(no subject)
I've decided I'm going to make a new "of the day"-style feature called "Adventures in hyperemesis" in attempt to make light of what is otherwise one of the single most miserable experiences of my life. Because really? This sucks so hard. I spent hours and hours last night on the HelpHER.org forums, just lurking, reading other people's stories, crying, leaving to throw up when something someone said triggered my nausea... It made me feel simultaneously comforted ("Yay I'm not alone! Other people know this is srs bnz and not just 'nausea'"), and terrified ("oh my god please don't get any worse I don't want to be on TPN!").
Adventures in hyperemesis #1: realizing that I have to pee so bad that the heaving is going to make me wet my pants and weighing between two possible outcomes,
1/ peeing my pants but puking into the toilet
2/ peeing in the toilet and puking into a container, then emptying the container of puke into the toilet when both fluid-emptying acts are finished.
I decide that #2 is a better option, and then I realize the heaving has stopped so I might be able to successfully go to the bathroom during a break of heaves. Upon sitting down, I realize this is not true, and end up grabbing for a tupperware container of the kids' bathroom toys stored under the sink, flinging the contents into the tub across the room and heaving into said container in my lap while I mentally do the math about possible stomach content vs. the maximum fluid capacity of tupperware.
Fun level: 8/10
Adventures in hyperemesis #2: chatting with another pregnant woman in a cupcakery, who is on child #2 and has the most adorable tiny little round belly and is the epitome of glowing pregnant lady. As we reveal that we're both due around the same time (her earlier, though she's much smaller/cuter than I am) and just as I'm regaling how much I sincerely enjoy being pregnant I run screaming from the room so I can projectile vomit into the (thankfully private) restaurant bathroom for the next 15 minutes. When I finally emerge; pale, sweaty, burst capillaries in my cheeks and rank with hydrochloric acid she didn't bother to ask me to finish my thoughts. In fact, she didn't say much of anything else to me until we left: "Good luck!".
Fun level: 3/10
Related: I know I could just google this but asking people for their experiences is what I'm after, here. Particularly relevant are those with a history of hyperemesis. Does it do something to your digestion? Because it is 12:15 at night and when I burp, I'm still burping up the salad I ate at 6pm. It's not just tonight, it's like this all the time. If I throw up at 7am in the morning, I'll puke up what I ate at 11pm the night before... and if I throw up at 8 at night I'll throw up literally everything I ate over the entire day, right down to breakfast... except with blood and/or bile.
It makes logical sense to me that slow or weird digestion would lend itself to hyperemesis, but I'm curious if this is a normal experience for others with the same problem. I know pregnancy on a whole can slow digestion but this is kind of ridiculous.
Mom ordered a bunch of her papers from the hospital, including any tox or bloodwork done. They did run a tox screen... five and a half hours after admission and treatment for a diagnosed overdose. That means no tests were run and no exams were done prior to treating her for an opiate overdose. Nor was she rehydrated or given any attention for her breathing problems (the reason she was admitted, for the record) until past 3-4am. And - Surprise! - the tox screen was clear. No evidence of street drugs then, or ever.
She followed up with her pain doctor, who actually does work with heroin addicts on a regular basis and spent many years of his life handling the hospital work for those who had overdoses or near misses. He said that the treatment she received was "just cruel"; when an overdose is suspected and the patient is administered Narcan in the amount that she was given, they routinely put them to sleep with a sedative because the reaction is so severe and so frightening that it's considered cruel to keep someone conscious during it.
Yeah. So.
I told her I want:
1. All the admittance reports from the hospital, and copies of the tox screen, et all.
2. The ambulance report, to compare to later on and show that her symptoms not only worsened but many didn't even present until after she was given the Narcan at the hospital.
3. A statement about her dosage schedule from her pain doctor (who is also my pain doctor) and his prescription records that show she actually took HALF AS MUCH medication over the last week prior to the hospitalization due to having improved pain levels.
And then I want to give it all to a lawyer. I am so fucking pissed.
