(no subject)
Yesterday was an up and down day. I came to school so happy I dont know why but I was SOO excited and happy. Then after school it all went downhill. I had like a nervous breakdown. I feel like I was in a state of depression. I didnt mean to start crying and not be able to stop but I was standing and trying to keep composure and act happy but I guess even trying to act happy wasnt enough. Everyone that knows even a little bit about me knows that I like to be happy and I like to have fun. For the last past 2 or 3 weeks I have been so sad. I felt fat (lol) , and ugly, and alone and not wanted. At the end of the JV game I was watching the Varsity warm up and Chrissy Dye and her daughter Brittnee noticed by the look on my face that I wasnt happy and they also knew I haddent been for a while. Once she came over to me and she asked me what was wrong I just started to cry because it had been such a long time since someone showed me or I felt like someone cared about me. I KNOW my friends care about me, its not a question. But my perfect life was all of the sudden GONE when a my best friends went there seperate ways. My old best friend has found a new best friend and I feel not wanted when there together so I keep my distance, my 2 other best friends are either together or with their boyfriends. So for since I can remember I have been with myself. On the weekends... I sit at my house and sometimes I go to Darnells house. But I have been feeling alone. It was to the point where I looked at the caller ID and when I seen who the person on the other line was I got SOO HAPPY! I know this person cares about me, they tell me all the time, but I dont talk to them much cause they dont go to R-P. My only REAL friend to "hang out" with is michelle, and she usually has volleyball on saturdays so we dont really get to hang out. Im with amber a lot too, but them 2 are my only friends. I felt like my negativity was rubbing off on Darnell, because I felt like...I had no one else and my self esteem was so low that... I felt like I needed more attention from him, but he felt like nothing had changed and how much could he give? Which caused problems between us, and now I realize that he does care. I hang out with him last night and I was so unbelieveably happy. I wouldnt have rather been n e where else than with him. We cuddled, and were just with eachother which made me happy :o). So now its saturday and I finially feel like my life is goin in the right direction, so Thank You God and all my friends who helped me through everything (Ayla, Chrissy, Brittnee,Larry, Randy (miranda), Michelle, Maria, Katie, Krystal and Kailey.) I Love you all! Im glad I understand now!