unfinished article
On Killing the Sadness & Not Yourself
the college kid's guide to fighting depression
by Carrie-Lynne Dark Cloud Davis
[intro]
1. Pretend that you're happy. Alright, I'm sure you're already pissed off by this, but plz hear me out. Us terminally-sad folks know that it's not that simple. Depression isn't just a shitty day, a lousy grade on a test, or an all-around negative attitude. What the illness does do, however, is generate cyclical negative thoughts. What's really fabulous about this is that depression also works to perpetuate the low mood. My mother, who's wrangled with mental illness for over twenty years, loves the expression "fake it 'til you make it," and I've found it to be quite true, but it takes awhile.
-suggestions for faking it
2. Be with friends or, at the very least, tolerable acquaintances, even though all you want to do is curl up in your blankets and listen to Elliott Smith or maybe order DP Dough and watch entire seasons of shows that distract you from the unbridled chaos within. We don't need to be stood up to have a Ben & Jerry's night. Depression is like a jealous best friend who makes it virtually impossible for you to go out and see other people.
-on-campus suggestions
-off-campus suggestions
3. Go to the gym or engage in a physical activity that involves changing out of your clothes, moving your body, and getting the blood pumping. Make an exercise playlist full of songs that motivate you to move. I lost 60lbs my freshman year by going to the IC fitness center five days a week and listening to Rage Against the Machine while I raged against the elliptical. When you work out, your body released endorphins which almost make you feel high. Albeit temporary, if you can get yourself to just go to the gym, it'll pay off. (more about exercising)
-Fitness classes
-Fun friend activity
4. Check out the IC Counseling Center. I don't know in what condition I'd be if I hadn't gone to the counseling center at the suggestion of my concerned & caring roommate, who had recently started going, herself. First of all, it's FREE. Do you know how much therapy costs out there in the real world? It'd make your eyeballs fall out! The costs can range anywhere to about 120$ per session in this area.*
Therapy probably saved my life. I'm so grateful that I sucked it up and checked it out. It took about three sessions with different counselors, but I finally found a great fit. I also joined one of their free talk therapy groups. Here's the beauty about visiting the IC Counseling Center:
(a) It's FREE!!
(b) You're given an hour to talk to someone confidentially. I've told my therapist some things I wouldn't even write in my journal because it was too painful to see the words. You work through your shit. The best thing is that the longer you spend with your counselor, the more they know your habits, patterns, and cognitive processes, which ultimately makes them better equipped to help you.
(c) Even in your loneliest days, the times when you shut out all of your friends and keep to yourself because being open is just too much, your counselor is someone you can talk to without being afraid of gossip, judgment, or any other slew of social consequences. This is someone who decided as a college student that she wanted to dedicate her life helping us figure out ours.
(d) The appointment times are pretty flexible
*I don't mean to scare anyone off from seeking counseling outside of IC. If you do visit and none of the counselors seem like a good fit, any of them are more than willing to help you scope out a local therapist that accepts your insurance. In addition, if you don't have insurance (like me), you're NOT shit out luck. Tompkins County Mental Health is a great resource for depressed lads and ladies who are on a tight budget and can't shell out an entire car payment for one session.
Also, the Counseling Center only permits six sessions a semester, so if you think you're going to need more than that--maybe a weekly session--this is something you can talk to the counselor about. Finding off-campus mental health services is, based on my experience, relatively easy. One website I've stumbled upon features names, specialties, contact information, and even pictures of different psychologists in Ithaca. (http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/state/NY/Ithaca.html) There are little informational tidbits for each one based on individual needs. It's pretty sweet.
5. Abstain or limit your substance(s) of choice. Look, I'll keep it real: I've dabbled in most. Drugs are very alluring and tend to be particularly addictive to the depressed because it serves as a (temporary) relief. I'm far from a DARE advocate, believe-you-me, but it's just not wise to delve into substances instead of doing something actually substantial. Drugs are fun. Simple. In a lot of ways, they're easier. They'll make you feel happy or at least "okay to be alive" much quicker than if you were to tough it out and learn as you live, improving your mood in the little ways you can.
