You don't know what love is, you just do as you're told...
So I visited livejournal for the first time in weeks today...
... and I discovered that I've missed it terribly. I've been hiding. Shameful. I am ashamed of myself, although I think you will understand what I've done and why. Perhaps. Basically, I didn't want to to deal with life, with the bar, with studying, with my lack of a significant other (and very likely continued lack of a significant other), so I decided not to. It's quite easy you see. All it requires is some mindless internet surfing, absorbative video games, good movies, mindless fun with friends, and some good books. The perfect combination for oblivion. I'd been holding onto reality by my fingertips for months, just enough to get myself through finals and relieve myself of the heavy burden that was law school, but then it was gone, and I had no reason to deal with the world and it's obvious shortcomings and challenges. So I let go and floated away...
But as the song says, "back to reality, ope, there goes gravity..." Time to come back down to earth and deal with the cards as they lay. You may ask why, in my oblivion, I ignored livejournal too. The answer is quite simple and I'm hoping you've guessed it. I am not proud of hiding, or the time it wastes, the time I will never get back, and why would I want to report on that? Why would I want to let the people I care most about, the people who's opinion of me really matters, know that I'm dodging my responsibilities and hiding under my bed. Better to just let go of my journal too. So I did.
Ironic now isn't it that I'm letting you know now, but that's because I've decided it's time to pick up my trusty sword and go forth to slay the dragon and all of his evil minions, namely the bar, the multitude of legal outlines, and all the insecurities that pervade my life. Time to clean my room as well. I think a family of raccoons may have moved into my hamper. Time to get things back into the organized chaos that is my usual state of life when I'm functioning on all four thrusters.
Perhaps it was needed. Perhaps my brain really needed a break from all of the stress I carry with me packed into a tight little ball about where my neck joins my shoulders. Perhaps I just needed to unload for a little bit. Perhaps. I do wish I could learn to do it in a more constructive manner though. I will not always be able to afford losing two weeks of time when life overloads. I believe it's a good thing I've never turned to alcohol, not just for religious reasons, but if I sought oblivion that way, well, lets just say I don't think I'd be a healthy drunk. ick. Don't even want to think about it. Or substance abuse of any form. Video games are bad enough.
And so this post winds to a close. It has been fairly stream of consciousness so I hope that it has made for a decent read, that is, if I have any readers left. For those of you who have survived the drought (it's been months since I've made a real post), I will reward you, I promise. I've missed writing, and I loathe the circumstances which purged it from my system. There just wasn't room to deal with it along with more pressing concerns. However, as a famous writer once said,
"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."
~Lewis Carroll
And now, I will study for the bar, and I will savor my days, and write about them, and find the good, and talk of many things. I think it's the only way I will get through this.
Love you all.
~Sean
... and I discovered that I've missed it terribly. I've been hiding. Shameful. I am ashamed of myself, although I think you will understand what I've done and why. Perhaps. Basically, I didn't want to to deal with life, with the bar, with studying, with my lack of a significant other (and very likely continued lack of a significant other), so I decided not to. It's quite easy you see. All it requires is some mindless internet surfing, absorbative video games, good movies, mindless fun with friends, and some good books. The perfect combination for oblivion. I'd been holding onto reality by my fingertips for months, just enough to get myself through finals and relieve myself of the heavy burden that was law school, but then it was gone, and I had no reason to deal with the world and it's obvious shortcomings and challenges. So I let go and floated away...
But as the song says, "back to reality, ope, there goes gravity..." Time to come back down to earth and deal with the cards as they lay. You may ask why, in my oblivion, I ignored livejournal too. The answer is quite simple and I'm hoping you've guessed it. I am not proud of hiding, or the time it wastes, the time I will never get back, and why would I want to report on that? Why would I want to let the people I care most about, the people who's opinion of me really matters, know that I'm dodging my responsibilities and hiding under my bed. Better to just let go of my journal too. So I did.
Ironic now isn't it that I'm letting you know now, but that's because I've decided it's time to pick up my trusty sword and go forth to slay the dragon and all of his evil minions, namely the bar, the multitude of legal outlines, and all the insecurities that pervade my life. Time to clean my room as well. I think a family of raccoons may have moved into my hamper. Time to get things back into the organized chaos that is my usual state of life when I'm functioning on all four thrusters.
Perhaps it was needed. Perhaps my brain really needed a break from all of the stress I carry with me packed into a tight little ball about where my neck joins my shoulders. Perhaps I just needed to unload for a little bit. Perhaps. I do wish I could learn to do it in a more constructive manner though. I will not always be able to afford losing two weeks of time when life overloads. I believe it's a good thing I've never turned to alcohol, not just for religious reasons, but if I sought oblivion that way, well, lets just say I don't think I'd be a healthy drunk. ick. Don't even want to think about it. Or substance abuse of any form. Video games are bad enough.
And so this post winds to a close. It has been fairly stream of consciousness so I hope that it has made for a decent read, that is, if I have any readers left. For those of you who have survived the drought (it's been months since I've made a real post), I will reward you, I promise. I've missed writing, and I loathe the circumstances which purged it from my system. There just wasn't room to deal with it along with more pressing concerns. However, as a famous writer once said,
"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."
~Lewis Carroll
And now, I will study for the bar, and I will savor my days, and write about them, and find the good, and talk of many things. I think it's the only way I will get through this.
Love you all.
~Sean