I've gone back to attending LLL meetings regularly so that I can start building toward the eventual IBCLC training. I'm going to take the LLL stream, and I was paired up with another woman doing the same thing who is going to be my leader-teacher person (there's a name for this position, I've just misplaced it) dig up my old LLL paperwork and have me finish it off so I can have my leader accreditation and start building up my volunteer hours. The hours I already have don't count because I didn't have a supervisor sign off on them, but that's okay because it's not like I really mind the extra experience.
What really sucks about this is that this year they changed all the rules for pre-reqs for getting into the IBCLC program. Whereas before I could realistically get into it by next year... now it's going to take me years of school to meet the requirements. Prior to this year you could get in on breastfeeding education and (thousands of hours of) experience alone... but now you have to have completed 14 university level science and psychology or sociology courses.
Holy fucking shit.
And the experience hour requirements are doubled. And the university level breastfeeding education requirements are doubled.
Two of the courses they ask for I once entered (communications and psychology), but didn't complete a full year of (I think I went through two or three terms) before deciding I didn't want to be a child psychologist after all... but that was also about 13 years ago. I don't even know if that shit still exists.And I certainly don't remember enough of the details to take a test on it. All they want is a passing grade, at least, and not an A+. It has been a long ass time since I've been in school, and longer still since I was on the honour roll... I have very little faith that I can be a top student again.
At least I know what I'm in for.
On the plus side, there is a huge need for IBCLCs in this city because we had two practicing ones that both let their credentials lapse and both run their own general practices so they don't have time to do it exclusively.
Also on the plus side, this last year three other women who are completing their LLL accreditation are planning on going in this route and there is talk about attempting to open up a practice together. It was hinted by one of them that I am welcome to join up with this troupe, which would be amazing. However, that kind of success is a rather foreign concept to me and I think I need to keep my head in the "14 university level science and sociology courses completed" part for now. Jesus christ on a fucking tricycle.
Images of the now (and then):
All of these are taken with our point and shoot, and all of them are shit, so don't expect quality.
Tempest at GottaCon (gaming convention), testing out a triple-screen HD racing game with immersive controls. She was surprisingly good for having never played a racing game before.
Facepaint! Design was Tempest's request (butterfly sitting on strawberries). This cost us all of $5 and the woman was so fantastic at what she did that I got her card and intend to book her for Tempest's next birthday party to do facepainting on all the kids who come. She spent two days at the convention doing body paint on anyone who would ask.
Feeding the ducks on a walk:
Xan being a dufus:
This is a gross dirty mirror picture (I actually cleaned it prior to this photo, but the mirror is about 35 years old so it tends to be permanently spotty) but I'm adding it in for other babywearers. I was testing to see if I can still fit a four year old Xan in the size 1 Hotsling I used for him when he was a newborn. The theory is that unadjustable pouches, when sized correctly, will fit you and baby throughout their useful life (so long as you yourself do not grow too small or too large for the size you ordered).
Success!
By comparison, this is when I first used that sling with him:
(Look at how wee he was! Oooh... my heart).
Knitting of the Day:
Frilly Janes - Mary-Jane illusion booties. They're actually knitted as one solid piece. The red detail is supposed to be a cherry, as this comes with a matching cupcake hat (with a cherry on top) that I'll complete shortly.
Also - felted winter booties, currently unfelted. They are a little freakish right now, so I'm hoping that felting really helps because... yeah. Not looking so much like the pattern says they would.
Belly picture of the Day:
26 weeks.
Growth chart thingy
And an overdue silhouette update
At 26 weeks your uterus is supposed to be an inch or so above your navel, and mine is not in any way, shape or form only an inch higher than my [lack-of-navel]. This baby is well nested up under my ribs and is getting her knee stuck up in there on a daily basis. It's so uncomfortable that I'm spending hours of every day doing all sorts of strange positioning and yoga moves to try and get her out. Unsuccessfully, I might add. The only thing that she responds to is when Curtis talks to her.
I don't remember carrying my babies in my ribcage at this stage of pregnancy the last few times. I'm sure it took until at least 30-something weeks to feel this crowded. When I compared my belly photos of Xan at around this stage, the difference in how I'm carrying is pretty dramatic:
I'm carrying so much higher with this baby. No wonder I feel like she's three feet tall.
Quotes of the Day:
Xan: Will you ever stop throwing up?
