Once I ran to you, Now i run from you, This tainted love ive given, You gave me all a boy could give
The past few months have been weird for me. I never found the energy to update even though i still read. I will give a quick semi recap of the past few months for me. I have been working a good 25-30 hours a week now and have other shit going on besides school. Jarratt moved away as you all know and it killed me. I started acting really stupid after that. I cant help it i guess. I go crazy without my life support. I started hanging out with Chelsi,Michael,Justin,Alex,Laura,Daphne,Mike,Meghan,Irene and Courtney all a little more which has been ok. Besides hanging out at the bowling alley all the fucking time with these people i havent really done anything. I just havent had the great desire to lie to get out of the house as much anymore. Im tired of having to do it so whatever. School is going ok i got good grades this quarter and i got accepted to ASU. I also went down and took a tour of UofA. I dont want to go there though. I wanted to go to colorado for a while but now i dont know whats happening. I dont know what i want anymore which is the total truth. Work is going good. Im making good money and not spending it on anything but it works. I think everyone there likes me including the managers so im happy. There is so much drama at the bowling alley though. Chelsi and I decided that we are all one fucked up incestual family. We made up names for everyone too. I have too much fun there i think but i am glad that i now have something to do besides sit home. I honestly cant even remember what i did before working because i must have had alot of free time. Well anyways i dont really have much of a love life. Guys like me i guess but i dont know. I thought i wanted the attention from guys and i kinda do but then again i dont. I always had Jarratt here to make me feel comfortable in my skin and good about myself. He can still do that but hes not here to boost my ego anymore. I know its sick but i cant help feeling that way ya know. I need to grow up and learn how to avoid feeling that way. I have to face the reality that i will not always have someone there to make me comfortable. That need and want for attention fucked up the best relationship i have ever had. The only person to blame is me. I AM GIVING OUT TAINTED LOVE. I cant describe it any other way. Well Jarratt came in town two weekends ago and i have never been so happy. I only got to see him for a short while but it was worth it. I was jealous of others who got to see him like the whole two days but i cant be. I have to get used to the fact that i will never be allowed to do what other people my age are. I have to face life. I must get out of my stupid fantasy land. He is thinking about moving back now and i dont think he knows how happy i will be to have him back. He knows that everybody here wants him back but its not always that easy. In other news, on friday i went to the manson concert which was AMAZING! I had so much fun with courtney,meghan and mike. I so want to do the whole concert thing again sometimes soon cause i really got to let out alot of emotion by singing his lyrics and just getting into the music. Right now nothing can beat friday night... Im waiting for a better time but i doubt that will happen for at least a few days. Coffee House is this week and im performing with Jazz Choir. Im sad cause i dont have any solos cause i wasnt there when we got to sign up for them but whatever. Saturday is my lock-in at the bowling alley. I hope it goes well. Im going to be so tired starting tomorrow but i must do it all. Well if you actually read this whole thing then i am proud of you! Otherwise sorry for babbling about bullshit but this is my livejournal damnit. BYE