Yea
So, im a little inspired to write a nice lengthy journal entry tonight. First off i think im gonna start off by saying wow, how life has changed in the past year or two. One minute all i live for is the next party, or club or hang out spot to go to and now all i can think about is if i have everything ready for the baby, and making sure i've got things straight before she gets here. Its amazing, im gonna be a mommy, and as the day draws nearer i keep thinking to myself when i hold her for the first time and look into her eyes its gonna be like nothing i've ever experienced before. To know that chad and i made such a beautiful thing and shes part of me, it just seems so unbelieveable. I know im gonna be a way overprotective mom, but i think its just cuz i care so much. I dont know tho. Tonight my mom made me cry cuz she and i were sitting here and she was like you are gonna be a great mother. And started crying. It means so much coming from my mom, my best friend, the person i confide in the most. SHe has been here every step of the way and i love her for that.
I cant seem to get through my head that times have changed so much. its so weird how much things have changed, and as they were changing i didnt even realize. Theres so many mistakes that i've made, and yet i have no regrets anymore. I'm glad i am where i am today, i love my life and im very happy to be having a baby, and being at the place i am in my life right now. I dont understand how ppl can go on living life with no meaning, getting drunk and high and doing god knows what else EVERY night just doesnt seem worth it to me. BUt then again i've never been much into that stuff just drinking i guess in my younger days. Everyone has to experience the good and the bad but its so amazing how good the bad eventually makes you.
I have so many friends going through relationship problems, and they ask me for advice, and its just like wow, i look at the way i view relationships so much differently then i did a few years ago. I dont know if its the maturity coming out in me or what, but its definatly a good thing. I hate when i see my friends hearts breaking in two and theres not a damn thing i can do for them. All i can offer is an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on cuz i know how hard it is to get over someone that you thought you'd spend forever with. But in the long run you have to remember thers a reason for everything.
I dont care about what ppl think of me, which i know a lot of ppl say. But i got so sick of the way ppl treat each other and the way ppl talk about others behind their backs and i just cant stand that kind of situation, so normally i just stay away from ppl. I hate when ppl are so desperate that they have to make another persons life miserable. It just seems like a bunch of childish games that i just do not care to play anyomore.
If anyone knows me now, my real true friends they will be the first to tell you how much i've changed, and how much different i am today. And im not upset i changed its the best thing thats ever happened to me. I have a family that loves me and im about to have a baby. What more could a girl ask for. Everything isnt always peaches and cream but i know it took me a long time to get to where i am today, and ij ust smile knowing that i made it this far.
For all of you that have had faith in me over the years and have been here through good times and bad thank you. You have been my rock and without you i wouldnt be here now. Times get tough but you never gave up and thats what i love about a true friend.
In closing this long boring post i just want to say thanks again, i love you all, and best of luck to you and your futures.........