Me: When the baby is born, probably.
Xan: *exasperated noise* UGH! It is taking FOREVER. *after a moment of thought* Can you throw the baby up?
I considered telling him that the baby was trying to come out that way, but it just wasn't working.
Tempest has taken to introducing my belly to everyone I stop and talk to. Today she even went as far as to unzip my coat and start patting my stomach when I was approached by a cousin of mine I hadn't seen in about 4 years.
"This is going to be our new baby sister!" she says, "But she's still inside for now."
Today was Freja's 5th birthday party, which we attended on the island at LC's mother's house (while her parents weren't home, which is probably for the best). The trip was surprisingly successful considering the HG bullshit. I took an extra strong dose of Zofran and Diclectin, and took an extra dose with me just in case. I made it on the ferry and the bus there okay, but got sick by the time we were at the party. I managed to eat some food, but it didn't last. However, the nausea stayed pretty moderate for the remainder of the trip and I managed not to puke on the bus or boat ride home. This is a victory!
Anyway.
When we got there we sat down crafting for a while on the couch watching the kids play, and after about 20 minutes I stood up and went to try eating some food. Freja stopped cold and shouted, "You have a baby in your belly!"
LC, looking rather shocked, said, "Well... yeah. You already knew that!"
Freja ignored her and continued announcing in amazement that I was going to have a baby. It was like she seriously didn't realize it before now. She approached me excitedly and proceeded to tell me the story of her sister's birth.
"... Once my mom had a baby in her belly, did you know that?"
"Um, yes I did! You mean Aaliyah, right?"
"YEAH. And then, and then, she got a bigger belly like that and then Aaliayh went WHOOSH out of her vagina!"
"That's exciting!"
"AND INTO A POOL! In our HOUSE!"
"I'm going to have my baby in a pool, too! Probably the same pool, actually."
"WITH BLOOD AND A MONSTER THING--" by which she meant the placenta. At this point she was interrupted by another birthday goer and lost her train of thought. I love kids.
Links of the Day:
Back to the Future - I've seen a couple of small time projects similar to this, but none that were done as well (or as perfectly... damn!) as this guy. A photographer in Buenos Aires has taken on a project of recreating old family photos exactly as they appeared originally to show how time has passed. The results are pretty fucking awesome.
Intent! It's fucking magic! - Self explanatory. Oldie but a goodie.
Adventures in hyperemesis #1: realizing that I have to pee so bad that the heaving is going to make me wet my pants and weighing between two possible outcomes,
1/ peeing my pants but puking into the toilet
2/ peeing in the toilet and puking into a container, then emptying the container of puke into the toilet when both fluid-emptying acts are finished.
I decide that #2 is a better option, and then I realize the heaving has stopped so I might be able to successfully go to the bathroom during a break of heaves. Upon sitting down, I realize this is not true, and end up grabbing for a tupperware container of the kids' bathroom toys stored under the sink, flinging the contents into the tub across the room and heaving into said container in my lap while I mentally do the math about possible stomach content vs. the maximum fluid capacity of tupperware.
Fun level: 8/10
Adventures in hyperemesis #2: chatting with another pregnant woman in a cupcakery, who is on child #2 and has the most adorable tiny little round belly and is the epitome of glowing pregnant lady. As we reveal that we're both due around the same time (her earlier, though she's much smaller/cuter than I am) and just as I'm regaling how much I sincerely enjoy being pregnant I run screaming from the room so I can projectile vomit into the (thankfully private) restaurant bathroom for the next 15 minutes. When I finally emerge; pale, sweaty, burst capillaries in my cheeks and rank with hydrochloric acid she didn't bother to ask me to finish my thoughts. In fact, she didn't say much of anything else to me until we left: "Good luck!".
Fun level: 3/10
Related: I know I could just google this but asking people for their experiences is what I'm after, here. Particularly relevant are those with a history of hyperemesis. Does it do something to your digestion? Because it is 12:15 at night and when I burp, I'm still burping up the salad I ate at 6pm. It's not just tonight, it's like this all the time. If I throw up at 7am in the morning, I'll puke up what I ate at 11pm the night before... and if I throw up at 8 at night I'll throw up literally everything I ate over the entire day, right down to breakfast... except with blood and/or bile.
