Reality Check

[babygirl3123]

Yesterday morning was my final goodbye...It was weird standing out in the cemetary, realizing that the caskett we are looking at was my Grandmothers. It's just not right, it's not fair...It was a really good turn out though, many people who are close friends to the family. I've been drunk since noon yesterday it seems. I just can't hack this...I'm not strong enough to deal with this just by myself. Who could ever not cry over a great women like her. I guess I just gotta keep thinking that she's in the place that was made for her...relaxing and watchin over us all. Too soon...but yesterday was it. Then end of the physical torture, now it's all mental. I was so exhausted today that I woke up and then took a 4 hr nap. This is what happens when you don't know how to control your emotions correctly. And now we're all just getting back from the bar...drunk as usual. It seems to be worse when I'm not here though...being here is hard but it just isn't right to leave my Grandpa alone. I don't like that at all...it hurts. All of this hurts...

So tomorrow morning we'll head out at 7 30 in the morning and make our 11 hr trip back to TR where I'll pretend like life is normal and when the end of July comes I'll be seein everyone again, but not her. It was absolutely frightening to think of that. As I sleep in her house, I can still feel her presence, hear her voice, and see her actions in my Mom and my Aunt. This is one of those things in life that you could have hate for years but it just needs time to pass. I just can't rap my mind around it...

Forever rest in peace my love! Love you Gamma!