New and Improved
I made my own home made harness. It's like http://store.yahoo.com/bebrief/bunng.html but instead I used these two rainbow shoes laces and I tied it around my waist and since i'm skinny it works. I don't have money nor time to go to the store and buy a jock strap so this will have to do. I was looking in the mirror and I saw it connected to me and I really liked how I looked. But then I was wondering. How much is it to have surgery and will it actually work like everything? I don't want to rush into things but I would really like to start searching for more information on surgery and becoming a male. I already know somethings. But not nearly as much as I need to know. I bind and wear guy clothes and pass as a boy, pack as a boy. I don't look like a man cause I don't have hair no matter how many times I shave :-( I wish I'd show a little hair but it's not going through. Oh well I have a little on my mustache area. ;-) to the sides. Well I'm going to go chill for a little. I'm mad bored.
I saw my girl for the first time in 2 weeks. We went in the bathroom [yes i know it's dumb but it's the only place without her sister or anyone seeing] and well we made out and then it was time for her to go. Something bothered me today though...after math she shoved me this piece of paper and it was full of Sandy and Trey. That's not what bothered me. What bothered me was that on the way out she threw it away. It's like damn thanks. It hurt and I was like "You're throwing it away" and she goes "well yeah" that just made it seem like "us" is not longer important to her. I really like this girl alot and I know that I only have a few more months until it has to end. :'( I want to make the best out of it. She's sooo different though. It's like I don't know if I did something or if it's just I'm scared. Scared of getting hurt. But today she walked in with Wayne the guy I work with and she was all flirty with him and shit and it was just like okay. Sometimes she even ignores me like I'm not there, like when Mona is around. Mona is this bi girl in my shop and they are in the same math class cause i'm in two higher classes than them. Mona is in my grade and she has a boyfriend and all but when those two are together it's like it's no longer me and sandy. They're always touching eachother and shit and they talk about [all nighters and doing shit with eachother] they quote as jokes but i'm not sure anymore. I'm not sure because last time I asked her "Do you like mona?" she goes "no she's just a friend" but then I see with my own eyes. And shit runs through my head. I get sooo heated I just want to walk away and never look back. It burns in my heart when I see them together. I'm done before I burn a hole in my heart...all I want is a girl like you and now that I have you I don't want you to leave...
- Trey