(no subject)
Title: none
Warnings: adult situations... bad language. Very depressing thought patterns
Pairing: Sanzo/Goku eventually...maybe?
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Saiyuki and all it's characters belong to Minekura Sensei.
Beta reader: None. If anyone would like to offer...
Summary: Goku really starts thinking about sex and has too many questions. Sanzo freaks out. Some deep and troubling thoughts. Very dysfunctional thoughts about the concept of sex.
This story takes some liberties on a few things that are slightly hinted at in the comics. This is my first Sanzo-centered fic and my first Sanzo/Goku story. Hopefully not too horrible.
It was bullshit. This whole idea that sex is a need. Maybe for someone like the damn perverted kappa, but not for me. For him sex is like air, for me it’s like drowning. Like dying. I do not need nor want sex.
I never had the proper ‘sex talk’. I find the idea ridiculous. Who would want to tell a child about such a horrendous thing. It’s vile and base and almost always leaves one person hurt. Sex is a predatory act. One person hunts and the other is hunted. It’s about domination. It’s about control and owning someone. I want nothing to do with it. I have no desire to own someone or to be owned by anyone. Sex is the dirty thing that people talk about to ruin reputations and create weakness.
I want nothing to do with sex.
Which is why I had no idea what to say when Goku came up to ask me. He wanted ‘the talk’. From me. Genjo Sanzo who grew up in a monastery where the monks were supposed to practice celibacy. Supposed to. Who’s only real experience with sex was when some damn bandit thought he wanted to rape me and I shot him in the head. Or the guys that hit on me saying I’m as pretty as a woman. Or...
He asked me.
I froze, tensing up and I could tell he could see the tension. “Ask someone else.”
“Like who? Hakkai will make it a biology lesson and Gojyo will talk about all the women he... whatever and go on in detail that I never wanna know and I don’t wanna do that.”
“Either one is better than me.”
“Sanzo,” he whined. He freaking whined.
“I’m not fucking saying it to be mean. You’ll be better off, just ask someone else.”
Goku pouted. “But I don’t wanna talk to them.”
“Then just forget about it. I have nothing to teach you.”
“He’s got nothing to teach you cause he’s never done it, monkey. That’s what he’s trying to tell you.”
Fuck, when did Gojyo come in?
“Do you have a death wish?”
“Are you trying to say I’m wrong?” That goddamn cocky grin. I fucking hate that cocky grin. I want to shoot it right off his face.
“Just because I don’t follow every thing that moves doesn’t mean I haven’t had sex before.” hiss. That would be the best descriptor for how I said that. I didn’t know why I was giving in to his bait.
“The great and pure Genjo Sanzo has had sex?” Going to fucking rip the grin from his face.
I leaned closer to him, so Goku wouldn’t hear what I was hissing at him, “As a matter of fact I have.”
Gojyo continued the damn grin but it became incredulous. “Heh, right. And when was the last time his royal stick in the ass got laid.”
I didn’t know why I was doing it, but I leaned even closer and spoke even quieter. “Let’s see, I wasn’t even 12 at the time.”
I turned away when his face went pale and walked out of the room. At least I kicked that grin off his face.
I guess none of us are great people to really look to for information on sex. Gojyo may have sex with any tart that catches his eye, but he still thinks of sex as a way to pacify women. A way to keep them happy, if only for a little while. That’s what his brother taught him by sleeping with his mother to protect Gojyo. Hakkai. Hakkai had a nice stable relationship... with his sister. Until she killed herself because she was raped, of course. And me? Statutory rape from a guy I really... well I didn’t look up to anyone but Koumyou, but it was the next closest thing. The guy I half way respected. Besides the many attempts at rape. I’ve never even experienced anything sexual from a woman who wasn’t my aunt in a past life, for god’s sake. And even that was just a kiss. And then there’s Goku. A 500 year old child who didn’t even have the concept of sex until just recently. And he’s probably the most stable of us all. He’s flirted with girls and gotten positive reactions for most of it. I feel sorry for the kid that he couldn’t have a better role model.