It makes logical sense to me that slow or weird digestion would lend itself to hyperemesis, but I'm curious if this is a normal experience for others with the same problem. I know pregnancy on a whole can slow digestion but this is kind of ridiculous.
Mom ordered a bunch of her papers from the hospital, including any tox or bloodwork done. They did run a tox screen... five and a half hours after admission and treatment for a diagnosed overdose. That means no tests were run and no exams were done prior to treating her for an opiate overdose. Nor was she rehydrated or given any attention for her breathing problems (the reason she was admitted, for the record) until past 3-4am. And - Surprise! - the tox screen was clear. No evidence of street drugs then, or ever.
She followed up with her pain doctor, who actually does work with heroin addicts on a regular basis and spent many years of his life handling the hospital work for those who had overdoses or near misses. He said that the treatment she received was "just cruel"; when an overdose is suspected and the patient is administered Narcan in the amount that she was given, they routinely put them to sleep with a sedative because the reaction is so severe and so frightening that it's considered cruel to keep someone conscious during it.
Yeah. So.
I told her I want:
1. All the admittance reports from the hospital, and copies of the tox screen, et all.
2. The ambulance report, to compare to later on and show that her symptoms not only worsened but many didn't even present until after she was given the Narcan at the hospital.
3. A statement about her dosage schedule from her pain doctor (who is also my pain doctor) and his prescription records that show she actually took HALF AS MUCH medication over the last week prior to the hospitalization due to having improved pain levels.
And then I want to give it all to a lawyer. I am so fucking pissed.
I've gone back to attending LLL meetings regularly so that I can start building toward the eventual IBCLC training. I'm going to take the LLL stream, and I was paired up with another woman doing the same thing who is going to be my leader-teacher person (there's a name for this position, I've just misplaced it) dig up my old LLL paperwork and have me finish it off so I can have my leader accreditation and start building up my volunteer hours. The hours I already have don't count because I didn't have a supervisor sign off on them, but that's okay because it's not like I really mind the extra experience.
What really sucks about this is that this year they changed all the rules for pre-reqs for getting into the IBCLC program. Whereas before I could realistically get into it by next year... now it's going to take me years of school to meet the requirements. Prior to this year you could get in on breastfeeding education and (thousands of hours of) experience alone... but now you have to have completed 14 university level science and psychology or sociology courses.
Holy fucking shit.
And the experience hour requirements are doubled. And the university level breastfeeding education requirements are doubled.
Two of the courses they ask for I once entered (communications and psychology), but didn't complete a full year of (I think I went through two or three terms) before deciding I didn't want to be a child psychologist after all... but that was also about 13 years ago. I don't even know if that shit still exists.And I certainly don't remember enough of the details to take a test on it. All they want is a passing grade, at least, and not an A+. It has been a long ass time since I've been in school, and longer still since I was on the honour roll... I have very little faith that I can be a top student again.
At least I know what I'm in for.
On the plus side, there is a huge need for IBCLCs in this city because we had two practicing ones that both let their credentials lapse and both run their own general practices so they don't have time to do it exclusively.
Also on the plus side, this last year three other women who are completing their LLL accreditation are planning on going in this route and there is talk about attempting to open up a practice together. It was hinted by one of them that I am welcome to join up with this troupe, which would be amazing. However, that kind of success is a rather foreign concept to me and I think I need to keep my head in the "14 university level science and sociology courses completed" part for now. Jesus christ on a fucking tricycle.
Images of the now (and then):
All of these are taken with our point and shoot, and all of them are shit, so don't expect quality.
Tempest at GottaCon (gaming convention), testing out a triple-screen HD racing game with immersive controls. She was surprisingly good for having never played a racing game before.
Facepaint! Design was Tempest's request (butterfly sitting on strawberries). This cost us all of $5 and the woman was so fantastic at what she did that I got her card and intend to book her for Tempest's next birthday party to do facepainting on all the kids who come. She spent two days at the convention doing body paint on anyone who would ask.
