(no subject)
This just in:
I tend to overlook the fact that I AM the kind of person I hate. I embody practically every trait I make fun of other people for having. Lacy=hypocrite in every sense of the word. This is v. bad.
And...I don't know what it is or how it has come to this exactly, but I have absolutely no motivation. I make no effort whatsoever to read my assigned portion of Locke, Montaigne, Robinson Crusoe, etc. I haven't actually sat down and throroughly read a chapter in Psychology since somewhere around the 3rd week of class. I haven't actually worked on a painting or started a paper before it was basically due in months. I'm becoming engulfed in my apathy.
My notes are covered in doodles and sketches and song mix lists and observations I want to remember such as "SKETCH purple sunglasses indoors?" and "I HATE HEAVY BREATHERS! MAKE HER QUIT!" written in elaborate 3D blockletters up and down the margins. I don't listen in class. I fall asleep and zone out frequently. Ironically I am becoming the worst student I've been in my entire life just when being a good student begins to actually count for something.
I could pretend I've always been this bad but seriously, at this point, I don't even bother with Sparknotes. I really hope by the time I get back from Thanksgiving I will have relaxed enough so that I can return with motivation and some fucking responsibility. And while I'm at it, a normal sleeping pattern. My sleep schedule is FUCKED UP. I take 4-5 hour naps in the afternoon/evenings and I go to bed around 4:00 am when I have class at 8:30 or 9:00. It's ridiculous and it must stop or I really won't make it to Christmas without failing out of school.
Alright...self-pitying ends here.
I'm getting so excited for break. I cannot wait to just be home for a few days again. I miss everyone so much. I finally get to see you guys, Jeff, my cousin Danya... It's scary how used I am to not seeing people I care about so much now.
Looking at courses to take for next semester brings me back to the question of what I want to major in. I'm so fucking scattered and clueless and the thought of narrowing anything down right now absolutely terrifies me. It's nerve-wracking to think I will ever really know if I am meant to spend the rest of my life doing one thing, let alone consider this question within the next year or so.
I didn't realize how lonely I was until I started listening to more Coldplay.
I tend to overlook the fact that I AM the kind of person I hate. I embody practically every trait I make fun of other people for having. Lacy=hypocrite in every sense of the word. This is v. bad.
And...I don't know what it is or how it has come to this exactly, but I have absolutely no motivation. I make no effort whatsoever to read my assigned portion of Locke, Montaigne, Robinson Crusoe, etc. I haven't actually sat down and throroughly read a chapter in Psychology since somewhere around the 3rd week of class. I haven't actually worked on a painting or started a paper before it was basically due in months. I'm becoming engulfed in my apathy.
My notes are covered in doodles and sketches and song mix lists and observations I want to remember such as "SKETCH purple sunglasses indoors?" and "I HATE HEAVY BREATHERS! MAKE HER QUIT!" written in elaborate 3D blockletters up and down the margins. I don't listen in class. I fall asleep and zone out frequently. Ironically I am becoming the worst student I've been in my entire life just when being a good student begins to actually count for something.
I could pretend I've always been this bad but seriously, at this point, I don't even bother with Sparknotes. I really hope by the time I get back from Thanksgiving I will have relaxed enough so that I can return with motivation and some fucking responsibility. And while I'm at it, a normal sleeping pattern. My sleep schedule is FUCKED UP. I take 4-5 hour naps in the afternoon/evenings and I go to bed around 4:00 am when I have class at 8:30 or 9:00. It's ridiculous and it must stop or I really won't make it to Christmas without failing out of school.
Alright...self-pitying ends here.
I'm getting so excited for break. I cannot wait to just be home for a few days again. I miss everyone so much. I finally get to see you guys, Jeff, my cousin Danya... It's scary how used I am to not seeing people I care about so much now.
Looking at courses to take for next semester brings me back to the question of what I want to major in. I'm so fucking scattered and clueless and the thought of narrowing anything down right now absolutely terrifies me. It's nerve-wracking to think I will ever really know if I am meant to spend the rest of my life doing one thing, let alone consider this question within the next year or so.
I didn't realize how lonely I was until I started listening to more Coldplay.