Fic: Contradictions (4-6/?) {SVU - Olivia/Casey}
Title: Contradictions
Pairing: Olivia/Casey
Rating: R
Summary: Follow up to Blinded. Casey's then-boyfriend Charlie attacked her. Casey struggles with her conflicting emotions.
Warnings: descriptions of emotional, physical, and sexual abuse.
Spoilers: Blinded.
Disclaimer: I don't own SVU. No profit made. No infringement intended.
Previous Chapters Here
Chapter 4
-------------------
Olivia sits at her desk, her thumb scratching her finger absentmindedly. Once again her thoughts return to last night, when she accidentally triggered Casey. She feels stupid for considering making love in the first place, when it should have been obvious to her that Casey needed more time. Still, Casey had been eager at first, with demanding words whispered in Olivia's ear. Olivia had tried to be careful, hyperaware of how she touched and spoke to Casey. It was hard for Olivia to know what might trigger Casey since she still hadn't shared the details with Olivia. Olivia knew that even if she did, Casey still couldn't predict every trigger. Sex was a minefield, and Olivia felt like idiot for crossing it.
Olivia finally gets up, trying to remain casual as she walks through the precinct. Once she reaches the wall of brochures, she swiftly grabs several written for the partners of survivors, hoping she hasn't drawn any attention to herself. As she makes her way back to her desk she finds herself studying her partner at his desk. Once the shock of Casey struggling in her arms had worn off, after the agonizing moments in which she recoiled, her hands letting go of Casey like she'd just been burned by her skin, Olivia had known that it was a conversation she needed to have with Elliot. It was impossible to deny the panic that had run through her veins, her guilt cemented when she was unable to comfort Casey. Olivia knew that until she'd asked Casey's permission, she had no right to tell Elliot that Casey had been raped, more or less the other issues that arose from it. She dreads even bringing up the topic of telling someone else, but she knows she desperately needs to talk to someone about last night, and that person can't be Casey.
A few hours later Olivia has finally finished all of the day's paperwork, and she can at last go home to Casey. On her way home she picks up takeaway from Casey's favourite Italian restaurant and swings by the video store.
--------------
Casey gives Olivia a small smile when she sees the food and a bigger one once she sees the movie choices.
"Separate But Equal, To Kill a Mockingbird and Witness for the Prosecution? Olivia Benson, you'd think you were a detective or something. I practically wore my library's VHS versions of these out in my teens," Casey tells Olivia with a grin.
"Casey Novak, if I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times: nothing you ever say about your high school self surprises me, and yet it continues to make you seem more adorable," Olivia says with a laugh.
Casey simply nods knowingly.
As Olivia grabs the plates and pours their drinks, Casey puts Separate But Equal into the DVD player. Olivia finishes bringing everything into the living room, Casey presses play and takes her seat next to Olivia. Not long after they've both finished eating Casey leans her head against Olivia's shoulder, and Olivia hesitantly takes her hand.
"Casey, would you be okay with me talking to Elliot about my own emotions and issues with your rape? I totally understand if you don't want him to know, but I do think I need to talk to someone. I could see a counselor if you'd rather keep your privacy," Olivia asks during a slower part of the film.
Casey is silent for a moment, and Olivia is terrified that she's upset her.
"I'm okay with you telling Elliot, as long as he understands I'm not ready for other people at work to know yet," Casey finally responds.
"I'll make sure he respects that," Olivia says, squeezing Casey's hand.
Both of them are silent for a while.
"Casey? I also picked up some brochures today at work, the ones for the partners of survivors. I'm very familiar with a lot of it from work, but I've never been on this side of it, you know?" Olivia says softly.
"Me either," Casey replies with a mirthless chuckle.
"I mean, I know some things from growing up with my mother, but I'd really like to get my facts straight and try to understand better how to deal with it," Olivia continues.
"I think that's a good idea, really," Casey replies more gently. "I know you're trying really hard, and I do appreciate it."
Olivia moves her arm to draw Casey closer and Casey wraps her arm around Olivia's waist, curling into her. They stay like this until the credits roll and Olivia realizes Casey has fallen asleep. Olivia carefully leans up to grab the blanket from the sofa's arm, covers both their bodies with the blanket and leans back down to sleep with Casey curled against her.
