And I Ask Myself Again, "What Is It About Men?"
I feel hollow and sad. There is simply too much going on right now and all of it is truly awful and painful. I can't keep my thoughts straight and I feel so lost. I can't help but play the "woe is me" card.... but life really isn't being fair to me at present. I need some good news... something to hold onto. On top of everything else... I let two men get to me in two very different ways. I was weak and stupid. One abused me physically and then came back for some emotional abuse. The other I let trick me into caring and being vulnerable... and he hurt me so very badly. I feel like I am being attacked on all fronts. I feel so fucking daft. And the one I really cared about seriously did a number on me. Yet again, I let a man hurt me. I let myself think people are good... and that they are honorable... but none of that is so. Chivalry is dead. Manners and kindness and compassion no longer exist. And the rules of courting and how to treat a woman are long gone. Selfishness and cruelty have won and taken over. And it fucking hurts. I don't think people even respect me as a human anymore. I feel like a servant and a toy. In the day, I serve people all day at work. I get treated like shit and not a soul thanks me or acknowledges my work. Then when I try to go out and meet people and enjoy life and human company... I am abused and taken advantage of. I am tricked... and what little strength and hope I have left is snuffed out.
Ugh... I am rambling. God knows what I'm on about now. All I know is... every aspect of my life from my family to my house to my car to my career to my financial situation to my relationships... has all gone to shit. And it hurts. And now this fucking boy hurt me.... and I am so so sick of getting hurt! Am I really destined to go through life wounded and bitter... never trusting anyone? Because I honestly feel like I might have to. I want to lock everyone out and close myself off. I would rather be numb than endure this pain as often and as much as I do.
Ugh... I am rambling. God knows what I'm on about now. All I know is... every aspect of my life from my family to my house to my car to my career to my financial situation to my relationships... has all gone to shit. And it hurts. And now this fucking boy hurt me.... and I am so so sick of getting hurt! Am I really destined to go through life wounded and bitter... never trusting anyone? Because I honestly feel like I might have to. I want to lock everyone out and close myself off. I would rather be numb than endure this pain as often and as much as I do.