(no subject)

[bacardi_gold]

i thought that being with my friends would make me miss brazil less and be happier to be back, but it hasn't really. the only people that i've enjoyed seeing really have been harry and sebi. have i truly changed that much that my friends don't seem like as much fun or interesting as they once were? things that they find funny really aren't that funny to me, their stories aren't very interesting to me for whatever reason, but then again i guess they aren't really sharing the same kind of stories that i have come to share with my brazilian roommates and my american buddies that were on the exchange too. is that a bad thing that you share some of the stories that truly reveal your soul to others or does it just make you stronger? i think that people think that i really am a lot different. they treat with an odd sort of i know you but i don't kind of manner. i don't know quiet how to react to this, but for some reason trying to convince them that i'm the same person that they knew before i left doesn't seem like it will go too far. has this amazing experience and adventure that i emabarked on eight months ago cost me my friends at home or made them treat me with quiet contempt? are they not interested in sharing their adventures with me and want to hear of my journies and adventures? maybe i will just not share any of them with anyone. i'll keep them to myself and enjoy reliving every moment without sharing them to some of the people that i care most for in the world. was this my fate that i was doomed upon starting my eight month long journey? it seems as though it was and is my fate. i still feel like i am only feeling with half of my heart, and that things are only bittersweet in fail compare to my memories. half of me is dead and only will i be complete when i return to a land that is not my own. ironic isn't it?

it's odd having that feeling that i don't know where exactly i belong here or there, but i don't think i will ever rid myself of it.