Just another Sunday

Nov 14, 2004 09:13

Grrr, dumb computer! I have to rewrite my whole entry! it erased it. Kick, punch, slap, "bad computer" "Bad computer!"

OKay!Well last nite, I went over and got stuff from my ole place. My ex was very nice, and help me pack. Maybe too nice, cause she wanted me to take everything, so why?!? So she could forget me! Well, I am sure she already has. I tried very hard to hide my emotions, I felt that I needed to be strong! Right b4 I left, I went 2 grab some sneakers, and that when I saw.. not one but 2 pairs of sneakers of her new plaything. I just felt like she already moved in and taken over my life. I know everyones says that dumb. But, w/ this woman I think its real. She has managed to screw me financially, emotionially, spiritually and any other way possible. she taken money, my girl, my place,
I know its dumb, but its how it is.
Over that last three weeks, it feels like I am being reborn. I changed alot about myself, a self renewal. I owe most of it to Mistyshane. She(u) have been great, in case, I havent told you! (which also I am doing more, communicating better) I have soemone interested in me and just me, not looking for the next best thing. she brings me up when i am sad, she hold me when i cry, and when i rabble on like a baby about the ex and her thing, she listens like a friend and doesnt judge me, as her g/f. She taken me in for bit, today we suppose to get a storage place, move some things around, our place is small. She runs showers, cooks me food, gets up to get me water, when i get sick. she helping me exercise and helping me eat right. She cares to help get me better. She met EL last nite, they hit it off well, that Great. I really want her to get along w/ my friends, they are very important to me. But, I knew they would.
So I finally get what "Brian Mckinney" is... the no excuse, no answer, no apology THIS IS ME! take or leave it! fUck u!attitude! I LovE IT! That my motto now in life, i realize it what I was long time ago, but, I lost it. I had it verbal, emotionally beaten out of me.
For example, on Tuesday, we went(Mistyshane and I) went to my ole place to get some of my laundary done, she already offered to do it for me. When I walked in the door, my ex started in on me that she wasnt gonna do my laundary, she finished it all already. I told her we do it, and she rolled her eyes saying Missy was a suck up! While sitting there, my ex asked what we were all doing for dinner, I really hadnt thought about it, I figure we get something after we gone dance, while I asked the boy and cooked dinner. Yes I cooked! She kept watching over me, the whole time ifI asked Missy something she roll her eyes, cause I spoke to her in a assertative manner, you could say, but, she used to be submissive to her, so I think It bother her very much. As I stood over this hot pot of food, I realize, all along I was this lil subbie, who jumped at anything she needed or if possible do it b4. and There I was doing right over again. I thought to myself, she must be laughing at me, thinking..." ha! she under my control! she jump when i talk! I can still get her to do what I want! poor Missy, thinking she got someone to dome her but, she a fake!" I know .. I am hard enough on me, no one else has to be. Today, I want to go over there, get some stuff. I want to be bitter and bitchy and take everything that mine, so that I dont have to see her again. but, my nature is to give, and fuck over myself. always has been! I dont know what to do! I do know I am taking my BED! I Love that bed! I have fond memories in that BED, and I dont want the stained with pictures of them doing it on my BED and sheets! Yes I am a dog! Yes I am a MAN! but, I DONT FUCKING Care! THat is ME and I not Apologizing anymore.

Mistyshane and I went out, she tried sushi for the 1st time, she like it, I think. She said it wasnt 2 bad. Plus El makes sushi fun, she is a bad influence. BUT I LOVE HER! Then, we went to the Zone, met up w/ other people, and danced our aszz off! I think I realized why I have been so soar. I been dancing like every day or just about. and THen I needed to do my situps 8 last nite, I was dieing. God, I am Fat! But, that okay, cause slowly, but surely I am gonna look so BOi! I cant wait for it.
Well, my baby, laying down all nieked, and cute, so I gonna lay beside for abit. I think i have rabbled on for a while.. LOL!

Every day is a new Beginning! and a New Ending! Make it count!
Previous post Next post
Up