My Baby (A JMac Story) Chapter Eleven
Chapter Eleven - "You’ve Got A Friend":
~~Monday, June 25, 2001~Chicago, IL~~
~~Jesse’s POV~~
“Hey guys. Have you seen Shawn anywhere?” I ask the guys after letting myself into Frank’s and Matt’s room. I’ve been looking for her for about thirty minutes. It’s been like this a lot recently. I’m not too sure where she keeps running off to. But usually as soon as I’m done looking for her, she turns up and is always really happy. So, I haven’t had the nerve to ask her where she was. Just in case it makes her mad. But other than that, our relationship is great. We still talk all the time and spend as much time as possible together. Which sadly, I know could be more if she wasn’t disappearing all the time. I know that I’m going to have to ask her soon what’s going on and where she’s always going. But I really don’t want to fight with her when we have such limited time together. But I also want to spend as much time together as we possibly can because we do have such limited time. You see my dilemma?
They all exchange looks before Frank speaks up. “Um, no we haven’t.” I look at each of them, trying to see if they are lying or hiding something. But they all seem to really not know anything. I release a heavy sigh.
“OK, then, well I’m going to keep looking.” I start to turn to leave. But stop once Matt talks.
“Did you check in her’s and Lea’s room?” I look at him a little in disbelief.
“Now, why didn’t I think of that?” I roll my eyes. “Yea, Lea is in there with Greg’s sisters. And they haven’t seen her since she left for breakfast at like nine this morning.” I start to turn again. This time stopped by Greg saying something, and it really stuns me and makes me furious, especially if it’s true.
“What about your room?” I give him a glare.
“Why would she be in my room? How would she have even gotten in there?” I continue with the glare, but it doesn’t faze him.
“Well, I know that I haven’t seen Chris all day.” The other guys nod in agreement. “So, maybe they're hanging out or something. It’s just a suggestion, man. It’s always going to be the one place that you never think or expect to look.” He shrugs his shoulders as if it’s nothing. But if she is with Chris, I can only imagine what he’s trying to do. Though he has been better about everything with me around, I just don’t want to think about if he was with her alone. But what Greg said really makes sense, and I never would think to look in my own room. Without saying another word, I turn and leave. Walking down the hall to mine and Chris’ room, I pause briefly before inserting my key card and opening the door.
And for once I really wish that Greg was wrong. But there they are. Her lying on my bed looking at something and him on his laughing at something that he’s telling her. They haven’t even notice me being here yet. I stand here and watch them for a minute before just turning and leaving. I go back to the room where the guys are. I can’t help but have this feeling that Greg knows something that he hasn’t told me but definitely should have. And so help me, I’m going to get him to tell me.
~~Shawn’s POV~~
I woke up this morning fully expecting to spend the guys’ whole day off just me and Jesse. But when I went to get him for breakfast, Chris answered the door and said that Jess wasn’t up yet. So, being nice, and still wanting to fully figure him out, I asked if he wanted to join me. And now here we are three hours later, hanging out in his and Jesse’s room laughing and talking as if we’ve known each other forever.
Over these last few days or so, I have found myself to be alone with Chris more often. But this time is the first that we’re like this and completely comfortable with each other. And I like it. Maybe a little too much. But He could never replace Jesse. And I wouldn’t and don’t want him to. I love Jesse. With my whole heart. I just really want to get along with all his friends. And that includes Chris. And we haven’t been, until about five days ago when we were the only ones up at breakfast and I didn’t see the point in us sitting alone, so I sat with him. It was beyond awkward but we talked and it has steadily grown to this apparently.
I just find one thing still weird. Chris still acts a little weird around me when the rest of the guys are there too. He at least talks to me a little bit now, but he just always seems so uncomfortable. I want to ask him why, but I’m a little afraid of the answer.
But other than Jesse, the guy I talk the most with is Greg. I’ve found that I haven’t been able to sleep much since this whole Chris thing, so one night when Greg was sharing a room with Jesse; I went to their room hoping to talk to Jess, but he was already out. But Greg offered his ear and now it’s just another task added to the routine. I go and talk to Greg after everyone has gone to sleep and he lets me vent and offers up advice when he feels the need. And he always knows the right time to give it too. He’s quickly becoming like a brother to me, but also a very good friend. Because I know that I’d never be able to go to Austin just to vent and talk and maybe get advice. Let alone friendship and relationship advice.
But all the guys are cool. We get along great. And hopefully after today, Chris won’t be so weird around all of us. I look over at him as he’s still laughing at a story that he was telling me, but was a little hard for me to follow since he was laughing the whole time. And I notice the door closing out of the corner of my eye. Oh, no. This can’t be good. Because that has to be Jesse that had come in here. And I know that I should have, but I never told him that Chris and I have been talking and hanging out. Oh, no. This is so not going to be good. Without thinking anymore, I jump up and go to the door.