Chapter 5
---------------The teenager with sharp blue eyes and brown hair in wisps that frame her face lingers in precinct hallway, watching the detective intently. Biting her lip she finally enters the precinct and approaches her.
"Are you a police officer?" she asks, trying to keep her voice strong and clear.
Olivia looks up, studying the teen.
"I am, would you like to see my badge?" Olivia asks with a smile.
"You, um, you investigate things like rape, right?" the teen continues, not responding to Olivia's offer.
"I do," Olivia replies, her face growing serious. "Do you have something you'd like to report?"
"And you handle a fair amount of date rapes?" the teen interrupts, her questioning growing more insistent.
"We do. In fact, the majority of rapes are committed by someone the victim knows," Olivia responds, sensing that she should keep her tone conversational to help the teen explain the situation.
The girl looks directly at Olivia for a second, her blue eyes revealing that this surprises her. She then looks down, biting her lip again.
"What about women? Do you prosecute many women who rape?" She asks, keeping her eyes fixed on the ground.
"Well, less rapes by women are reported, but yes, we have prosecuted female rapists," Olivia replies.
"Ones that raped women?" The teen can't help her voice from dropping in volume.
Olivia pauses.
"No, we haven't prosecuted any female-on-female acquaintance rapes yet," Olivia replies after a moment.
The teen's next words come out in a rush, as desperate to remain unheard as they are to be heard.
"If a girl, if she was date- date-raped by another woman, she should just go home and forget about it, right?" Her tone indicates that she almost wishes the answer were yes.
"No," Olivia says firmly, catching the blue eyes that snap up to look at hers.
"She shouldn't just forget about it," Olivia adds more gently. "She should talk about, and see if someone could help her."
Olivia gives the teen a look of understanding, silently acknowledging that she knows exactly who "the girl" is.
"How about we go somewhere private to talk? There's an interview room this way," Olivia says with a soft smile, leading the teen down the hall.
---------------
The teen keeps her eyes fixed on the worn surface of the table, her body tense against her chair. Olivia returns a few minutes later with a notepad and a tape recorder, sitting down across from the teen.
"My name is Detective Olivia Benson. Can you tell me your name?" Olivia asks with a soft smile.
"Emily. Emily Williams," she says softly.
"Okay, Emily, I'm going to need to ask you some questions, and they're going to be recorded. Now, you can either have me ask you the questions by myself, you can have my partner Elliot ask you questions by himself, or can have both of us present. It just depends which makes you feel most comfortable," Olivia tells her.
Emily hesitates, then replies quietly, "Um, just you?".
"Sure," Olivia replies giving her a smile. "Now, Emily, I'm going to turn on the tape recorder. I want you to just try to relax and talk to me, okay?"
"Alright," Emily replies, looking up to show Olivia her bravest face.
"Can you please state your full name?"
"Emily Anne Williams."
"Please state your age and birth date."
"I'm 18. I was born on December 5th, 1992."
"Emily, can you please tell me what happened?"
"I think, um, I think I was date raped. By a woman, " Emily says, her voice breaking despite her efforts to remain calm.
"Emily?" Olivia asks, giving the teen a chance to focus on just looking at her.
"Emily, when did this happen?" Olivia asks gently.
"Yesterday," Emily says softly.
"Have you showered yet?" Olivia asks.
The teen only shakes her head, biting her lip.
"Have you changed your clothing?"
Emily nods. "I- I hid them in a bag in my closet."
"Okay, Emily, we're going to put this interview on hold, because I need you to go to the hospital to get checked out."
Emily's hand grips the chair so hard that her knuckles turn white.
"I'll be there the whole time, okay?" Olivia says gently. "Do you want to hold my hand?"
Emily hesitantly lets go of the chair and takes Olivia's hand.
Chapter 6
-----------------
For the next hour, Emily only focuses on holding Olivia's hand. She allows herself to worry about if she's holding on too tight, or if her palm is too sweaty. What she doesn't allow herself to think about is the cold air hitting her legs, or whose hands are touching her thighs. She grips Olivia's hand, and then loosens her fingers, afraid she'll upset Olivia.