It's up to you, but here's what I know:
WHY STIMULANTS AND DEPRESSION DON'T MIX WELL - It's so terribly tempting to stumble upon a chemical study buddy around midterms or finals week, especially because on top of your daily dose of misery you're freaking out about tests, papers, quizzes, group projects, your GPA, grad school, among an infinite number of other things piling on top of you and making life seem unbearable. Just a swallow of one o' these bad boys and you'll be sitting wide-eyed at your computer for hours, typing and typing and typing and aldsjflsjdf. You also feel good doing it. Confident, alert, and even if you're not an all-star student, the chemicals make you feel as if you've got it goin' on, academically-speaking. Two hours ago you could barely crawl out of bed and now your fingers dance with abandon on the keyboard and suddenly you've just finished a twelve-page paper on Postmodern BlahBlahs and it's now daylight.
Remember though, what comes up must come down, and with amphetamines, it comes down hard. The euphoric assertiveness that once cut off the critical self-doubting voice in your brain now opens a floodgate to an angry mob of such voices. Suddenly you're a worthless piece of shit, everything you've written is terrible, and nothing will ever be okay again. Clinical depression with a slice of amphetamine come-down and a side of intense major depression is undoubtedly the WORST combo meal in the history of shitty combo meals.
WHY ALCOHOL AND DEPRESSION DON'T MIX WELL - In college, alcohol is everywhere. It's in your roommate's fridge, it's spilling from a crushed can out on the lawn, and it's coating the sticky bottom of your shoe from last night's miserable party on Kendall. You're probably going to drink at some point, and that's fine, but don't make it a habit. Alcohol's a natural depressant and tends to amplify whatever mood you're in, so if you're feeling really melancholy, it has the potential to make you feel even worse. I've turned to the bottle with the intention of escape from the sadness, but usually it just takes what might have been a quiet quartet of sad violins to a raging orchestra of cymbals and poorly tuned instruments.
WHY HALLUCINOGENS AND DEPRESSION DON'T MIX WELL - Or rather, I should say, why they have the potential to interact in ways which range from very uncomfortable to downright horrific. "They" say that there are a number of factors which have a role in determining the utter awesomeness and/or sheer terror of a trip on hallucinogens. The first and most important is your current state of mind. If you're in a rut with your mental health, tripping can be a really, really bad idea. Now I know some people with depression that have had a grand ol' time on mind-expanding drugs, but my own personal experiences disallow me from ever trying this shit again. Trust me, if the thought of being trapped in your dorm room in a womb of blankets trying to drown out the snickers from the people inside of the artwork on your walls--people that you, yourself, created--steer clear! That happened. What followed was a seemingly endless horror show of existential crises; for five hours I was in hysterics trying to figure out whether or not anything actually exists. I do, in fact, exist, and you do too.
With that in mind, let's talk about more ways to better our existence in less dangerous ways.
6. Establish a routine of sorts. I've had bouts of such intense sadness that instead of getting up and starting the day at the sound of my alarm clock, I'm confined to my bed by the invisible shackles of anxiety. A lack of structure in your day can amplify the stress of having additional tasks on top of the daily grind. By taking things one step at a time and focusing on each task individually, you're less likely to find yourself in a trap of inertia and each time something is completed, you may instead feel a sense of accomplishment.
7. Sleep! Not all day, but certainly more than six hours, if you can. Getting enough sleep is vital for college students in general, let alone those students who struggle with depression. A lack of sleep can cause serious physical and mental difficulties. A low mood coupled with fatigue hinders the ability to summon enough energy to make you feel better, thus sinking you further in the whole. Getting at least seven hours of sleep a night will (1) make waking up less of a pain in the ass, (2) increase mood and mental performance, (3) feel better on the body, and (4)
8. Keep a diary/journal. I've kept one since I was five years-old and it's been immeasurably useful in differentiating situational from major (clinical) depression. This is important because, though we often forget, anxiety and depression are in fact natural human responses to intense unpleasant events or circumstances, but when these feelings take over and mess life up when there wasn't necessarily a contributing factor like the death of a loved one or losing a job that's when there's particularly cause for concern.
If you take medication(s) for your depression, a journal can be helpful to track moods, which will help determine if it's the right medication. Sometimes anti-depressants and other meds can cause unpleasant side-effects that may exacerbate your condition. Sometimes your psychiatrist can alleviate this with a change or the addition of a medication.
In general, it's good to just create as often as you can. Be creative. If the reality you're living in sucks major testicle, write your way out--create a fantasy world to exist in.
