++
A/N: i feel sorry for uebo T_T