"You're doing great sweetheart," Olivia says softly, squeezing her hand. Emily shuts her eyes again.
-------------
Emily finds herself once again in the chair, her fingers gripping the metal, her eyes studying the movement of the tape.
"What happened yesterday?" Olivia asks, placing a cup of water in front of Emily.
Emily takes a long drink, grateful for an excuse for her silence.
"I was so stupid," she admits, the words choked out before she finishes swallowing.
"Why don't you just start at the beginning?" Olivia prods gently.
Emily closes her eyes for a moment, trying to find a peace, a stillness, within her so that she can think clearly.
"There's this girl. I've sort of seen her around a couple times, but you know, we weren't really friends. I kinda got the impression she was interested in me, but I'd never really been that interested in her. Well, yesterday, she invited me to her dorm at NYU to watch movies. If you remember, it was snowing, and everyone just felt like being indoors. I don't know why I said yes. I was just feeling kind of lonely, you know? My dad's divorced, and sometimes he stays over night at his girlfriend's, so I just didn't really want to be alone last night. I didn't- I didn't mean to make her think- I swear to God I just wanted to be friends-" Emily explains, her panicked voice interrupted by slight gasps as she fails to breathe normally.
"Emily, can you try to take a deep breath for me?" Olivia interrupts.
Emily nods, trying to follow Olivia's directions.
"That's great. How about another deep breath?" Olivia encourages.
Emily's breathing gradually returns to normal.
"Okay Emily, so you decided to go to her dorm to watch movies?" Olivia asks once she thinks Emily seems to be sufficiently calmed down.
Emily nods.
"Were you alone?" Olivia asks.
"We saw a lot of people on the way up, I talked to her roommates for a few minutes before they left for a party."
"So after that, it was just you and her in the dorm room?"
Emily nods, biting her lip.
"So what happened after her roommates left?"
"She locked the door. She said that we didn't want someone to interrupt the movie. It made me very nervous, but I didn't know what to say," Emily says, her face red with shame.
"She scared you?" Olivia asks gently.
"Yes," Emily says quietly.
"Why?" Olivia prods.
"I um, get scared in situations where I can't get away easily. I don't like being alone with people I don't know, and I don't like doors being locked. I um, I had some problems with a boy one time. We were playing hide and seek when he locked me in the closet with him, and put his hands-," Emily trails off, blushing furiously.
Olivia waits for a moment to see if she can finish without Olivia asking her to.
"He put his hands under my dress. Under my underwear," Emily says in a small, tight voice. "I told her, the girl from yesterday, about what happened with the boy. She told me about a boy in elementary school who did something similar to her. I thought I could trust her. I didn't think someone who'd been hurt like me would-"
"-Emily," Olivia interrupts, sensing Emily might hyperventilate again. "Emily, you had every reason to think you could trust her. I need to look at me, and try to keep taking deep breaths."
Emily does as Olivia says, her blue eyes darting around the room before focusing on Olivia.
"So she locked the door, what happened after that?" Olivia says gently.
"She put on the movie. It wasn't very good, so we just talked and laughed, you know? The conversation turned kind of serious, and that's when I told her about that boy," Emily says softly.
"What happened after that?" Olivia prompts.
"After she told me about her experience, things got awkwardly quiet. We went back to watching the movie for a bit. I was busy hating the main character when she- she kissed me. I was surprised. For a second I was frozen, and then I gently pushed her off me. I said something like, 'Thanks, but no"", Emily says, looking at Olivia to see how she'll respond.
Olivia stays silent, and Emily sees kindness in her eyes.
"Then she kissed me again, harder. She grabbed my hands when I tried to push her off. One of her hands tried to pin my hands behind me while the other one- it- she put her hand under my dress. Under my panties. I turned my head roughly to the side, freeing my mouth from hers. I said no, I didn't want to. I told her I was a virgin. That I wanted to stay a virgin. I pleaded with her to not- touch me," Emily tells Olivia, trembling slightly.
Olivia reaches her hand across the table, leaving it up to Emily if she wants to take it. Emily hesitantly does, holding tightly as she makes herself get out the next words.