9. Go outside.
-vitamin d
-nature, blah blah
10. Remember that this isn't how it's always going to be.
Other tidbits
~ on getting out of bed
-alarms, wake-up call from parent if shit really hits the fan
~ on keeping up with school work
-emailing professors
-tutor
-homework in places other than bedroom
the college kid's guide to fighting depression
by Carrie-Lynne Dark Cloud Davis
[intro]
1. Pretend that you're happy. Alright, I'm sure you're already pissed off by this, but plz hear me out. Us terminally-sad folks know that it's not that simple. Depression isn't just a shitty day, a lousy grade on a test, or an all-around negative attitude. What the illness does do, however, is generate cyclical negative thoughts. What's really fabulous about this is that depression also works to perpetuate the low mood. My mother, who's wrangled with mental illness for over twenty years, loves the expression "fake it 'til you make it," and I've found it to be quite true, but it takes awhile.
-suggestions for faking it
2. Be with friends or, at the very least, tolerable acquaintances, even though all you want to do is curl up in your blankets and listen to Elliott Smith or maybe order DP Dough and watch entire seasons of shows that distract you from the unbridled chaos within. We don't need to be stood up to have a Ben & Jerry's night. Depression is like a jealous best friend who makes it virtually impossible for you to go out and see other people.
-on-campus suggestions
-off-campus suggestions
3. Go to the gym or engage in a physical activity that involves changing out of your clothes, moving your body, and getting the blood pumping. Make an exercise playlist full of songs that motivate you to move. I lost 60lbs my freshman year by going to the IC fitness center five days a week and listening to Rage Against the Machine while I raged against the elliptical. When you work out, your body released endorphins which almost make you feel high. Albeit temporary, if you can get yourself to just go to the gym, it'll pay off. (more about exercising)
-Fitness classes
-Fun friend activity
4. Check out the IC Counseling Center. I don't know in what condition I'd be if I hadn't gone to the counseling center at the suggestion of my concerned & caring roommate, who had recently started going, herself. First of all, it's FREE. Do you know how much therapy costs out there in the real world? It'd make your eyeballs fall out! The costs can range anywhere to about 120$ per session in this area.*
Therapy probably saved my life. I'm so grateful that I sucked it up and checked it out. It took about three sessions with different counselors, but I finally found a great fit. I also joined one of their free talk therapy groups. Here's the beauty about visiting the IC Counseling Center:
(a) It's FREE!!
(b) You're given an hour to talk to someone confidentially. I've told my therapist some things I wouldn't even write in my journal because it was too painful to see the words. You work through your shit. The best thing is that the longer you spend with your counselor, the more they know your habits, patterns, and cognitive processes, which ultimately makes them better equipped to help you.
(c) Even in your loneliest days, the times when you shut out all of your friends and keep to yourself because being open is just too much, your counselor is someone you can talk to without being afraid of gossip, judgment, or any other slew of social consequences. This is someone who decided as a college student that she wanted to dedicate her life helping us figure out ours.
(d) The appointment times are pretty flexible
*I don't mean to scare anyone off from seeking counseling outside of IC. If you do visit and none of the counselors seem like a good fit, any of them are more than willing to help you scope out a local therapist that accepts your insurance. In addition, if you don't have insurance (like me), you're NOT shit out luck. Tompkins County Mental Health is a great resource for depressed lads and ladies who are on a tight budget and can't shell out an entire car payment for one session.
Also, the Counseling Center only permits six sessions a semester, so if you think you're going to need more than that--maybe a weekly session--this is something you can talk to the counselor about. Finding off-campus mental health services is, based on my experience, relatively easy. One website I've stumbled upon features names, specialties, contact information, and even pictures of different psychologists in Ithaca. (http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/state/NY/Ithaca.html) There are little informational tidbits for each one based on individual needs. It's pretty sweet.
5. Abstain or limit your substance(s) of choice. Look, I'll keep it real: I've dabbled in most. Drugs are very alluring and tend to be particularly addictive to the depressed because it serves as a (temporary) relief. I'm far from a DARE advocate, believe-you-me, but it's just not wise to delve into substances instead of doing something actually substantial. Drugs are fun. Simple. In a lot of ways, they're easier. They'll make you feel happy or at least "okay to be alive" much quicker than if you were to tough it out and learn as you live, improving your mood in the little ways you can.
