I'm done. I swear it...
I just have to write about this because there is no one who would want to hear this or listen because it's all old news. It's all the same. I swear to God I don't know how to handle this. I'm done with him, I'm not getting back into a relationship with him. This goes along with a story.
So About two weeks ago I let Milo borrow my dust pan because he doesn't have one, or want to spend money on any cleaning supplies until he moves into his town house. So I let him borrow it and asked him for it back like ten thousand times, really only four, but four is enough. Everytime he was at work or busy or out of town. So finally I text him and I'm like when ever you have one damn second for me to come get the dust pan just let me know. I had cleaning to do. So he text me and is like you can come get it tonight. I was like okay, I have to work and I'm closing so I wont be done until about 10:30. So I go to work, and it ends up being the SHITTIEST night ever. So I text him before I leave work and explain:
"Milo, I don't know if you really expected me to come get it tonight or not, but I'm not going to. I had a really bad night and I can't handle you or the shit you hand me tonight so I'll just wait until later."
He wouldn't take that for an answer... he kept insisting I come over. So I got fed up and went. I get there almost in tears because I'm just dreading seeing him because the last time I saw him he was a complete ass hole and told me I wasn't much to look at and told me I needed to work harder at the gym. So I wasn't happy. I sit in my car for a few minutes infront of his apartment teetering on the idea of actually going in or not. So eventually I decide to just go grab it and run. So I walk up to the door and knock on it, and he opens it holding Zee (the cuttest kitten ever) with a big grin on his face. Which was utterly confusing to me because normally he opens it grabs his cats and walks away from the door as if that was a welcoming invitation to come inside. Not this night.
After all the dreading I had done, and all the thinking about how to handle this I was suprised when he pulled me in, shut the door, and hugged me for about five minutes as if he actually was happy to see me and actually missed me. He could have fooled me if he didn't. He asked me about my day and why it was bad,and then proceeded to tell me he was working the little debby show again. Then out of no where, he was like OH MY GOD. You have to lay in my bed, it's the most comfortable thing ever. I just sat there on his Sofa and looked at him like he was an idiot. So he came over to me and picked me up, and threw me in his bed. Pulled the covers over me, then sat beside me and played with my hair.
Which as you should know is not normal for him lately. Normally he would be so anti touch/ anti nice that it would be like hell froze over three times for this to happen. He laid down on the other side, which was the side he always sleeps on. Naturally my back was towards him because it was awkward being back there again. I felt his hands on either side of me and then I was pulled back right into the mold of his body, where I fit like a puzzle piece. I was so nervous, and scared, and mad, and anxious... I didn't know what to do, so I just laid there without a word.
Its crazy how well someone you think doesn't care knows you. It's like he's memorized my instruction manuel or something because out of no where he was just like, "Chelsea calm down." How the hell did he know I was freaking out. He couldn't feel or hear my heart beating... so how did he know? My breathing pattern. He told me to take a few breaths and just relax. I felt as if I couldn't really because it was awkward. I told him it was weird, and he said it felt normal, like nothing ever happened, I told him thats why it was weird. Then I started crying because I'm such a girl. He didn't believe I was really crying, so he rolled me over to face him and put the back of his hand to my face as if to wipe tears away even tough he didn't believe there were any. Which there were and he kept asking me why I was crying. I told him it was all his fault, that it was hard being back there, because the last time I was laying there he was kissing me and told me he loved me, and actually had been kissing other girls. I told him how hard it was for me to look at him without picturing that or feeling sick to my stomach.
Oh if I didn't tell you, he cheated on me a lot the last month and a half of our relationship... and it was also with a good friend of mine.
He apologized again and again and told me that he was such an ass hole to me and blah blah blah... I eventually stopped crying and gained a bit of composure. He invited me to come see the little debby show with him sometime, and to come back behind the scenes like I did last year which was so much fun. He was like guess how much I make a day at little debby? I was like I don't know 100... Nope... 250. DAYYYUMMMN. I was like, by the way you still owe me a nice dinner... but now it was has to be REAALLLY nice. He was like I know. Next week I will take you out somewhere really nice because I owe you more than a nice dinner for all that you've done for me, and all that i haven't done for you, and all I did to you. He asked me to stay until he fell asleep, and told me I was the only person who's slept in his bed since me... that he can't sleep with anyone else in the bed with him or cuddle with anyone else... it just doesn't work.
