Passing Days (oneshot)
Title: Passing Days
Length: oneshot
Pairing: GDYB
Rating: PG
Genre: angst, Romance
Summary: Jiyong is married to someone else and Youngbae has to go and fight.
A/N: this is something that's in my head for a while now but i can't seem to write it well. *sighs* i give up! just tell me, how it went, alright? thanks guys! <<33 you all! XD
comments/opinions/critics are <333
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April 1950
Kwon Jiyong and Yoo In Na are tied together for the rest of their lives now.
Everyone is at the grand hall, singing, laughing, drinking, dancing to a sweet song, talking to someone else - pretty much having fun. Almost.
Dong Youngbae is alone in the balcony, far from the noisy room, hands in his sides, staring at the city lights. He should be happy that his friend decided to take the path of a married man, but he isn’t. He just can’t, but he’s trying to. He has to support him, cause that’s what friends do, right?
When he hears faint footsteps approaching him, he sighs slowly and blinks lazily.
“You know I had to.” the voice tells him, and Youngbae doesn’t need to look to know who it is. He knows every little thing about him like the back of his hand. They’ve been best friends since forever.
Youngbae looks up at the sky and answers, “I know, Jiyong.”
“I- I’m - ”
“Ji, I understand.” Youngbae looks at him in the eyes and smiles sincerely. “She’s pregnant. Treat her well, all right?”
Jiyong sighs heavily and blinks a couple of times. “For you, I will.”
They stare at each other, trying to convey the feelings that they can’t say nor show anymore and stay like that for minutes.
Youngbae raises his hand to touch the man in front of him but stops middle way. He breathes sharply and bites his bottom lip hardly to prevent himself from shouting what he feels. He’s breaking, and he wants the whole world to know how in love he is with his best friend. But he keeps his mouth shut. Instead, he softly whispers, “You’re beautiful.”
Jiyong stiffens and for a moment he thinks his heart skips a beat. He shuts his eyes closed, fighting the urge to let his tears flow and starts to breathe heavily. If Youngbae is breaking, he is beyond broken. Youngbae is everything he wants but the only thing that is forbidden to have. It’s a law he must obey.
Youngbae clenches his fists at the difficulty of their situation. Closing his eyes, he sighs deeply and looks back at the scenery before them.
The two of them both stay quiet as they struggle to keep their minds sane.
“It’s starting to rain. You should go inside. Your wife is waiting for you.” Youngbae breaks the silence and Jiyong feels like dying.
“B - Bae -”
“I’ll be there in a minute.” he says and looks away again, they both know he’s just trying to be strong.
Jiyong looks at him sideways and stares. They say that the eyes are the mirror of the soul and yet Youngbae’s gaze is empty. And Jiyong understands, he stole it away from him. He scoots closer and takes Youngbae’s left hand and entwines them together.
Youngbae laughs bitterly. He brings their entangled hands to his lips and kiss the back of Jiyong’s hand and then holds them in his chest, making sure the other feels every heart beat that screams for his name.
“I love you.” Jiyong whispers and Youngbae can literally taste his tears.
“I know.” Youngbae blinks. “I love you more.”
Then both of them pray silently that the rain will wash away their sorrows, cause maybe then they’ll be once again free from everything. But that isn’t destined to happen. Not in this lifetime.
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July 1950
Jiyong is awaken by the light taps of his wife.
“Good morning, honey.” she kisses him and Jiyong is confused. Then he blinks. Right. He’s married to a fine young lady, not to Youngbae. He still has to be used to this situation.
“There’s a letter for you.” she says smiling as he hands him the white envelope.
Jiyong looks at her, eyes full of questions but his wife just shrugs and walks away.
“Breakfast is ready, come soon, okay?” she says and Jiyong nods and watches her close the door. Though she’s four months pregnant, she’s still pretty and sweet and Jiyong thinks that if his heart isn’t already belong to someone else, he might fall in love with her.
He sighs and looks at the white thing in his hand. Reading the name of the sender, his heart starts to beat furiously. He quickly tears the envelope up and reads its content.
“Jiyong,
How are you? How’s the married life?
The conflict has begun and I’m on my way to fight for our mother country. I have to admit, I am afraid, but I have to do this to protect our families, our friends, our love one, to protect your baby. I’m doing this to protect you. I hope I’ll be back before December to witness the birth of our little sunshine. Besides it’s Christmas, I should be home, right?
Pray for us. Pray for me. I miss you.
- Youngbae ”
Jiyong freezes. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. As he holds the letter to his heart, his tears begin to flow. Then he screams, calling out for his best friend’s name, begging for him to come back.