It was a little later that week that Goku approached me again, different place, same hotel. He looked a lot more shy than he had before, but he tugged on my sleeve a little bit.
“Sanzo?”
I looked down at him. He looked so...almost scared.
“Uh. Gojyo talked to me about that stuff. He. He told me I shouldn’t talk to you about it anymore, but I don’t know.” He turned away. When did he ever act this hesitant around me? Last time I could remember was when he lost his diadem and was guilty about hurting us.
I was more than a little surprised to hear that Gojyo had actually talked to him and even more so that he’d been considerate enough to tell Goku not to talk to me about it. “Did he leave something out?” It was unlikely, but maybe he’d actually talk to me.
“No! No. He covered pretty much everything. I didn’t think there’d be so much to it. I just.” He reached up and grabbed my arm. I tensed. You don’t go from talking about sex to touching me. Ever. Everever. Especially if you’re the monkey. “He explained the how. I just. I still don’t get the why. I mean, Gojyo sleeps with girls almost the way he smokes. Like he needs to do it or he’ll get cranky. But I talked to Hakkai about it and he said something about he never could do anything unless it was someone he really cared about. And you? I haven’t seen you show any interest at all.”
I pulled my arm away. “Don’t ask me. I don’t get why that pervert would want to have sex all the time. And who fucking knows what goes on in Hakkai’s head.”
“But what about you? You told Gojyo...”
“I lied to shut his mouth up, all right? There’s no why for me. Now shut up and leave me alone.”
Goku backed up a bit. He was curling in on himself again. “Oh. Okay. Um, never mind I guess.”
I looked down on him. I still didn’t get why he was so upset. “Why are you asking me anyway? You talked to Gojyo and Hakkai about it. Why do you need to get my opinion?” I probably could have said it a little nicer, but I didn’t want him to get the idea I wanted to talk about this.
“Well... you’re. You’re Sanzo.” He said it like it explained everything and I rolled my eyes. “You’re important to me. I don’t want to disappoint you, or anything so I wanna know what you think so I don’t do anything wrong.”
I glared at him. If it wasn’t the stupidest thing I’d heard all day... I sighed, “I don’t care about your sex life, Goku. I really don’t. You’re not going to disappoint me even if you go out and act like Gojyo does.”
Goku made a face. “Who’d wanna be a pervert like him?”
“As long as it doesn’t get in the way of the mission, I don’t care.”
Goku rushed forward and hugged me, running his head into my chest. I tensed. I hated it. I hated being touched, and I hated that I hated it. It’s Goku. I relaxed a bit and put my hand on his head.
“Just don’t let anyone talk you into it, okay. Only do it if you want to do it.” Don’t let them hurt you.
He nodded into my chest, “I promise.”
I let him hold me for a little longer, just resting my hand on his head. I closed my eyes. I can’t remember ever feeling so safe or calm.
There was a knock on the door and Hakkai called for dinner. Goku ran to the door and as he let go I felt cold and alone. Hakkai looked in after Goku was out of sight.
“Are you coming?” There was something in his eyes. That look that said he knew. Whatever it was that was bothering you, or you were trying to hide, or that you didn’t know yourself. He knew.
“Yeah,” I grunted, turning away to collect myself and my credit card before heading to the door. Hakkai stopped me before I left the room.
“He’s a strong kid. And we all look after him. More than anyone we understand why he needs to be looked after. He’ll be okay.”
“So you’re saying he’s lucky to have three men with the most dysfunctional view of sex and love to watch out for him.”
Hakkai smiled, “In a way, yes.”
“Hmph.” I walked off. I didn’t really know what to say to that. In a way it was true. We’d never let anyone hurt him if we had any say. But what if our dysfunctional view made him never even try in the first place. What if he started thinking of it like I did. As something bad and... frightening. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
Warnings: adult situations... bad language. Very depressing thought patterns
Pairing: Sanzo/Goku eventually...maybe?
