B-Day Sex
Adam was talking to his friend at the bar, and he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday - she has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stuck."
His friend said, "I have an idea! Why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled." Adam decided to take his friend's advice.
The next day at the bar his friend said, "Well? Did you take my suggestion?"
"Yes, I did," Adam replied.
"Did she like it?"
"Oh yes! she jumped up , thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door, yelling "I'll be back in an hour!!"
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Beer Translations
1. "You get this round and the next round is on me." I'll be leaving before the next round.
2. "I'll get this round and the next one is on you." Happy hour is about to end. Beers are now a dollar, but by the next round they'll be $3.50.
3. "Hey, where is that friend of yours?" I have no interest in talking to you except as a way to get your attractive friend into a compromising position.
4. "Can I get a glass of white zinfandel." (female) I'm easy.
5. "Can I get a glass of white zinfandel." (male) I'm gay.
6. "Ever try a body shot?" (male to female) I am even willing to drink tequila if it means that I get to lick you.
7. "Ever try a body shot?" (female to male) If this is how wild I am in the bar, imagine what I'll do to you on the ride home?
8. "I don't feel well, let's go home." (female) You are paying more attention to your friends than me.
9. I don't feel well, let's go home." (male) I'm horny.
10. "Who's got the next round?" I haven't bought a round in almost 3 years, but I am an expert at diverting attention.
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How many Irishmen does it take...
How many Irish does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room spins around.
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If You Had What I Have
A guy runs into a bar and says, "Bartender, quick! Give me 20 shots of your best Scotch!"
So the bartender lines up 20 shots of his best Scotch and watches this guy down one after the other.
"Man," the bartender says, "I've never seen anyone drink shots that fast!"
"You'd drink them that fast too if you have what I have," the guy says.
"Oh my God," says the bartender, "what do you have?"
"50 cents."
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http://students.ou.edu/N/Trung.D.Nguyen-1/evil.html
His friend said, "I have an idea! Why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled." Adam decided to take his friend's advice.
The next day at the bar his friend said, "Well? Did you take my suggestion?"
"Yes, I did," Adam replied.
"Did she like it?"
"Oh yes! she jumped up , thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door, yelling "I'll be back in an hour!!"
------------------------------------
Beer Translations
1. "You get this round and the next round is on me." I'll be leaving before the next round.
2. "I'll get this round and the next one is on you." Happy hour is about to end. Beers are now a dollar, but by the next round they'll be $3.50.
3. "Hey, where is that friend of yours?" I have no interest in talking to you except as a way to get your attractive friend into a compromising position.
4. "Can I get a glass of white zinfandel." (female) I'm easy.
5. "Can I get a glass of white zinfandel." (male) I'm gay.
6. "Ever try a body shot?" (male to female) I am even willing to drink tequila if it means that I get to lick you.
7. "Ever try a body shot?" (female to male) If this is how wild I am in the bar, imagine what I'll do to you on the ride home?
8. "I don't feel well, let's go home." (female) You are paying more attention to your friends than me.
9. I don't feel well, let's go home." (male) I'm horny.
10. "Who's got the next round?" I haven't bought a round in almost 3 years, but I am an expert at diverting attention.
-------------------------------------
How many Irishmen does it take...
How many Irish does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room spins around.
-------------------------------------
If You Had What I Have
A guy runs into a bar and says, "Bartender, quick! Give me 20 shots of your best Scotch!"
So the bartender lines up 20 shots of his best Scotch and watches this guy down one after the other.
"Man," the bartender says, "I've never seen anyone drink shots that fast!"
"You'd drink them that fast too if you have what I have," the guy says.
"Oh my God," says the bartender, "what do you have?"
"50 cents."
-------------------------
http://students.ou.edu/N/Trung.D.Nguyen-1/evil.html