---
Months passed, and Jiyong can feel the tension in the air. No one can be seen in the streets. The children who used to play around prefer to stay at the safeness of their houses. Not that they’re totally safe, though. The war is destroying them all. They are all afraid because they all know that once the enemies killed all their soldiers out there, it’ll be the end of their freedom, too. If Youngbae is afraid, Jiyong is horrified.
He’s standing at the gate - like he always does, day and night, since the day he received that letter, entering the house only to check on his wife - and waits and waits and waits for Youngbae’s return, burying deeply inside of him the almost impossibility of it.
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September 1950
He makes sure he’s the one who’ll get the next letter so when the post man stops in front of his gate, he quickly runs towards him and grabs hastily the white envelope. He hurriedly opens it and reads.
“Jiyong,
I’m lost and I’m tearing apart. I can’t take it anymore. Here, time never passes. We live in the worst possible ways. I watch as people around me, whom I start to cherish, die, even kids. We live in trenches, places where the cleanest thing that we can touch is the mud in our shoes. We are continuously immersed in the dirtiest things and we’re surrounded by illnesses. There are so many people dying around here, even corpses. The smell around here is intolerable.
We can barely eat, our uniforms are excessively worn out, we don’t change them at all! I don’t know until when I can resist. I’m afraid. I’m hungry. I’m thirsty and I’m dirty.
I’m sorry for making you worry. I want to scream and tell them how all of these suck but I can’t.
Now, tell me, how are you? How’s the little taeyang in noona’s womb?
I miss you.
- Youngbae”
Kneeling, Jiyong cries out loud that his wife has to run to him and hugs him and offers him words of comfort that they both know are useless. She’s crying, too. Though it hurts her to see her husband crying his heart out while desperately hugging the piece of paper she sure knows that comes from Youngbae, she understands him completely. After all, Jiyong and Youngbae had always been nice to her. She has always known what those two share but she can’t do anything. Life is cruel to all of them.
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December 1950
“Youngbae,
Christmas just passed. It's our first Christmas away from each other. And it's never been this lonely. Lots of people came to visit but I feel all alone.
I was waiting for you outside my house but you’re still hiding from me, you bastard! Where are you? Come home now! Noona’s giving birth to our little taeyang in a matter of days. Thought you’d want to see him?
It’s been months since I last heard from you. How are you? Every time I see the post man passes by, I run and search for anything that has your name but I just end up yelling at him when he can’t give me anything from you.
Please live. I’m afraid and I am lost without you. Please come home now.
I’ll be waiting. I love you.
- Jiyong”
---
Bombs are everywhere. The sounds of gunshots followed by the painful screams of soldiers are heart breakings but Youngbae has to run and never look back and continue to aim the enemies and kill them and never stop cause if he does, he’ll be the one to be sent in the holes. He’s trembling, he’s afraid, he’s weak and he can barely see but he has to gather every ounce of energy and will power he has to be able to fight.
“Fire!” his commander orders so he aims and fires.
But he’s too slow and his enemies are fast.
The next thing he knows, he’s crying. The pain in his stomach burns and he’s spitting blood.
“Yo - Youngbae. Hang on there. I’ll bring you in the nurse station.” his colleague carries him. “Hold on.”
“Jiyong…” he whispers and closes his eyes.
---
Yelps of joy can be heard throughout the room followed by the cries of the healthy and cute new - born baby.
“Youngbae.”
And as he carries his child in his arms, finally, he understands. For every new life, one has to sacrifice. So Jiyong cries and never stops for a long time.
Youngbae - ah, wait for me. If we can’t be together here, then I’ll follow you there.
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A/N2: well, how did it go? sucks, huh?? oh well.. guess i'll lock this! hehehe.. again, HAPPY HOLIDAYS! FIGHTING! =)
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December 2010
As the both of them stand in the balcony of their dorm, hands entwined together, watching as snow falls to the ground, Jiyong shivers.
“I don’t know why, but I have this feeling that this is a déjà vu.” Jiyong furrows his brows. “It’s weird.”
Youngbae chuckles. “Of course, baby. We always come here together every time it snows.”
“No! No! It’s not that.” He sighs. “I feel like this, ” he brings their hands up and points at the both of them “is meant to happen. ”
Youngbae kisses his forehead. “Are you saying we’re destined to be together?”
Jiyong blushes. “No. All I’m trying to say is,”. He pulls Youngbae nearer and looks into his eyes. “I love you.”
Youngbae kisses the back of Jiyong’s hand. “I love you, too, more than life itself.”
He then brings their entwined hands to his chest, securing them in there, never letting go, as if asking for Jiyong to hold his heart forever.
And so Jiyong does. And he’s sure, whatever happens, he will never let go.
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