“Yo, what’s up?” Chris asks. Well, I guess he didn’t notice that Jesse was just here. I don’t answer him as I walk out into the hallway, leaving the door open. I look down the hall but I don’t see Jesse anywhere. “Um, do you care to fill me in?” I jump and turn to look at Chris, who is now standing by my side.
“Oh, um, I think that Jesse came in the room a minute ago. But I’m not too sure if it was him because I just saw the door closing. But it had to be right? I mean you and him are the only ones that have access.” I start walking down the hall to Frank’s and Matt’s room. I notice that the dead bolt is holding the door ajar, so I just walk in. I look around and it’s just Frankie and Matt in the room watching TV. Chris walks past me and sits on the floor next to the couch, causing them to look at him and then me.
“Oh, Jesse was just here looking for you.” I look at Matt and then to Frankie.
“OK, well do you know where he went now?” I ask looking between the two of them. They both shrug but then Frankie speaks.
“Um, well he left for a little bit and then came back asking to talk to Greg alone. They just left a little before you got here. But neither said anything about where they were going.” He shrugs again as if this isn’t a big deal. But I guess to them, it wouldn’t be. Since no one knows about my nightly chats with Greg and Greg is the only one that knows about my time with Chris, well besides Jesse now anyway. I look down to Chris and he just shrugs at me too. But I’m freaking out here. Man, I really hope that Greg just insists that he come talk to me. I trust Greg to not repeat anything that I’ve told him. But I also know that Jesse is his best friend. So he won’t want to lie to him either. Man, this couldn’t be a bigger mess.
~~Greg’s POV~~
OK, well you did your part. You at least lead him in the right direction. He needed to know. And apparently Shawn wasn’t going to tell him any time soon. So, now he knows. I turn back to the TV as Jesse gets completely out of sight. I’ve liked having my nightly chats with Shawn. Really, I have, but she really should have told Jesse about the whole Chris thing. And I’ve been telling her that from the first night, she just hasn’t done it. She said that she didn’t see the point if nothing was going on. I told her that he won’t see it that way, especially if he doesn’t find out from her. He’ll see it as there is something to hide because she didn’t tell him. She was resistant to believe me though.
“Um, Greg can we talk?” I glance up at Jesse as he comes back in the room. Well, that was fast. I stand up, trying to act confused, though I know very well what he wants to talk about. “Alone?” He clarifies. It’s then that I notice that both Matt and Frank are waiting anxiously to hear more. I nod and follow him out of the room.
We get to my room and I let us in. He sits in the chair as I take a seat on the bed. It’s a tense silence for about five minutes. And just when I thought that maybe he was backing out, he asks the one question that I can’t answer. At least not without betraying another friend and I can’t and won’t do that. Even if he is my best friend and the other friend is his girlfriend.
“What all do you know Greg? And don’t lie to me.” I look up at him but he’s just staring at his hands.
“Well, I can’t answer that. It’s not for me to tell you, you need to talk to Shawn.” I keep watching him as he processes what I’ve just said.
“Um, OK, so, therefore, you do know something?” He asks, this time looking up and meeting my gaze.
“Yes, I know everything. But it’s not my place to say. I already did my part, and that’s all that I can do.” I shake my head, giving him a sympathetic look.
He nods slowly, his eyes going to the floor again. “Am I losing her Greg?” And I honestly don’t know what to say to that. The emotion filling his voice catches me completely off guard and is enough to make tears come to my eyes, as I’m sure they have to his at this point.
I take a slow deep breath and release it just as slowly. “Honestly, Shawn is the only person who can answer that question truthfully. But from what I know and everything that she has said and how she’s said it, no, you’re not losing her.” He quickly meets my eyes and my heart quenches for him and goes out to him. “Not yet, at least.” I finish, wishing that I didn’t have to add that. But knowing that it’s for the best.
“What,” he clears his throat, “What do mean by 'not yet'?” He continues to meet my gaze as I prepare myself for what I’m about to say.
“I mean that you really need to talk to her and not hold anything back. You have to ask the questions and make sure she answers them to your liking. Whether you like what she has to say or not. And the sooner you do, the better.”
“Can you give me anything? I mean anything at all? Maybe about what Chris is thinking and what not?” I look him over. I haven’t talked to Chris personally, so I have no idea what he’s really thinking or anything. But man, I so feel that I have to give him something.
“Um, well, I haven’t talked to him about anything like this in a long time.” I see his face fall. “But I can tell you what I think he might be feeling and maybe thinking from what I have heard.” And his face lifts just the slightest bit. I give a small smile because of it. “I think that he does want Shawn to himself. And that he’s enjoying getting to spend time with her when no one’s around, and thus steadily making it happen more often, whether that be consciously or not. Which is something that we already knew to an extent. I also think that Shawn just wants to be friends with your friends because you mean so much to her, therefore, she’s hanging out with him and talking with him a lot to get to know him as well as she has the rest of us. And for now, he’s playing the whole friends front, just to be able to get closer to her later on. But again, this is all just what I’m thinking is going on, and it could be completely wrong and way out in left field.” Granted I do know that the Shawn part is fact, she told me herself when I asked her flat out if she liked Chris.’ I watch as he processes all this new information.
