Kidding myself
Maybe I'm just fooling myself. Maybe we can't make it past all of this shit that has been going on. Or, maybe I shouldn't be saying we, and I should be saying I. I cant seem to get past old hangups and it was proven tonight when I couldn't stop crying about what had happened between me and my exes. Guys have fucked with me my entire life with the exception of one boyfriend and Pete. And because I was so hardcorely fucked over in my last relationship I'm having huge ass trust issues. I find myself getting really depressed at this time of night. I have a friend over, and I should really probably be trying to entertain him (movie or something) but instead he is taking pictures on his camera phone and walking around this room probably bored as fuck. Is it wrong to just want to lay down and cry for no apparent reason other than depression? Why am I so fucked up? Maybe I need therapy. Pete is trying to help me through this, but I don't know. I really don't know. Maybe I'll go talk to my friend about this... hes always been there before. But its really difficult to talk about something that you really dont know how to bring up because you are completely unsure of what exactly is wrong. Oh well. I don't know what is wrong with me.... I think I already said that. God, I wish I could get some help.