(no subject)
I decided to harness my drunkness. I guess this is what happens when you haven't checked in with yourself in a long, long time...which means that writing down the following was WAY better than sex.
When I listen to “Polaris” by Jimmy Eat World as I drive through this town, I feel like I’m watching the life I so desperately wanted pass me by on the other side of the road; fleeing from me in an entirely opposite direction. And it’s not like I didn’t stop and tell myself that life…MY life, would feel so foreign and make this frightening mad dash so quickly someday. It’s not like I didn’t somehow know that all I can do is stand by and watch memories, people and places that I had made a permanent fixture bleed away from me down the pavement. But it’s not like I can really fight this totally impossible yearning to turn the car around. And suddenly it’s like my brakes don’t work anymore. Yet I sit here in the passenger’s seat and somehow forget that I’m supposed to be driving because all I can do is watch, mouth agape, as the life I thought I had takes flight without me. Oh, the rudeness of this offense…my own life isn’t even mine to lead. And it’s Fall. What a fucking beautifully and ironically crafted insult to this, my deepest injury. What poetic justice that I should hear that melody again, and feel the chilly breeze of change on my face once more, and smell the sweet turn of the leaves beneath the treads of my tires as I float down these haunted roads...these roads that seem to know and call my name. And every year I answer, because the soothing damp of the air and the color of the town and its people call me alive to a place I seem to remember. It’s a place that I call home, and there are people that I love. And every day I go. And every day these voices, these roads that seemed so straight, make me forget that I am driving toward a place that now only exists…to make me remember that it’s gone.
...Anyway, Kiki's Delivery Service is on...which is the only priority I feel like having for the next two hours. Yay life.
When I listen to “Polaris” by Jimmy Eat World as I drive through this town, I feel like I’m watching the life I so desperately wanted pass me by on the other side of the road; fleeing from me in an entirely opposite direction. And it’s not like I didn’t stop and tell myself that life…MY life, would feel so foreign and make this frightening mad dash so quickly someday. It’s not like I didn’t somehow know that all I can do is stand by and watch memories, people and places that I had made a permanent fixture bleed away from me down the pavement. But it’s not like I can really fight this totally impossible yearning to turn the car around. And suddenly it’s like my brakes don’t work anymore. Yet I sit here in the passenger’s seat and somehow forget that I’m supposed to be driving because all I can do is watch, mouth agape, as the life I thought I had takes flight without me. Oh, the rudeness of this offense…my own life isn’t even mine to lead. And it’s Fall. What a fucking beautifully and ironically crafted insult to this, my deepest injury. What poetic justice that I should hear that melody again, and feel the chilly breeze of change on my face once more, and smell the sweet turn of the leaves beneath the treads of my tires as I float down these haunted roads...these roads that seem to know and call my name. And every year I answer, because the soothing damp of the air and the color of the town and its people call me alive to a place I seem to remember. It’s a place that I call home, and there are people that I love. And every day I go. And every day these voices, these roads that seemed so straight, make me forget that I am driving toward a place that now only exists…to make me remember that it’s gone.
...Anyway, Kiki's Delivery Service is on...which is the only priority I feel like having for the next two hours. Yay life.