"She just- she wasn't listening. She just kept saying how much she wanted me. How-" Emily's eyes flutter as she blushes. Olivia squeezes her hand.
"-Wet," Emily says very quietly, "I made her."
Emily takes a deep breath.
"She pulled down my panties. I was really scared. I wasn't really screaming, just whimpering, but when her hand went to cover my mouth I bit her. She- she slapped me across the face. She said if I kept struggling that she'd hurt me worse than I could imagine. I didn't- I didn't know what to do. I just wanted to die. Right there, so she couldn't do anything to me, so I wouldn't be there anymore. So whatever she did to me wouldn't be because I failed," Emily says, her eyes squeezed shut, her hand limp in Olivia's.
Olivia lets go of her hand, and in that moment Emily is convinced that it really is all her fault. Every other voice in her head screaming that she didn't want it goes silent. Then Emily feels Olivia's hand gently touching her arm.
"Emily, you didn't do anything wrong, I promise you. You didn't fail at all. You told her no, that was all you needed to do," Olivia says softly as Emily opens her eyes to look at her.
Emily nods, her eyes doubtful yet also hopeful.
Olivia pulls her chair next to Emily's.
"I know this is really hard, but I need you to tell me what happened next," Olivia tells her.
"She put her fingers-" Emily sighs, and takes another deep breath, "- Inside me. She wasn't gentle. It hurt. After she'd- pushed her fingers inside of me for a while, she stopped. I thought it was over. Then she moved her head- down there. Again I pleaded with her not to. I was scared of STDs and I just, I wanted her to stop touching me. She grabbed my arm and twisted- not so much that it would break, but enough that I couldn't move without pain. She finally let go, and then I let her-" Emily breaks off as tears start to run down her face, her whole body shaking.
"Okay, Emily, I think you told us enough for today," Olivia says firmly. "Emily? Are you ok?" Olivia asks when the teen doesn't stop shaking.
Emily isn't fully aware of what she's doing as she launches herself into Olivia's arms, and she's immediately embarrassed once she realizes what she's done. After clinging to Olivia for a moment, Emily stiffens, and pulls back. Olivia rubs her back gently, with a mantra of comforting whispers.
Pairing: Olivia/Casey
Rating: R
Summary: Follow up to Blinded. Casey's then-boyfriend Charlie attacked her. Casey struggles with her conflicting emotions.
Warnings: descriptions of emotional, physical, and sexual abuse.
Spoilers: Blinded.
Disclaimer: I don't own SVU. No profit made. No infringement intended.
Previous Chapters Here
Chapter 4
-------------------
Olivia sits at her desk, her thumb scratching her finger absentmindedly. Once again her thoughts return to last night, when she accidentally triggered Casey. She feels stupid for considering making love in the first place, when it should have been obvious to her that Casey needed more time. Still, Casey had been eager at first, with demanding words whispered in Olivia's ear. Olivia had tried to be careful, hyperaware of how she touched and spoke to Casey. It was hard for Olivia to know what might trigger Casey since she still hadn't shared the details with Olivia. Olivia knew that even if she did, Casey still couldn't predict every trigger. Sex was a minefield, and Olivia felt like idiot for crossing it.
Olivia finally gets up, trying to remain casual as she walks through the precinct. Once she reaches the wall of brochures, she swiftly grabs several written for the partners of survivors, hoping she hasn't drawn any attention to herself. As she makes her way back to her desk she finds herself studying her partner at his desk. Once the shock of Casey struggling in her arms had worn off, after the agonizing moments in which she recoiled, her hands letting go of Casey like she'd just been burned by her skin, Olivia had known that it was a conversation she needed to have with Elliot. It was impossible to deny the panic that had run through her veins, her guilt cemented when she was unable to comfort Casey. Olivia knew that until she'd asked Casey's permission, she had no right to tell Elliot that Casey had been raped, more or less the other issues that arose from it. She dreads even bringing up the topic of telling someone else, but she knows she desperately needs to talk to someone about last night, and that person can't be Casey.
A few hours later Olivia has finally finished all of the day's paperwork, and she can at last go home to Casey. On her way home she picks up takeaway from Casey's favourite Italian restaurant and swings by the video store.