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Saiyuki and all it's characters belong to Minekura Sensei.
Beta reader: None. If anyone would like to offer...
Summary: Goku really starts thinking about sex and has too many questions. Sanzo freaks out. Some deep and troubling thoughts. Very dysfunctional thoughts about the concept of sex.
This story takes some liberties on a few things that are slightly hinted at in the comics. This is my first Sanzo-centered fic and my first Sanzo/Goku story. Hopefully not too horrible.
It was bullshit. This whole idea that sex is a need. Maybe for someone like the damn perverted kappa, but not for me. For him sex is like air, for me it’s like drowning. Like dying. I do not need nor want sex.
I never had the proper ‘sex talk’. I find the idea ridiculous. Who would want to tell a child about such a horrendous thing. It’s vile and base and almost always leaves one person hurt. Sex is a predatory act. One person hunts and the other is hunted. It’s about domination. It’s about control and owning someone. I want nothing to do with it. I have no desire to own someone or to be owned by anyone. Sex is the dirty thing that people talk about to ruin reputations and create weakness.
I want nothing to do with sex.
Which is why I had no idea what to say when Goku came up to ask me. He wanted ‘the talk’. From me. Genjo Sanzo who grew up in a monastery where the monks were supposed to practice celibacy. Supposed to. Who’s only real experience with sex was when some damn bandit thought he wanted to rape me and I shot him in the head. Or the guys that hit on me saying I’m as pretty as a woman. Or...
He asked me.
I froze, tensing up and I could tell he could see the tension. “Ask someone else.”
“Like who? Hakkai will make it a biology lesson and Gojyo will talk about all the women he... whatever and go on in detail that I never wanna know and I don’t wanna do that.”
“Either one is better than me.”
“Sanzo,” he whined. He freaking whined.
“I’m not fucking saying it to be mean. You’ll be better off, just ask someone else.”
Goku pouted. “But I don’t wanna talk to them.”
“Then just forget about it. I have nothing to teach you.”
“He’s got nothing to teach you cause he’s never done it, monkey. That’s what he’s trying to tell you.”
Fuck, when did Gojyo come in?
“Do you have a death wish?”
“Are you trying to say I’m wrong?” That goddamn cocky grin. I fucking hate that cocky grin. I want to shoot it right off his face.
“Just because I don’t follow every thing that moves doesn’t mean I haven’t had sex before.” hiss. That would be the best descriptor for how I said that. I didn’t know why I was giving in to his bait.
“The great and pure Genjo Sanzo has had sex?” Going to fucking rip the grin from his face.
I leaned closer to him, so Goku wouldn’t hear what I was hissing at him, “As a matter of fact I have.”
Gojyo continued the damn grin but it became incredulous. “Heh, right. And when was the last time his royal stick in the ass got laid.”
I didn’t know why I was doing it, but I leaned even closer and spoke even quieter. “Let’s see, I wasn’t even 12 at the time.”
I turned away when his face went pale and walked out of the room. At least I kicked that grin off his face.
I guess none of us are great people to really look to for information on sex. Gojyo may have sex with any tart that catches his eye, but he still thinks of sex as a way to pacify women. A way to keep them happy, if only for a little while. That’s what his brother taught him by sleeping with his mother to protect Gojyo. Hakkai. Hakkai had a nice stable relationship... with his sister. Until she killed herself because she was raped, of course. And me? Statutory rape from a guy I really... well I didn’t look up to anyone but Koumyou, but it was the next closest thing. The guy I half way respected. Besides the many attempts at rape. I’ve never even experienced anything sexual from a woman who wasn’t my aunt in a past life, for god’s sake. And even that was just a kiss. And then there’s Goku. A 500 year old child who didn’t even have the concept of sex until just recently. And he’s probably the most stable of us all. He’s flirted with girls and gotten positive reactions for most of it. I feel sorry for the kid that he couldn’t have a better role model.
