(no subject)
There are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth
and he takes his life in his hands.
This is a handy guide that should be as common as driver's license in
the wallet of every husband,
boyfriend or significant other.
DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
DANGEROUS: Are you wearing THAT?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: Wow! Look at you!
DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
DANGEROUS: What did you DO all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe.
TOP 14 THINGS PMS STANDS FOR:
Pass My Shotgun
Psychotic Mood Shift
Perpetual Munching Spree
Puffy Midsection
People Make Me Sick
Provide Me with Sweets
Pardon My Sobbing
Pimples May Surface
Pass My Sweatpants
Pissy Mood Syndrome
Plainly; Men Suck
Pack My Stuff
Permanent Menstrual Syndrome
Q: How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. Only ONE!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this
house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the
bulb is BURNED OUT! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before
they figured it out. And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be
able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the
SAME CUPBOARD for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle,
actually find them 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to
change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND
UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME
IN! WHY? BECAUSE NO ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!! IT'S WONDER WE
HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12' DEEP
THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! - IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO
CLEAN THIS #@*$!#@!... HOUSE! I'm sorry...what did you ask me?
AMEN!
and he takes his life in his hands.
This is a handy guide that should be as common as driver's license in
the wallet of every husband,
boyfriend or significant other.
DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
DANGEROUS: Are you wearing THAT?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: Wow! Look at you!
DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
DANGEROUS: What did you DO all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe.
TOP 14 THINGS PMS STANDS FOR:
Pass My Shotgun
Psychotic Mood Shift
Perpetual Munching Spree
Puffy Midsection
People Make Me Sick
Provide Me with Sweets
Pardon My Sobbing
Pimples May Surface
Pass My Sweatpants
Pissy Mood Syndrome
Plainly; Men Suck
Pack My Stuff
Permanent Menstrual Syndrome
Q: How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. Only ONE!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this
house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the
bulb is BURNED OUT! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before
they figured it out. And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be
able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the
SAME CUPBOARD for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle,
actually find them 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to
change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND
UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME
IN! WHY? BECAUSE NO ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!! IT'S WONDER WE
HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12' DEEP
THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! - IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO
CLEAN THIS #@*$!#@!... HOUSE! I'm sorry...what did you ask me?
AMEN!