entry about charlean's feels tbh
I haven’t typed out my feelings in the fucking longest man… But lately I don’t know what’s going on anymore.
I really just want to talk about this one guy tbh and idk anymore.
Because he’s been my friend since freshman year of high school (3 ½ years ago), and lately I’ve started to like him…
And it’s hard because I’ve known him for so long and he’s in my small group of friends and I don’t know.
Guys don’t usually like me irl. I’ve only had one actual boyfriend tbh. And even then, I could tell he really wasn’t into me.
But lemme kinda sorta talk about this one guy okay okay
His name is Austin. He’s just a biiiiiiiiiiiit taller than me ;; he sits right behind me in English and across the room in rotc. He’s really super fucking hilarious and he makes everyone laugh. He has this really nice black hair and brown eyes and his braces are really fucking cute okay like really, really cute.
Back like 2 years ago, I used to be like literally in love with his best friend Barry. Barry even took me to the military ball (rotc’s homecoming) just to be nice tbh. Barry didn’t like me the way I liked him and it got awkward super fucking quick (especially when I tried to kiss him once the ball was over and he moved his head just at the right time so I ended up kissing his neck.).
Me and Barry are cool now, he’s like a brother I’ve never had tbh. He’s the one who teases me about kpop all the time.
And I want to tell Barry how I feel about Austin bc I feel like I want him to know.
Anyways (smh)
I don’t know if Austin knows I like him as much as I do, bc he acts like he does but I can never tell. He’s always playing with my hair (nobody does that and it makes me feel happy when he does), he pokes my side all the time bc he knows I make a stupid fucking noise, he shares whatever food he has with me, and he’s always grabbing my arms whenever I take his pencil tbh.
On Friday tho I just ;;
Bc we were outside playing kickball for rotc and I was running to home plate and Austin grabs the ball and tags me out u_u but then he was runnin’ to second so I tagged him out (bc karma‘s a bitch tbh)
And he wouldn’t stfu about how we tagged each other out tbh
And whenever I sweat bc physical activity, my hair gets puffy from the inside u_u so I looked like shit or w/e idk u____u
So then I went to art then I went to English and we had the counselor talkin to us about colleges and scholarships and shit tbh
And Austin wouldn’t fucking quit messing with me tbh. I think he takes advantage of the fact that he really can’t get caught bc he sits at the back corner of the classroom tbh.
Anyways
He kept poking my side and I kept jumping up in my seat bC IT TICKLES OKAY
So I took his pencil and he grabbed my hand ;~; and he was like “you’re always taking my damn pencil~” but he said it in a way that idk ;A;
And he actually like intertwined his fingers with mine and I just ;~~~~~~~~~~;
Bc he held it underneath the desk for a while before letting go with a smirk and ; ~ ;
every time I think about it my hand feels funny and my stomach turns/drops bc his hand was so soft and warm and I want to die bc it’ll never happen and now I’m sad
Bc it was just so perfect but everything fucking sucks
Bc guys never ever return my feelings
Never in my life tbh
And I just really want to quit everything
tbh
:<