to little to late;...
okay so this wekend was amazing! got tickets to mardi gras hung out with cassy a lot and just talked and realized that we have a lot in common and just learned a lot from eachothers experiences in life and had a few great talks=D ive recently started to tlak to albert a lot like A LOT and i love it! i missed him a lot! ive also learned that i seem to lead people on but i dont mean to! ugh i have a problem... i like a guy and flirt and whatever and the minute i hear they like me i pull away! ugh and i hate this and i know not all guys are dicks but i cant help but think to far ahead and know in the end someone will get hurt and i know it will be me! i just ugh pull back so much and i hate it! i dont need a boyfriend nor do i really want one but ugh i hate to lead people on but i dont in the moment i just have a problem forgeting my past and what could happen! and im sorry albert for hurting your feelings tonight i didnt mean to i will make it up to you dont worry! tonight was fun i thought it wasn't going to be but it was... a bunch of people from work went bowling aaha i suck ass so much! but it was fun and dont worry nicole next time I WILL WIN! hahah and when that guy just came up to us and did magic tricks ahaha well card tricks but still very creepy lol and then we went back to mc donalds and then i came home... so school really sucks for me well im failing my classes and ugh i feel so stupid! i try but i just cant do it and im so envious of my friends that get it in a blink of a eye!!! and i really hate asking for help but i think im going to cause i cant afford to fail classes my mom would shoot me!!!
there is just so much pressure everywhere i go and i just cant take it anymore... from school my mom even my sister now friends and everyone else! its getting to be to much and i just cant handle it, i wanna fight back somehow but i cant i try to be good but it just never works i want to go to university but i dont think i can make it=( harsh but ugh i feel so dumb and not good at anything or anything riight now at least! i should be so happy yah know with people who care about me i have amazing friends a job everything at home but ugh it doesnt matter in a way i feel like i have nothing at all like i have nothing going for me so whats the point anymore of trying... ugh its so complicated but i cant hold it in anymore! just everything is slowly going down hill and when i try to ignore it, it just gets a million times worse. sometimes i just wanna run out of my house and just go somewhere but since i dont have a car i cant man the minute i get one i can just leave and wouldnt care! but oh well thats my rant for tonight byebye people love you all<3
there is just so much pressure everywhere i go and i just cant take it anymore... from school my mom even my sister now friends and everyone else! its getting to be to much and i just cant handle it, i wanna fight back somehow but i cant i try to be good but it just never works i want to go to university but i dont think i can make it=( harsh but ugh i feel so dumb and not good at anything or anything riight now at least! i should be so happy yah know with people who care about me i have amazing friends a job everything at home but ugh it doesnt matter in a way i feel like i have nothing at all like i have nothing going for me so whats the point anymore of trying... ugh its so complicated but i cant hold it in anymore! just everything is slowly going down hill and when i try to ignore it, it just gets a million times worse. sometimes i just wanna run out of my house and just go somewhere but since i dont have a car i cant man the minute i get one i can just leave and wouldnt care! but oh well thats my rant for tonight byebye people love you all<3