(no subject)
41 weeks now.
Just an update to say that nothing interesting is happening. Those 5-7 minute toe-curling contractions continued for 24 straight hours and then stopped. Yep. At about 2:30pm today they stopped as abruptly as they came on at exactly 2:30pm the day before. I had another afternoon nap, greasy food that gave me heartburn, and now I'm getting the occasional toe-curler thrown in at random but nothing significant. More like, "Just enough to remind you that you're not in labour yet. Ha ha!".
So... Curtis is now off for the rest of the week because after that I'm 5cm dilated and just sort of sitting here, contracting on and off in a not-yet-real sort of way. SITTING HERE, FIVE CENTIMETERS DILATED. I mean good lord, I can actually feel her hanging out of me. If I check my cervix, I can actually massage a hand-sized portion of the top of her head (which is so low she's about 1.5-2 inches in), and then she wiggles her feet in response. When she turns her head, I feel it in my birth canal. How insane is that? What the hell?
I tried to have sex this morning and Curtis and I both found it ridiculously uncomfortable because, as he put it, "I have to bend at a 90 degree angle". I actually can no longer have sex because there is the head of a small infant in the way. I just... what.
I had a cry this afternoon when my logical, "This is great progress" brain was silenced by the non-logical, three-year-old-tantrum brain that is screaming, "I will never ever ever have this baby and will do this forever and ever, amen".
As if on cue, the midwife called from her home and gave me a wonderful pep talk about what fantastic progress this is, and how it's such a positive indicator for a smooth and easy (not to mention fast) active labour once it really hits and how amazing my body has been. I'm so, so glad that she's the kind of care provider that's not pushy and paranoid: she's really made this pregnancy a fantastic experience for me. She's so supportive, kind and even with all the problems I've had throughout this pregnancy with pain and illness she's been so careful to never use negative language when speaking about my body or my experience, while also validating my feelings of frustration and pain. There's never been anything but proactive, body-positive and birth positive words and it makes such a huge difference in my ability to cope when I'm feeling down.
It's so easy to succumb when you're feeling vulnerable, and having a care provider that's there to put an arm around your shoulder and remind you that you're an awesome human being can be the most amazing thing in the world. I am so happy that I chose to have a midwife this time, and I am so glad that I met Jill. I loved my UC and my UP experiences, but this time I needed the emotional support and she's really been all that and more.
After her wonderful chat, she told me to go out and buy some wine to have a glass or two to ensure I stay relaxed, positive and continue having good quality rest. She firmly believes I won't be pregnant by the end of this week - though I'm not quite as positive about that - and is being my personal cheerleader for constant naps and eating whatever and whenever I possibly can because we should be pretending as though, "birth is about six hours away" from this point onward. I don't even care if that's complete bullshit, I like hearing it anyway.
Before she hung up she said, "The only two real concerns we should ever have about this stage are: maternal exhaustion, and maternal crazy-making".
So here we are with everything set up, a hose dangling from the shower head, waiting, technically half-way to giving birth while miraculously not being in active labour, stuck in baby limbo and sort of nervously wondering if things will go very, very fast once the real thing starts.
I feel a little like a car that won't start. Or maybe an RV. The kind from the late 70's that are ridiculously bloated and sort of offensive to look at.
Just an update to say that nothing interesting is happening. Those 5-7 minute toe-curling contractions continued for 24 straight hours and then stopped. Yep. At about 2:30pm today they stopped as abruptly as they came on at exactly 2:30pm the day before. I had another afternoon nap, greasy food that gave me heartburn, and now I'm getting the occasional toe-curler thrown in at random but nothing significant. More like, "Just enough to remind you that you're not in labour yet. Ha ha!".
So... Curtis is now off for the rest of the week because after that I'm 5cm dilated and just sort of sitting here, contracting on and off in a not-yet-real sort of way. SITTING HERE, FIVE CENTIMETERS DILATED. I mean good lord, I can actually feel her hanging out of me. If I check my cervix, I can actually massage a hand-sized portion of the top of her head (which is so low she's about 1.5-2 inches in), and then she wiggles her feet in response. When she turns her head, I feel it in my birth canal. How insane is that? What the hell?
I tried to have sex this morning and Curtis and I both found it ridiculously uncomfortable because, as he put it, "I have to bend at a 90 degree angle". I actually can no longer have sex because there is the head of a small infant in the way. I just... what.
I had a cry this afternoon when my logical, "This is great progress" brain was silenced by the non-logical, three-year-old-tantrum brain that is screaming, "I will never ever ever have this baby and will do this forever and ever, amen".
As if on cue, the midwife called from her home and gave me a wonderful pep talk about what fantastic progress this is, and how it's such a positive indicator for a smooth and easy (not to mention fast) active labour once it really hits and how amazing my body has been. I'm so, so glad that she's the kind of care provider that's not pushy and paranoid: she's really made this pregnancy a fantastic experience for me. She's so supportive, kind and even with all the problems I've had throughout this pregnancy with pain and illness she's been so careful to never use negative language when speaking about my body or my experience, while also validating my feelings of frustration and pain. There's never been anything but proactive, body-positive and birth positive words and it makes such a huge difference in my ability to cope when I'm feeling down.
It's so easy to succumb when you're feeling vulnerable, and having a care provider that's there to put an arm around your shoulder and remind you that you're an awesome human being can be the most amazing thing in the world. I am so happy that I chose to have a midwife this time, and I am so glad that I met Jill. I loved my UC and my UP experiences, but this time I needed the emotional support and she's really been all that and more.
After her wonderful chat, she told me to go out and buy some wine to have a glass or two to ensure I stay relaxed, positive and continue having good quality rest. She firmly believes I won't be pregnant by the end of this week - though I'm not quite as positive about that - and is being my personal cheerleader for constant naps and eating whatever and whenever I possibly can because we should be pretending as though, "birth is about six hours away" from this point onward. I don't even care if that's complete bullshit, I like hearing it anyway.
Before she hung up she said, "The only two real concerns we should ever have about this stage are: maternal exhaustion, and maternal crazy-making".
So here we are with everything set up, a hose dangling from the shower head, waiting, technically half-way to giving birth while miraculously not being in active labour, stuck in baby limbo and sort of nervously wondering if things will go very, very fast once the real thing starts.
I feel a little like a car that won't start. Or maybe an RV. The kind from the late 70's that are ridiculously bloated and sort of offensive to look at.