one blow after another
(taken from my other journal, two separate entries)
My cousin Shelly had an announcement yesterday that she did not want to tell me. She is due in August.
I got to my grandparents yesterday and all the women were in the kitchen. They sent Jon away and looked at me expectantly and aunt Donna nudged Shelly and said, go ahead, tell her. I was expecting her to say that she was engaged. So what. Nope, after hesitating and all that, she says she is making her mother a grandmother and grandma a greatgrandma in August. What the fuck. She is on the pill, so this was not planned, and was unexpected.
If any of them had known about the miscarriage, that would have been really mean. None of them knew. Shelly does now though. What the fuck.
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Ok, so back to my 20 year old (21 in a few days) cousin Shelly and her announcement from Christmas. I don't like how they told me. What kind of reaction were they looking for. I'm the oldest. I'm the married one. She is the golden child who can do no wrong. Shelly got bad grades? Oh well, she's cute, so it's ok. Shelly is buying a condo with her boyfriend? Ok. Only grandma had a problem with it. But gee, she is happy as pie now. Maybe because she knows she can't do anything about it, so might as well be happy, right?
Don't get me wrong. I am happy for her. For them. But I was supposed to be about 5 months now. I was supposed to have the first baby. But like I told Jon in the car on the way over (before I knew), once we have a baby, then Shel has a baby, ours will be forgotten. That is just how it is around there. I'm not important now that the wedding is over. They kept asking me if I had any news. No, and even if I did, why would I announce it then?
Ugh and she was driving me nuts. I can't keep anything down, I'm tired, I don't like french silk pie, but I'll have a piece, it must be a craving, I don't want to get fat. And then her mom, who is the youngest of the kids, and also the center of attention, oh my poor baby, there goes my anniversary party, and here I thought 06 was going to be an easy year. Again, she was on the pill. Not like they were planning this to make your year a problem.
It was all I could do to stand there when she told me. I so wanted to just grab Jon and leave. I have to keep telling myself that it is not her I am upset about/at. I just wish they had told me differently.
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On another note, I have been tired this whole week, peeing like 12 times a day, and I am 2 days late. I took a test yesterday morning, and it said no. I am going to call the doctor in a bit and see if I should come in for a blood test since these were the signs I had last time.
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Called the drs office, she is supposed to call me back. That was 8 am, no call yet and it is 9:30.
My cousin Shelly had an announcement yesterday that she did not want to tell me. She is due in August.
I got to my grandparents yesterday and all the women were in the kitchen. They sent Jon away and looked at me expectantly and aunt Donna nudged Shelly and said, go ahead, tell her. I was expecting her to say that she was engaged. So what. Nope, after hesitating and all that, she says she is making her mother a grandmother and grandma a greatgrandma in August. What the fuck. She is on the pill, so this was not planned, and was unexpected.
If any of them had known about the miscarriage, that would have been really mean. None of them knew. Shelly does now though. What the fuck.
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Ok, so back to my 20 year old (21 in a few days) cousin Shelly and her announcement from Christmas. I don't like how they told me. What kind of reaction were they looking for. I'm the oldest. I'm the married one. She is the golden child who can do no wrong. Shelly got bad grades? Oh well, she's cute, so it's ok. Shelly is buying a condo with her boyfriend? Ok. Only grandma had a problem with it. But gee, she is happy as pie now. Maybe because she knows she can't do anything about it, so might as well be happy, right?
Don't get me wrong. I am happy for her. For them. But I was supposed to be about 5 months now. I was supposed to have the first baby. But like I told Jon in the car on the way over (before I knew), once we have a baby, then Shel has a baby, ours will be forgotten. That is just how it is around there. I'm not important now that the wedding is over. They kept asking me if I had any news. No, and even if I did, why would I announce it then?
Ugh and she was driving me nuts. I can't keep anything down, I'm tired, I don't like french silk pie, but I'll have a piece, it must be a craving, I don't want to get fat. And then her mom, who is the youngest of the kids, and also the center of attention, oh my poor baby, there goes my anniversary party, and here I thought 06 was going to be an easy year. Again, she was on the pill. Not like they were planning this to make your year a problem.
It was all I could do to stand there when she told me. I so wanted to just grab Jon and leave. I have to keep telling myself that it is not her I am upset about/at. I just wish they had told me differently.
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On another note, I have been tired this whole week, peeing like 12 times a day, and I am 2 days late. I took a test yesterday morning, and it said no. I am going to call the doctor in a bit and see if I should come in for a blood test since these were the signs I had last time.
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Called the drs office, she is supposed to call me back. That was 8 am, no call yet and it is 9:30.