--------------
Casey gives Olivia a small smile when she sees the food and a bigger one once she sees the movie choices.
"Separate But Equal, To Kill a Mockingbird and Witness for the Prosecution? Olivia Benson, you'd think you were a detective or something. I practically wore my library's VHS versions of these out in my teens," Casey tells Olivia with a grin.
"Casey Novak, if I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times: nothing you ever say about your high school self surprises me, and yet it continues to make you seem more adorable," Olivia says with a laugh.
Casey simply nods knowingly.
As Olivia grabs the plates and pours their drinks, Casey puts Separate But Equal into the DVD player. Olivia finishes bringing everything into the living room, Casey presses play and takes her seat next to Olivia. Not long after they've both finished eating Casey leans her head against Olivia's shoulder, and Olivia hesitantly takes her hand.
"Casey, would you be okay with me talking to Elliot about my own emotions and issues with your rape? I totally understand if you don't want him to know, but I do think I need to talk to someone. I could see a counselor if you'd rather keep your privacy," Olivia asks during a slower part of the film.
Casey is silent for a moment, and Olivia is terrified that she's upset her.
"I'm okay with you telling Elliot, as long as he understands I'm not ready for other people at work to know yet," Casey finally responds.
"I'll make sure he respects that," Olivia says, squeezing Casey's hand.
Both of them are silent for a while.
"Casey? I also picked up some brochures today at work, the ones for the partners of survivors. I'm very familiar with a lot of it from work, but I've never been on this side of it, you know?" Olivia says softly.
"Me either," Casey replies with a mirthless chuckle.
"I mean, I know some things from growing up with my mother, but I'd really like to get my facts straight and try to understand better how to deal with it," Olivia continues.
"I think that's a good idea, really," Casey replies more gently. "I know you're trying really hard, and I do appreciate it."
Olivia moves her arm to draw Casey closer and Casey wraps her arm around Olivia's waist, curling into her. They stay like this until the credits roll and Olivia realizes Casey has fallen asleep. Olivia carefully leans up to grab the blanket from the sofa's arm, covers both their bodies with the blanket and leans back down to sleep with Casey curled against her.
Chapter 5
---------------The teenager with sharp blue eyes and brown hair in wisps that frame her face lingers in precinct hallway, watching the detective intently. Biting her lip she finally enters the precinct and approaches her.
"Are you a police officer?" she asks, trying to keep her voice strong and clear.
Olivia looks up, studying the teen.
"I am, would you like to see my badge?" Olivia asks with a smile.
"You, um, you investigate things like rape, right?" the teen continues, not responding to Olivia's offer.
"I do," Olivia replies, her face growing serious. "Do you have something you'd like to report?"
"And you handle a fair amount of date rapes?" the teen interrupts, her questioning growing more insistent.
"We do. In fact, the majority of rapes are committed by someone the victim knows," Olivia responds, sensing that she should keep her tone conversational to help the teen explain the situation.
The girl looks directly at Olivia for a second, her blue eyes revealing that this surprises her. She then looks down, biting her lip again.
"What about women? Do you prosecute many women who rape?" She asks, keeping her eyes fixed on the ground.
"Well, less rapes by women are reported, but yes, we have prosecuted female rapists," Olivia replies.
"Ones that raped women?" The teen can't help her voice from dropping in volume.
Olivia pauses.
"No, we haven't prosecuted any female-on-female acquaintance rapes yet," Olivia replies after a moment.
The teen's next words come out in a rush, as desperate to remain unheard as they are to be heard.
"If a girl, if she was date- date-raped by another woman, she should just go home and forget about it, right?" Her tone indicates that she almost wishes the answer were yes.
"No," Olivia says firmly, catching the blue eyes that snap up to look at hers.
"She shouldn't just forget about it," Olivia adds more gently. "She should talk about, and see if someone could help her."
Olivia gives the teen a look of understanding, silently acknowledging that she knows exactly who "the girl" is.
"How about we go somewhere private to talk? There's an interview room this way," Olivia says with a soft smile, leading the teen down the hall.
---------------
The teen keeps her eyes fixed on the worn surface of the table, her body tense against her chair. Olivia returns a few minutes later with a notepad and a tape recorder, sitting down across from the teen.