I watch him for a few minutes more before there is a knock at the door. “Do you want me to answer it, or just let her think that we aren’t in here?” He gives me a confused look. “I’m pretty sure that it’s Shawn looking for you.” He glances back to the door just as another knock sounds. He looks back to me and nods briefly. I get up but pause as I get to the door. “I’ll let you guys use my room to talk it out too, OK?” He nods again.
As I turn the knob, he finally says something. I turn back to him. “Thanks Greg. This means a lot and I understand why you wouldn’t tell me more.” I give him a nod and a smile.
“No problem man.” I open the door. And sure enough a frazzled Shawn is on the other side. I give her a soft, gentle smile with a knowing look.
“Um, is Jesse still with you?” I open the door wider, letting her in and bringing him into her view. As soon as her eyes land on him, her whole body visibly relaxes. Man, I really hope they can work this out. They’re so perfect together and for each other. I smile again, to myself this time.
“Well, I’ll just leave you and go see what the others are up to.” I make my quick exit before either one can say anything. They really do need to work this out.
~~Jesse’s POV~~
I’m not entirely sure what to say. I mean, she doesn’t know that I know yet. So, how to start this off in the best way? As the silence lengthens, the air around us gets even tenser. After a few minutes, I look up at her and she’s pacing the floor, apparently anxious and nervous. Well, at least I’m not the only one.
Finally she stops moving and turns to me. “It was you that had entered your room a little bit ago, right?” I just look at her. So, she did notice me. But then why is she asking if it was me? “I mean, I turned to say something to Chris and I just saw the door swinging closed, so, it had to be you, right?” I meet her eyes again. Then I finally nod.
“Yea, it was me. I thought that you guys didn't noticed.” I can tell that she is less stressed and tense just by my response. Wonder why that is though? I mean what would it matter if it was me over any of the other guys? “Um, Shawn, what exactly is going on?” I watch her as she looks at me for a couple seconds before she starts pacing again. Shortly after, she starts rambling and talking so fast, that I can hardly keep up and catch every word. So, much for being less stressed and tense. She seems to be even more nervous now.
“Well, it all started the other morning when Chris and I were the only ones awake and down at breakfast. I didn’t see the point in both of us sitting alone so I sat with him and we started talking. Then we started to find ourselves alone more often and hanging out and talking a lot more, but only when we’re alone. I’m not sure why, but he always seems so uncomfortable when everyone is together. I haven't gotten to ask him about that yet though. Anyway, then this morning I came to get you for breakfast, but Chris said you were still asleep, so to be nice and since we have been getting along so well recently, I asked him to join me. The next thing I know its three hours later and you’re leaving your room and here we are.” She finally takes a breath. I watch her as she calms down and gains control of her breathing before I say anything else.
“OK, but nothing else has happened?” She stops walking altogether and turns to look at me.
“What do you mean, ‘nothing else’? I just told you everything.”
“I mean that he hasn’t tried anything with you. Anything at all, that would be more than ‘just friends’ territory.”
“WHAT?! God, no! It’s been strictly platonic! Do you honestly not trust me more than that?” And this is the exact reason why I didn’t want to ever bring this up.
“Of course I trust you. I just don’t fully trust Chris. I’ve seen him when it comes to a girl that he likes or finds attractive. On more than one occasion, I’ve seen just the extremes that he’ll go through to get them to himself. I’m just making sure that HE is being ‘just friends’. OK?" I look her over, trying to see if I said the right thing and worded it the right way. Looks like it, at least for now. "I love you; I don’t want to lose you.” She just stares into my eyes for a few minutes.
“OK, I can understand that, I guess. But you know that I don’t see him that way right? Not since I met you. I’ve already told you all about that. You do know that I LOVE YOU, right?’
I smile and get up and walk over to her. “Of course I know that. I love you too.” I grasp her hands in my own, lacing our fingers. “Just one more thing.”
“OK, shoot.” I smile at her again, looking into her eyes.
“Why didn’t you just come to me instead of going to Greg?” She laughs at me briefly before meeting my eyes again.
“Well, technically, I did come to you, but you were already completely passed out. And Greg offered to listen, and it just became routine to go talk to him after everyone was asleep. I’m sorry. But there’s oddly something very therapeutic about talking to Greg. You know if this whole music thing doesn’t work out, he should totally consider becoming a therapist.” I just shake my head at her. And we laugh together at the mental image that gives us.
“Oh, baby girl, you’re something else.” We continue laughing for a minute or so. “Thanks, but please always come to me too.” She nods agreeing with me and leans up giving me a soft kiss.
“OK, babe, will do from here on out. I promise.” I give her a soft gentle kiss, moving my hands from hers up to cup both sides of her face.
“OK, I promise that I will come talk to you too. I love you.” We smile at each other.
“I love you too.” We share another soft kiss, but this one quickly turns more heated and passionate. Man, I’ve needed a kiss like this all day.