It's up to you, but here's what I know:
WHY STIMULANTS AND DEPRESSION DON'T MIX WELL - It's so terribly tempting to stumble upon a chemical study buddy around midterms or finals week, especially because on top of your daily dose of misery you're freaking out about tests, papers, quizzes, group projects, your GPA, grad school, among an infinite number of other things piling on top of you and making life seem unbearable. Just a swallow of one o' these bad boys and you'll be sitting wide-eyed at your computer for hours, typing and typing and typing and aldsjflsjdf. You also feel good doing it. Confident, alert, and even if you're not an all-star student, the chemicals make you feel as if you've got it goin' on, academically-speaking. Two hours ago you could barely crawl out of bed and now your fingers dance with abandon on the keyboard and suddenly you've just finished a twelve-page paper on Postmodern BlahBlahs and it's now daylight.
Remember though, what comes up must come down, and with amphetamines, it comes down hard. The euphoric assertiveness that once cut off the critical self-doubting voice in your brain now opens a floodgate to an angry mob of such voices. Suddenly you're a worthless piece of shit, everything you've written is terrible, and nothing will ever be okay again. Clinical depression with a slice of amphetamine come-down and a side of intense major depression is undoubtedly the WORST combo meal in the history of shitty combo meals.
WHY ALCOHOL AND DEPRESSION DON'T MIX WELL - In college, alcohol is everywhere. It's in your roommate's fridge, it's spilling from a crushed can out on the lawn, and it's coating the sticky bottom of your shoe from last night's miserable party on Kendall. You're probably going to drink at some point, and that's fine, but don't make it a habit. Alcohol's a natural depressant and tends to amplify whatever mood you're in, so if you're feeling really melancholy, it has the potential to make you feel even worse. I've turned to the bottle with the intention of escape from the sadness, but usually it just takes what might have been a quiet quartet of sad violins to a raging orchestra of cymbals and poorly tuned instruments.
WHY HALLUCINOGENS AND DEPRESSION DON'T MIX WELL - Or rather, I should say, why they have the potential to interact in ways which range from very uncomfortable to downright horrific. "They" say that there are a number of factors which have a role in determining the utter awesomeness and/or sheer terror of a trip on hallucinogens. The first and most important is your current state of mind. If you're in a rut with your mental health, tripping can be a really, really bad idea. Now I know some people with depression that have had a grand ol' time on mind-expanding drugs, but my own personal experiences disallow me from ever trying this shit again. Trust me, if the thought of being trapped in your dorm room in a womb of blankets trying to drown out the snickers from the people inside of the artwork on your walls--people that you, yourself, created--steer clear! That happened. What followed was a seemingly endless horror show of existential crises; for five hours I was in hysterics trying to figure out whether or not anything actually exists. I do, in fact, exist, and you do too.
With that in mind, let's talk about more ways to better our existence in less dangerous ways.
6. Establish a routine of sorts. I've had bouts of such intense sadness that instead of getting up and starting the day at the sound of my alarm clock, I'm confined to my bed by the invisible shackles of anxiety. A lack of structure in your day can amplify the stress of having additional tasks on top of the daily grind. By taking things one step at a time and focusing on each task individually, you're less likely to find yourself in a trap of inertia and each time something is completed, you may instead feel a sense of accomplishment.
7. Sleep! Not all day, but certainly more than six hours, if you can. Getting enough sleep is vital for college students in general, let alone those students who struggle with depression. A lack of sleep can cause serious physical and mental difficulties. A low mood coupled with fatigue hinders the ability to summon enough energy to make you feel better, thus sinking you further in the whole. Getting at least seven hours of sleep a night will (1) make waking up less of a pain in the ass, (2) increase mood and mental performance, (3) feel better on the body, and (4)
8. Keep a diary/journal. I've kept one since I was five years-old and it's been immeasurably useful in differentiating situational from major (clinical) depression. This is important because, though we often forget, anxiety and depression are in fact natural human responses to intense unpleasant events or circumstances, but when these feelings take over and mess life up when there wasn't necessarily a contributing factor like the death of a loved one or losing a job that's when there's particularly cause for concern.
If you take medication(s) for your depression, a journal can be helpful to track moods, which will help determine if it's the right medication. Sometimes anti-depressants and other meds can cause unpleasant side-effects that may exacerbate your condition. Sometimes your psychiatrist can alleviate this with a change or the addition of a medication.
In general, it's good to just create as often as you can. Be creative. If the reality you're living in sucks major testicle, write your way out--create a fantasy world to exist in.
9. Go outside.
-vitamin d
-nature, blah blah
10. Remember that this isn't how it's always going to be.
Other tidbits
~ on getting out of bed
-alarms, wake-up call from parent if shit really hits the fan
~ on keeping up with school work
-emailing professors
-tutor
-homework in places other than bedroom