Some how I ended up with a key to his apartment again and plans to hang out again.
It makes me nervous, but excited.
So About two weeks ago I let Milo borrow my dust pan because he doesn't have one, or want to spend money on any cleaning supplies until he moves into his town house. So I let him borrow it and asked him for it back like ten thousand times, really only four, but four is enough. Everytime he was at work or busy or out of town. So finally I text him and I'm like when ever you have one damn second for me to come get the dust pan just let me know. I had cleaning to do. So he text me and is like you can come get it tonight. I was like okay, I have to work and I'm closing so I wont be done until about 10:30. So I go to work, and it ends up being the SHITTIEST night ever. So I text him before I leave work and explain:
"Milo, I don't know if you really expected me to come get it tonight or not, but I'm not going to. I had a really bad night and I can't handle you or the shit you hand me tonight so I'll just wait until later."
He wouldn't take that for an answer... he kept insisting I come over. So I got fed up and went. I get there almost in tears because I'm just dreading seeing him because the last time I saw him he was a complete ass hole and told me I wasn't much to look at and told me I needed to work harder at the gym. So I wasn't happy. I sit in my car for a few minutes infront of his apartment teetering on the idea of actually going in or not. So eventually I decide to just go grab it and run. So I walk up to the door and knock on it, and he opens it holding Zee (the cuttest kitten ever) with a big grin on his face. Which was utterly confusing to me because normally he opens it grabs his cats and walks away from the door as if that was a welcoming invitation to come inside. Not this night.
After all the dreading I had done, and all the thinking about how to handle this I was suprised when he pulled me in, shut the door, and hugged me for about five minutes as if he actually was happy to see me and actually missed me. He could have fooled me if he didn't. He asked me about my day and why it was bad,and then proceeded to tell me he was working the little debby show again. Then out of no where, he was like OH MY GOD. You have to lay in my bed, it's the most comfortable thing ever. I just sat there on his Sofa and looked at him like he was an idiot. So he came over to me and picked me up, and threw me in his bed. Pulled the covers over me, then sat beside me and played with my hair.
Which as you should know is not normal for him lately. Normally he would be so anti touch/ anti nice that it would be like hell froze over three times for this to happen. He laid down on the other side, which was the side he always sleeps on. Naturally my back was towards him because it was awkward being back there again. I felt his hands on either side of me and then I was pulled back right into the mold of his body, where I fit like a puzzle piece. I was so nervous, and scared, and mad, and anxious... I didn't know what to do, so I just laid there without a word.
Its crazy how well someone you think doesn't care knows you. It's like he's memorized my instruction manuel or something because out of no where he was just like, "Chelsea calm down." How the hell did he know I was freaking out. He couldn't feel or hear my heart beating... so how did he know? My breathing pattern. He told me to take a few breaths and just relax. I felt as if I couldn't really because it was awkward. I told him it was weird, and he said it felt normal, like nothing ever happened, I told him thats why it was weird. Then I started crying because I'm such a girl. He didn't believe I was really crying, so he rolled me over to face him and put the back of his hand to my face as if to wipe tears away even tough he didn't believe there were any. Which there were and he kept asking me why I was crying. I told him it was all his fault, that it was hard being back there, because the last time I was laying there he was kissing me and told me he loved me, and actually had been kissing other girls. I told him how hard it was for me to look at him without picturing that or feeling sick to my stomach.
Oh if I didn't tell you, he cheated on me a lot the last month and a half of our relationship... and it was also with a good friend of mine.
He apologized again and again and told me that he was such an ass hole to me and blah blah blah... I eventually stopped crying and gained a bit of composure. He invited me to come see the little debby show with him sometime, and to come back behind the scenes like I did last year which was so much fun. He was like guess how much I make a day at little debby? I was like I don't know 100... Nope... 250. DAYYYUMMMN. I was like, by the way you still owe me a nice dinner... but now it was has to be REAALLLY nice. He was like I know. Next week I will take you out somewhere really nice because I owe you more than a nice dinner for all that you've done for me, and all that i haven't done for you, and all I did to you. He asked me to stay until he fell asleep, and told me I was the only person who's slept in his bed since me... that he can't sleep with anyone else in the bed with him or cuddle with anyone else... it just doesn't work.
Some how I ended up with a key to his apartment again and plans to hang out again.
It makes me nervous, but excited.