so much to say..duno how to say it..
god....i hate this day...i always will..its like its jinxed or sumthin. It now been 3yrs since my bro died...and today at baseball we lost..my pitching sucked..i didnt hit at all....and wen i did get on base...i got out! FUCK it pisses me off..and i cant stop thinkin bout wat Tinny said....like ok she didnt mean it in that way...but like..jus the words stick in my head..like they r glued there...and then it seems like Jamie is all againest me now and grrrr.....fuck...i cant type ne more....im to pissed off and ill start sayin sum stuff that i dun wanna say...
I Scare Myself...
I scare myself sometimes,
I think about death
But I don’t want to die,
I think about the feeling
Of blood running down my leg
But I made a promise I hope
I don’t brake,
I think about feeling nothing
But then I wouldn’t feel love,
These feelings,
I pray that no one finds out,
They would get scared
And say I need help,
Is there help,
Probably not,
I want to cut so bad,
To release the pain,
Yet I want these feelings
to just go away,
I’m sinking,
Sinking deeper and deeper
inside myself,
Only one person who knows who I am,
Who I’ve become,
I lay awake at night and
Remember what life used to be like,
When I was little and hadn’t a care,
I hate it when ne1 see me cry,
I know it hurts sum deep inside,
That’s where I hide my tears,
Inside where I confine my fears,
Afraid to show how I truly feel,
Afraid that my wounds will never heal,
I’m also afraid of being accused..for that im abused
Not by anyone else,just by me...
Let It Out On Me
I cant stand this depression
please end this terrible session
always being upset or mad
constantly crying, not understanding why i am sad
talking about my problems doesn't work
putting myself in the position of *ME* being the one i want to hurt
all i want is this to stop
doesn't matter what time it may appear on the clock
as long as i know when that time is
right now, at this point of my life is
the right time for this to end
my horrid thoughts, away my mind will send
and i will end up in a place and time of perfect bliss
somewhere that there is no one or nothing that i will miss
because everyone and everything i want and need is right there with me
yet this is all inside of me, its all just a fantasy
i am here in a messed up world
just waiting for my feelings to unfurl
unleash on everyone i see
or maybe just let them all out on me
I Scare Myself...
I scare myself sometimes,
I think about death
But I don’t want to die,
I think about the feeling
Of blood running down my leg
But I made a promise I hope
I don’t brake,
I think about feeling nothing
But then I wouldn’t feel love,
These feelings,
I pray that no one finds out,
They would get scared
And say I need help,
Is there help,
Probably not,
I want to cut so bad,
To release the pain,
Yet I want these feelings
to just go away,
I’m sinking,
Sinking deeper and deeper
inside myself,
Only one person who knows who I am,
Who I’ve become,
I lay awake at night and
Remember what life used to be like,
When I was little and hadn’t a care,
I hate it when ne1 see me cry,
I know it hurts sum deep inside,
That’s where I hide my tears,
Inside where I confine my fears,
Afraid to show how I truly feel,
Afraid that my wounds will never heal,
I’m also afraid of being accused..for that im abused
Not by anyone else,just by me...
Let It Out On Me
I cant stand this depression
please end this terrible session
always being upset or mad
constantly crying, not understanding why i am sad
talking about my problems doesn't work
putting myself in the position of *ME* being the one i want to hurt
all i want is this to stop
doesn't matter what time it may appear on the clock
as long as i know when that time is
right now, at this point of my life is
the right time for this to end
my horrid thoughts, away my mind will send
and i will end up in a place and time of perfect bliss
somewhere that there is no one or nothing that i will miss
because everyone and everything i want and need is right there with me
yet this is all inside of me, its all just a fantasy
i am here in a messed up world
just waiting for my feelings to unfurl
unleash on everyone i see
or maybe just let them all out on me