Feeding the ducks on a walk:
Xan being a dufus:
This is a gross dirty mirror picture (I actually cleaned it prior to this photo, but the mirror is about 35 years old so it tends to be permanently spotty) but I'm adding it in for other babywearers. I was testing to see if I can still fit a four year old Xan in the size 1 Hotsling I used for him when he was a newborn. The theory is that unadjustable pouches, when sized correctly, will fit you and baby throughout their useful life (so long as you yourself do not grow too small or too large for the size you ordered).
Success!
By comparison, this is when I first used that sling with him:
(Look at how wee he was! Oooh... my heart).
Knitting of the Day:
Frilly Janes - Mary-Jane illusion booties. They're actually knitted as one solid piece. The red detail is supposed to be a cherry, as this comes with a matching cupcake hat (with a cherry on top) that I'll complete shortly.
Also - felted winter booties, currently unfelted. They are a little freakish right now, so I'm hoping that felting really helps because... yeah. Not looking so much like the pattern says they would.
Belly picture of the Day:
26 weeks.
Growth chart thingy
And an overdue silhouette update
At 26 weeks your uterus is supposed to be an inch or so above your navel, and mine is not in any way, shape or form only an inch higher than my [lack-of-navel]. This baby is well nested up under my ribs and is getting her knee stuck up in there on a daily basis. It's so uncomfortable that I'm spending hours of every day doing all sorts of strange positioning and yoga moves to try and get her out. Unsuccessfully, I might add. The only thing that she responds to is when Curtis talks to her.
I don't remember carrying my babies in my ribcage at this stage of pregnancy the last few times. I'm sure it took until at least 30-something weeks to feel this crowded. When I compared my belly photos of Xan at around this stage, the difference in how I'm carrying is pretty dramatic:
I'm carrying so much higher with this baby. No wonder I feel like she's three feet tall.
Quotes of the Day:
Xan: Will you ever stop throwing up?
Me: When the baby is born, probably.
Xan: *exasperated noise* UGH! It is taking FOREVER. *after a moment of thought* Can you throw the baby up?
I considered telling him that the baby was trying to come out that way, but it just wasn't working.
Tempest has taken to introducing my belly to everyone I stop and talk to. Today she even went as far as to unzip my coat and start patting my stomach when I was approached by a cousin of mine I hadn't seen in about 4 years.
"This is going to be our new baby sister!" she says, "But she's still inside for now."
Today was Freja's 5th birthday party, which we attended on the island at LC's mother's house (while her parents weren't home, which is probably for the best). The trip was surprisingly successful considering the HG bullshit. I took an extra strong dose of Zofran and Diclectin, and took an extra dose with me just in case. I made it on the ferry and the bus there okay, but got sick by the time we were at the party. I managed to eat some food, but it didn't last. However, the nausea stayed pretty moderate for the remainder of the trip and I managed not to puke on the bus or boat ride home. This is a victory!
Anyway.
When we got there we sat down crafting for a while on the couch watching the kids play, and after about 20 minutes I stood up and went to try eating some food. Freja stopped cold and shouted, "You have a baby in your belly!"
LC, looking rather shocked, said, "Well... yeah. You already knew that!"
Freja ignored her and continued announcing in amazement that I was going to have a baby. It was like she seriously didn't realize it before now. She approached me excitedly and proceeded to tell me the story of her sister's birth.
"... Once my mom had a baby in her belly, did you know that?"
"Um, yes I did! You mean Aaliyah, right?"
"YEAH. And then, and then, she got a bigger belly like that and then Aaliayh went WHOOSH out of her vagina!"
"That's exciting!"
"AND INTO A POOL! In our HOUSE!"
"I'm going to have my baby in a pool, too! Probably the same pool, actually."
"WITH BLOOD AND A MONSTER THING--" by which she meant the placenta. At this point she was interrupted by another birthday goer and lost her train of thought. I love kids.
Links of the Day:
Back to the Future - I've seen a couple of small time projects similar to this, but none that were done as well (or as perfectly... damn!) as this guy. A photographer in Buenos Aires has taken on a project of recreating old family photos exactly as they appeared originally to show how time has passed. The results are pretty fucking awesome.
Intent! It's fucking magic! - Self explanatory. Oldie but a goodie.