ohhhh... broach!
READ CAREFULLY BEFORE PROCEEDING.
Disclaimer: This is what I feel right now. Although I will probably regret this later on, I DON'T CARE. I will just write what I feel right now. Don't chastise me or explain yourself, because I will know what you will say. I know what arguments you will make. I must also remind you that I am human, capable of angry outbursts and incoherent babbling. One thing I will probably not do is APOLOGIZE. I am entitled to my feelings, no matter how temporary. People: if you really are interested in being my friend, this will help make you understand me better.
I hate being pitied.
I hate confrontation.
So I will just suffer in silence.
*takes a deep breath* Well, first of all, I'm not usually the one to get mad in these kind of things, but this time it's been taken to heart. What are you trying to say here? Is it some snide remark trying to be disguised as a friendly, helpful and wise (like, "I've gone through these things, I know how you feel, I know what i'm talking about, I'm smart, I'm filled with reflective anecdotes," and such and such and such...) advice? When I want anyone's advice, I ask for it. I was so irritated, that as I look back in that conversation, I was probably rambling just so I can keep the flow of the talk. My mind went to a state of mental block, I didn't know what I saying anymore.
Not like it matters... because no matter what I say, I'm sure the answer will still be: "nyah nyah. I'm (and I quote:) 'lucky in everything' (end quote), my life is perfect, I have a great family, I have the most wonderful boyfriend *at this I can only laugh mockingly*, I'm sooooooo talented, I am doing well in my studies too. How about you?" Ugh. Like a kid gloating over his new toy.
I'm sure she does not mean to hurt my feelings. But she did. I will not sacrifice what I feel just so she can she can feel even better about herself, thinking that she had just 'helped' a friend in need.
She might think, "oh, Bachi, she's just mad at me because of what happened with Gervin..."
No. I am not. I have long forgiven you, Gervin, and myself for that hoopla. What annoys me is what you might think. You might think I am still in love with Gervin, *Good God, no...* and I am still angry and bitter about what you did. No. I am not sulking in my corner, pouting because I've lost and you won. Life is made up of pain. Grow up. Deal with it. It's time to move on.
Of course, she might not think that at all. But last Sunday I might have had a glimpse of what she thinks. I said that I don't need a man, and she said that people who get hurt by guys a lot become cynical and tell themselves they don't need men. It's called pride, she said. How dare you. I say, "are you saying I am cynical?" then she says: well if that's how you interpret it....
double yu tee eff. Don't tell me you know how I feel. How dare you. I am deeply annoyed at people who tell me they know when they really don't. Don't even tell me you've gone through what I've gone through. I don't need your pity.
Why did I even bother explaining what I wanted and what I needed? Obviously, you don't understand. Why bother.
I am so upset. I'm in the middle of a psychological war... well, two can play that game.
I HOPE YOU'RE AS HAPPY AS YOU'RE PRETENDING.
Disclaimer: This is what I feel right now. Although I will probably regret this later on, I DON'T CARE. I will just write what I feel right now. Don't chastise me or explain yourself, because I will know what you will say. I know what arguments you will make. I must also remind you that I am human, capable of angry outbursts and incoherent babbling. One thing I will probably not do is APOLOGIZE. I am entitled to my feelings, no matter how temporary. People: if you really are interested in being my friend, this will help make you understand me better.
I hate being pitied.
I hate confrontation.
So I will just suffer in silence.
*takes a deep breath* Well, first of all, I'm not usually the one to get mad in these kind of things, but this time it's been taken to heart. What are you trying to say here? Is it some snide remark trying to be disguised as a friendly, helpful and wise (like, "I've gone through these things, I know how you feel, I know what i'm talking about, I'm smart, I'm filled with reflective anecdotes," and such and such and such...) advice? When I want anyone's advice, I ask for it. I was so irritated, that as I look back in that conversation, I was probably rambling just so I can keep the flow of the talk. My mind went to a state of mental block, I didn't know what I saying anymore.
Not like it matters... because no matter what I say, I'm sure the answer will still be: "nyah nyah. I'm (and I quote:) 'lucky in everything' (end quote), my life is perfect, I have a great family, I have the most wonderful boyfriend *at this I can only laugh mockingly*, I'm sooooooo talented, I am doing well in my studies too. How about you?" Ugh. Like a kid gloating over his new toy.
I'm sure she does not mean to hurt my feelings. But she did. I will not sacrifice what I feel just so she can she can feel even better about herself, thinking that she had just 'helped' a friend in need.
She might think, "oh, Bachi, she's just mad at me because of what happened with Gervin..."
No. I am not. I have long forgiven you, Gervin, and myself for that hoopla. What annoys me is what you might think. You might think I am still in love with Gervin, *Good God, no...* and I am still angry and bitter about what you did. No. I am not sulking in my corner, pouting because I've lost and you won. Life is made up of pain. Grow up. Deal with it. It's time to move on.
Of course, she might not think that at all. But last Sunday I might have had a glimpse of what she thinks. I said that I don't need a man, and she said that people who get hurt by guys a lot become cynical and tell themselves they don't need men. It's called pride, she said. How dare you. I say, "are you saying I am cynical?" then she says: well if that's how you interpret it....
double yu tee eff. Don't tell me you know how I feel. How dare you. I am deeply annoyed at people who tell me they know when they really don't. Don't even tell me you've gone through what I've gone through. I don't need your pity.
Why did I even bother explaining what I wanted and what I needed? Obviously, you don't understand. Why bother.
I am so upset. I'm in the middle of a psychological war... well, two can play that game.
I HOPE YOU'RE AS HAPPY AS YOU'RE PRETENDING.