I'm waiting for the sky to fall...I'm waiting for a sign.
This will be my last journal concerning Steve and I. Yes, that's right folks, I'm moving on.
Well he called me today and we talked for like an hour and a half and like..basically he said he didn't want to get back together because he values our friendship too much and he's not letting me go ever as a friend. Well...you would think after my obsessing that I would be devastated...I'm not. After everything...the built up dreams and the fake realities..I've realized something. It's so hard expect him to ever live up to the storybook romance I had in my head with him. He's not the same guy he was, and I'm not the same girl. I built up all these distorted dreams and then he had to go open his mouth and sound like every other guy I know. And..I don't want that. Seriously, I feel like I'm letting go of all these hopes but gainging a hope more important than he could ever be. He's just like every guy I party with...and I want more...and for the first time, I believe I deserve more. I don't want that macho sex fiend guy that only wants to go out and have fun. I want the fairy tale. And it's like..I miss those old days but I know that there's so much more out there. And there is someone...I don't know where...but somewhere, there is a guy out there, wishing for a girl like me. Steve and I are friends, and that's great, cause I love his friendship...but as we talk more...don't take this the wrong way but I think he likes my personality more now...then I like his, as a friend. Like..he thinks I'm this cool girl and really fun to hang out with, and I know this cause he's told me and I think he's like every other guy. So somewhere..there is a guy who is out of the ordinary..and he's special and he wants a girl exactly like me. I'm letting go of those old dreams and hoping one day my real dream will come true...finding someone who wants me as much as I want him. Maybe it's not as far away as I think.
Well he called me today and we talked for like an hour and a half and like..basically he said he didn't want to get back together because he values our friendship too much and he's not letting me go ever as a friend. Well...you would think after my obsessing that I would be devastated...I'm not. After everything...the built up dreams and the fake realities..I've realized something. It's so hard expect him to ever live up to the storybook romance I had in my head with him. He's not the same guy he was, and I'm not the same girl. I built up all these distorted dreams and then he had to go open his mouth and sound like every other guy I know. And..I don't want that. Seriously, I feel like I'm letting go of all these hopes but gainging a hope more important than he could ever be. He's just like every guy I party with...and I want more...and for the first time, I believe I deserve more. I don't want that macho sex fiend guy that only wants to go out and have fun. I want the fairy tale. And it's like..I miss those old days but I know that there's so much more out there. And there is someone...I don't know where...but somewhere, there is a guy out there, wishing for a girl like me. Steve and I are friends, and that's great, cause I love his friendship...but as we talk more...don't take this the wrong way but I think he likes my personality more now...then I like his, as a friend. Like..he thinks I'm this cool girl and really fun to hang out with, and I know this cause he's told me and I think he's like every other guy. So somewhere..there is a guy who is out of the ordinary..and he's special and he wants a girl exactly like me. I'm letting go of those old dreams and hoping one day my real dream will come true...finding someone who wants me as much as I want him. Maybe it's not as far away as I think.