"My name is Detective Olivia Benson. Can you tell me your name?" Olivia asks with a soft smile.
"Emily. Emily Williams," she says softly.
"Okay, Emily, I'm going to need to ask you some questions, and they're going to be recorded. Now, you can either have me ask you the questions by myself, you can have my partner Elliot ask you questions by himself, or can have both of us present. It just depends which makes you feel most comfortable," Olivia tells her.
Emily hesitates, then replies quietly, "Um, just you?".
"Sure," Olivia replies giving her a smile. "Now, Emily, I'm going to turn on the tape recorder. I want you to just try to relax and talk to me, okay?"
"Alright," Emily replies, looking up to show Olivia her bravest face.
"Can you please state your full name?"
"Emily Anne Williams."
"Please state your age and birth date."
"I'm 18. I was born on December 5th, 1992."
"Emily, can you please tell me what happened?"
"I think, um, I think I was date raped. By a woman, " Emily says, her voice breaking despite her efforts to remain calm.
"Emily?" Olivia asks, giving the teen a chance to focus on just looking at her.
"Emily, when did this happen?" Olivia asks gently.
"Yesterday," Emily says softly.
"Have you showered yet?" Olivia asks.
The teen only shakes her head, biting her lip.
"Have you changed your clothing?"
Emily nods. "I- I hid them in a bag in my closet."
"Okay, Emily, we're going to put this interview on hold, because I need you to go to the hospital to get checked out."
Emily's hand grips the chair so hard that her knuckles turn white.
"I'll be there the whole time, okay?" Olivia says gently. "Do you want to hold my hand?"
Emily hesitantly lets go of the chair and takes Olivia's hand.
Chapter 6
-----------------
For the next hour, Emily only focuses on holding Olivia's hand. She allows herself to worry about if she's holding on too tight, or if her palm is too sweaty. What she doesn't allow herself to think about is the cold air hitting her legs, or whose hands are touching her thighs. She grips Olivia's hand, and then loosens her fingers, afraid she'll upset Olivia.
"You're doing great sweetheart," Olivia says softly, squeezing her hand. Emily shuts her eyes again.
-------------
Emily finds herself once again in the chair, her fingers gripping the metal, her eyes studying the movement of the tape.
"What happened yesterday?" Olivia asks, placing a cup of water in front of Emily.
Emily takes a long drink, grateful for an excuse for her silence.
"I was so stupid," she admits, the words choked out before she finishes swallowing.
"Why don't you just start at the beginning?" Olivia prods gently.
Emily closes her eyes for a moment, trying to find a peace, a stillness, within her so that she can think clearly.
"There's this girl. I've sort of seen her around a couple times, but you know, we weren't really friends. I kinda got the impression she was interested in me, but I'd never really been that interested in her. Well, yesterday, she invited me to her dorm at NYU to watch movies. If you remember, it was snowing, and everyone just felt like being indoors. I don't know why I said yes. I was just feeling kind of lonely, you know? My dad's divorced, and sometimes he stays over night at his girlfriend's, so I just didn't really want to be alone last night. I didn't- I didn't mean to make her think- I swear to God I just wanted to be friends-" Emily explains, her panicked voice interrupted by slight gasps as she fails to breathe normally.
"Emily, can you try to take a deep breath for me?" Olivia interrupts.
Emily nods, trying to follow Olivia's directions.
"That's great. How about another deep breath?" Olivia encourages.
Emily's breathing gradually returns to normal.
"Okay Emily, so you decided to go to her dorm to watch movies?" Olivia asks once she thinks Emily seems to be sufficiently calmed down.
Emily nods.
"Were you alone?" Olivia asks.
"We saw a lot of people on the way up, I talked to her roommates for a few minutes before they left for a party."
"So after that, it was just you and her in the dorm room?"
Emily nods, biting her lip.
"So what happened after her roommates left?"
"She locked the door. She said that we didn't want someone to interrupt the movie. It made me very nervous, but I didn't know what to say," Emily says, her face red with shame.
"She scared you?" Olivia asks gently.
"Yes," Emily says quietly.
"Why?" Olivia prods.
