(no subject)
Ah fuuuuck... I feel unreasonably needy. I don't think that I'm letting my actions convey just how needy I feel yet, but it sucks to feel like...always on the verge of blurting out things that sound really commital...even though they would accurately show how I feel. Because I'm pretty sure that he doesn't quite get what he's saying when he talks about our future. Part of me thinks he says it all because he thinks that's what good boyfriends do. FUuuuuuuck. I don't want that!
Goddamn. Okay, so I suppose my needyness shouldn't seem so unreasonable...especially if he encourages it. I mean, it's not like I want his nuts in a jar. I'm just worried that my being with him every night doesn't give him much space...even if he refutes this. I guess I just don't like feeling attached yet. I don't trust it. Which means I don't trust him. My, my, my....how cliche.
On top of this I just feel completely adrift. There is nowhere that I comfortably fit anymore without worrying about stepping on toes.
Usually when I feel like this I start making plans to move away from everything and everyone, and this gives me solace. But these plans never seem to go through before I get impatient, disappear for a day and feel better.
This has just been a really bad month I guess. It's all making me feel like a total sad-sack.
Good thing I'm not drinking so much anymore. Sheesh. I can't even begin to imagine how bad that would be...
Goddamn. Okay, so I suppose my needyness shouldn't seem so unreasonable...especially if he encourages it. I mean, it's not like I want his nuts in a jar. I'm just worried that my being with him every night doesn't give him much space...even if he refutes this. I guess I just don't like feeling attached yet. I don't trust it. Which means I don't trust him. My, my, my....how cliche.
On top of this I just feel completely adrift. There is nowhere that I comfortably fit anymore without worrying about stepping on toes.
Usually when I feel like this I start making plans to move away from everything and everyone, and this gives me solace. But these plans never seem to go through before I get impatient, disappear for a day and feel better.
This has just been a really bad month I guess. It's all making me feel like a total sad-sack.
Good thing I'm not drinking so much anymore. Sheesh. I can't even begin to imagine how bad that would be...