im a fool
3rd anniversary, was the best day of my life. i loved that he dressed up, sprayed the familiar scent, wore my scarf and our watch. he looked so handsome. he wrapped us a gift, our dream house, with our alessia and us. its the most special gift to me, and i'll never want any of this to be taken away. he made research and planned a surprise lunch. everything went so perfectly....
so perfectly to be ruined in my hands later. why joanne? why did you forget?
ive never blamed myself for something so much before because most of the times we fight, it took two hands to clap. right now, i can only live in this.
i didnt cheat. i raelly didnt. i really didnt think so much. it really meant nothing.
boncet was a friend i know 3 years back, earlier than i get to know you. because of him, i met you and im still very thankful for that. before i know you and the reason why u fell in love with me, was of my barney character. i often pictured myself as a boy, you know, buddy with everyone. i often forgot where i stand, whom i really am. i fell out with boncet over no reason and i was upset. i even felt bad for you because u may have distant urself from this friend because of me. and i dont want that.
so on nye, you said either to join boncet or zaf. the fact is i wanted neither. i wanted just us. but... i dont want u to be bored. i wanted to just go somewhere and lay in ur arms, count down till dawn. but i guess, partying the night away will be a better choice. i should have stayed with what i wanted. we chose boncet because zaf side is really awkward.
I was really sad already because i really dont want to go. but eventually when we arrive, things werent as bad as it seems. the girls are nice. shida is nice. she is so cute. i promise myself not to drink, because i know, i am not a good drinker and culture of a drunk drinker. but no choice. i drank and talked to boncet and asked what happen. im glad all's over and we are still friends. i gave a friendly hug. that was really nothing. really. so i sat at the corner of the sofa, talking to anne. boncet came to join us by sitting next to me. i didnt, i really didnt intentionally sit closer. i didnt move an inch. he is so fat, i guess he had to put his hands at the back. i agree, i didnt think, because if i would, i would have stood up and sit somewhere else, or crawl up to my baby's arm. i dont deny part of me dont wana show to be sticky. then fireworks and all's good. i know he is unhappy, im trying already to prevent whatever will happen from happening. we returned and my stomach was feeling horrible. i went to the toilet. wanted to vomit too. i was trying to lao sai and i start to feel miserable in alcohol. i start to think of what im doing. i start to regret. i start to feel bad. i start to hate myself. and i start to imagine what u are feeling. suddenly im crying while shitting.
but from that moment onwards, everything is too late.
far too late.
baby, i really hope you know, ur baby girl meant nothing of those. she doesnt cheat. i know she cheats before, and thats because shes heartbroken. why would i cheat last night, when all was so happy and princessy for me? why would i want to risk all that ive own for this? the only reason i could say is im stupid. ur pabuya girlfriend doesnt think. i know thats what u hated about me. thats what u always wished i'll change. but baby im trying. 3 yrs ago u letured me about hugging boncet, i did stop from then. i did. and then i learned to keep my distance away. i stopped all of those. then we start to be in our own world. suddenly 3 years later, its been so long. i just forgot.
im sorry im sorry im sorry. i really mean nothing of those. i really dont.
i hate myself i really do. why did i let it happen. why did i let it happen. why?
please come back to me. please.
so perfectly to be ruined in my hands later. why joanne? why did you forget?
ive never blamed myself for something so much before because most of the times we fight, it took two hands to clap. right now, i can only live in this.
i didnt cheat. i raelly didnt. i really didnt think so much. it really meant nothing.
boncet was a friend i know 3 years back, earlier than i get to know you. because of him, i met you and im still very thankful for that. before i know you and the reason why u fell in love with me, was of my barney character. i often pictured myself as a boy, you know, buddy with everyone. i often forgot where i stand, whom i really am. i fell out with boncet over no reason and i was upset. i even felt bad for you because u may have distant urself from this friend because of me. and i dont want that.
so on nye, you said either to join boncet or zaf. the fact is i wanted neither. i wanted just us. but... i dont want u to be bored. i wanted to just go somewhere and lay in ur arms, count down till dawn. but i guess, partying the night away will be a better choice. i should have stayed with what i wanted. we chose boncet because zaf side is really awkward.
I was really sad already because i really dont want to go. but eventually when we arrive, things werent as bad as it seems. the girls are nice. shida is nice. she is so cute. i promise myself not to drink, because i know, i am not a good drinker and culture of a drunk drinker. but no choice. i drank and talked to boncet and asked what happen. im glad all's over and we are still friends. i gave a friendly hug. that was really nothing. really. so i sat at the corner of the sofa, talking to anne. boncet came to join us by sitting next to me. i didnt, i really didnt intentionally sit closer. i didnt move an inch. he is so fat, i guess he had to put his hands at the back. i agree, i didnt think, because if i would, i would have stood up and sit somewhere else, or crawl up to my baby's arm. i dont deny part of me dont wana show to be sticky. then fireworks and all's good. i know he is unhappy, im trying already to prevent whatever will happen from happening. we returned and my stomach was feeling horrible. i went to the toilet. wanted to vomit too. i was trying to lao sai and i start to feel miserable in alcohol. i start to think of what im doing. i start to regret. i start to feel bad. i start to hate myself. and i start to imagine what u are feeling. suddenly im crying while shitting.
but from that moment onwards, everything is too late.
far too late.
baby, i really hope you know, ur baby girl meant nothing of those. she doesnt cheat. i know she cheats before, and thats because shes heartbroken. why would i cheat last night, when all was so happy and princessy for me? why would i want to risk all that ive own for this? the only reason i could say is im stupid. ur pabuya girlfriend doesnt think. i know thats what u hated about me. thats what u always wished i'll change. but baby im trying. 3 yrs ago u letured me about hugging boncet, i did stop from then. i did. and then i learned to keep my distance away. i stopped all of those. then we start to be in our own world. suddenly 3 years later, its been so long. i just forgot.
im sorry im sorry im sorry. i really mean nothing of those. i really dont.
i hate myself i really do. why did i let it happen. why did i let it happen. why?
please come back to me. please.