"I um, get scared in situations where I can't get away easily. I don't like being alone with people I don't know, and I don't like doors being locked. I um, I had some problems with a boy one time. We were playing hide and seek when he locked me in the closet with him, and put his hands-," Emily trails off, blushing furiously.
Olivia waits for a moment to see if she can finish without Olivia asking her to.
"He put his hands under my dress. Under my underwear," Emily says in a small, tight voice. "I told her, the girl from yesterday, about what happened with the boy. She told me about a boy in elementary school who did something similar to her. I thought I could trust her. I didn't think someone who'd been hurt like me would-"
"-Emily," Olivia interrupts, sensing Emily might hyperventilate again. "Emily, you had every reason to think you could trust her. I need to look at me, and try to keep taking deep breaths."
Emily does as Olivia says, her blue eyes darting around the room before focusing on Olivia.
"So she locked the door, what happened after that?" Olivia says gently.
"She put on the movie. It wasn't very good, so we just talked and laughed, you know? The conversation turned kind of serious, and that's when I told her about that boy," Emily says softly.
"What happened after that?" Olivia prompts.
"After she told me about her experience, things got awkwardly quiet. We went back to watching the movie for a bit. I was busy hating the main character when she- she kissed me. I was surprised. For a second I was frozen, and then I gently pushed her off me. I said something like, 'Thanks, but no"", Emily says, looking at Olivia to see how she'll respond.
Olivia stays silent, and Emily sees kindness in her eyes.
"Then she kissed me again, harder. She grabbed my hands when I tried to push her off. One of her hands tried to pin my hands behind me while the other one- it- she put her hand under my dress. Under my panties. I turned my head roughly to the side, freeing my mouth from hers. I said no, I didn't want to. I told her I was a virgin. That I wanted to stay a virgin. I pleaded with her to not- touch me," Emily tells Olivia, trembling slightly.
Olivia reaches her hand across the table, leaving it up to Emily if she wants to take it. Emily hesitantly does, holding tightly as she makes herself get out the next words.
"She just- she wasn't listening. She just kept saying how much she wanted me. How-" Emily's eyes flutter as she blushes. Olivia squeezes her hand.
"-Wet," Emily says very quietly, "I made her."
Emily takes a deep breath.
"She pulled down my panties. I was really scared. I wasn't really screaming, just whimpering, but when her hand went to cover my mouth I bit her. She- she slapped me across the face. She said if I kept struggling that she'd hurt me worse than I could imagine. I didn't- I didn't know what to do. I just wanted to die. Right there, so she couldn't do anything to me, so I wouldn't be there anymore. So whatever she did to me wouldn't be because I failed," Emily says, her eyes squeezed shut, her hand limp in Olivia's.
Olivia lets go of her hand, and in that moment Emily is convinced that it really is all her fault. Every other voice in her head screaming that she didn't want it goes silent. Then Emily feels Olivia's hand gently touching her arm.
"Emily, you didn't do anything wrong, I promise you. You didn't fail at all. You told her no, that was all you needed to do," Olivia says softly as Emily opens her eyes to look at her.
Emily nods, her eyes doubtful yet also hopeful.
Olivia pulls her chair next to Emily's.
"I know this is really hard, but I need you to tell me what happened next," Olivia tells her.
"She put her fingers-" Emily sighs, and takes another deep breath, "- Inside me. She wasn't gentle. It hurt. After she'd- pushed her fingers inside of me for a while, she stopped. I thought it was over. Then she moved her head- down there. Again I pleaded with her not to. I was scared of STDs and I just, I wanted her to stop touching me. She grabbed my arm and twisted- not so much that it would break, but enough that I couldn't move without pain. She finally let go, and then I let her-" Emily breaks off as tears start to run down her face, her whole body shaking.
"Okay, Emily, I think you told us enough for today," Olivia says firmly. "Emily? Are you ok?" Olivia asks when the teen doesn't stop shaking.
Emily isn't fully aware of what she's doing as she launches herself into Olivia's arms, and she's immediately embarrassed once she realizes what she's done. After clinging to Olivia for a moment, Emily stiffens, and pulls back. Olivia rubs her back gently, with a mantra of comforting whispers.