It was a little later that week that Goku approached me again, different place, same hotel. He looked a lot more shy than he had before, but he tugged on my sleeve a little bit.
“Sanzo?”
I looked down at him. He looked so...almost scared.
“Uh. Gojyo talked to me about that stuff. He. He told me I shouldn’t talk to you about it anymore, but I don’t know.” He turned away. When did he ever act this hesitant around me? Last time I could remember was when he lost his diadem and was guilty about hurting us.
I was more than a little surprised to hear that Gojyo had actually talked to him and even more so that he’d been considerate enough to tell Goku not to talk to me about it. “Did he leave something out?” It was unlikely, but maybe he’d actually talk to me.
“No! No. He covered pretty much everything. I didn’t think there’d be so much to it. I just.” He reached up and grabbed my arm. I tensed. You don’t go from talking about sex to touching me. Ever. Everever. Especially if you’re the monkey. “He explained the how. I just. I still don’t get the why. I mean, Gojyo sleeps with girls almost the way he smokes. Like he needs to do it or he’ll get cranky. But I talked to Hakkai about it and he said something about he never could do anything unless it was someone he really cared about. And you? I haven’t seen you show any interest at all.”
I pulled my arm away. “Don’t ask me. I don’t get why that pervert would want to have sex all the time. And who fucking knows what goes on in Hakkai’s head.”
“But what about you? You told Gojyo...”
“I lied to shut his mouth up, all right? There’s no why for me. Now shut up and leave me alone.”
Goku backed up a bit. He was curling in on himself again. “Oh. Okay. Um, never mind I guess.”
I looked down on him. I still didn’t get why he was so upset. “Why are you asking me anyway? You talked to Gojyo and Hakkai about it. Why do you need to get my opinion?” I probably could have said it a little nicer, but I didn’t want him to get the idea I wanted to talk about this.
“Well... you’re. You’re Sanzo.” He said it like it explained everything and I rolled my eyes. “You’re important to me. I don’t want to disappoint you, or anything so I wanna know what you think so I don’t do anything wrong.”
I glared at him. If it wasn’t the stupidest thing I’d heard all day... I sighed, “I don’t care about your sex life, Goku. I really don’t. You’re not going to disappoint me even if you go out and act like Gojyo does.”
Goku made a face. “Who’d wanna be a pervert like him?”
“As long as it doesn’t get in the way of the mission, I don’t care.”
Goku rushed forward and hugged me, running his head into my chest. I tensed. I hated it. I hated being touched, and I hated that I hated it. It’s Goku. I relaxed a bit and put my hand on his head.
“Just don’t let anyone talk you into it, okay. Only do it if you want to do it.” Don’t let them hurt you.
He nodded into my chest, “I promise.”
I let him hold me for a little longer, just resting my hand on his head. I closed my eyes. I can’t remember ever feeling so safe or calm.
There was a knock on the door and Hakkai called for dinner. Goku ran to the door and as he let go I felt cold and alone. Hakkai looked in after Goku was out of sight.
“Are you coming?” There was something in his eyes. That look that said he knew. Whatever it was that was bothering you, or you were trying to hide, or that you didn’t know yourself. He knew.
“Yeah,” I grunted, turning away to collect myself and my credit card before heading to the door. Hakkai stopped me before I left the room.
“He’s a strong kid. And we all look after him. More than anyone we understand why he needs to be looked after. He’ll be okay.”
“So you’re saying he’s lucky to have three men with the most dysfunctional view of sex and love to watch out for him.”
Hakkai smiled, “In a way, yes.”
“Hmph.” I walked off. I didn’t really know what to say to that. In a way it was true. We’d never let anyone hurt him if we had any say. But what if our dysfunctional view made him never even try in the first place. What if he started thinking of it like I did. As something bad and... frightening. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.