dear you,
kk..
So everything was literally wonderful for the longest time. Then in the past week, things just totally went downhill, and before I could even realized it, things were totally out of control, and I didn`t know how to deal with anything. I was pms`ing, started all my overanylizing, and it happened to be about Tommy, which caused me to not be too happy. Then once people started seeing that, I told one person that I knew I shouldn`t have trused (not naming names..), and everyone started finding out about whatever was happening. Eventually everyone started to give me all of their different advice about what I should do even though I didn`t ask, and then for some reason things just got to the point where they seemed so bad, that I actually started believing I should listen to some of those people, some people who honestly were just out to start more drama and makes things worse. It all started to drive me crazy, and since I was reallyyy stressed out, I started taking out my emotions on people who didn`t deserve it. That ended up leading me to say a lot of hurtful things, mostly that I didn`t mean even mean, getting kicked out and almost moving in with my dad, and a lot of crying. To sum it up, I was totally not thinking logical at all.
However, since the week started things have been beginning to get a lot better and back to normal. There`s still some things that I`m unsure about, but there probably always will be. There`s no such thing as a perfect life, this I know. But I`m starting to realize how I should and can depend on myself to deal with the problems that come my way. And I`m also learing who I can honestly trust, just incase I do need some advice or just to vent. That makes me a lot happier, because that way things hopefully won`t ever again get as out of control as they were.
Now to the people that have been there, and know what`s going on and what I`m talking about in detail..
First I just wanna say that I need to get this out to you all, and this is probably not the best way to do it, but it`s the way I chose to do it. Sorry if I say something that hurts any of you. And if what I`m saying is something that you`d wanna hear then I`m happy for you. If you have any questions about whatever I wrote to you then you can comment and let me know, or you can bring it up to me in a better way. But now that I`ve pretty much got myself clear-headed about everything, I`m going to be honest.
Jane. You and I have gotten extremely close, which I`m really glad about because I love hanging out with you. We always have so much fun (even if we just got to Jimmy Johns for three hours). You`re always willing to be there for me, and you especially made me realize that this weekend. I want you to know that I`ll always be here for you too, but after thinking back and talking with people these past couple of days, I`ve heard and realized a lot of things that I haven`t ever brought up to you before because I think I was too blind to see them. I don`t really trust you anymore. I understand that lately you think I`m taking things out on you, and that`s the thing I haven`t gone and done to you. Honestly, you had no reason to go up to Tommy and start talking to him about why he hadn`t called me. You should`ve known that that was gonna start a problem, especially because he had just left my house a little more than an hour ago. And as for you calling him last night, you should have asked me first if I wanted to you to call him and try to resolve whatever you think needs to be resolved between him and I. Also, how you started saying all that shit to me last night about how bad he is to me and everything else. That really hurt me. You know I care about him so much, and I respect your opinion just as I would anyone`s, but you didn`t even have any reason to bring that stuff up. It`s like that was the reason you called, and you tried huring me because you were hurt about what my mom said. Now those are a few examples of things that have really bothered me just in this past weekend. And I don`t know if you honestly do that stuff trying to be helpful since that`s the reason you claim you do, but it hasn`t been. So please stop with the favors that you`re trying to do. I want you to know that I care about you so much as a friend and as a person, but this is me being honest with you, so I hope you don`t take what I`m saying the wrong way. I`m so thankful for the support your mom and you had given me about things. And if there`s anything you`d like to talk more about then you know what to do.
Britney. I seriously trust you so much. You`ve always been there for me. I mean, even when I call and wake you up at 2 am to talk about what happened you`re always willing to listen. And then once I tell you I`ll just let you go so you can go back to sleep (even though I know that you`re hoping I answer "no" so that you can go back to sleep) you always ask if I`m sure I don`t need to talk about anything else. It really means a lot to me. You`re always the first person I go to when I need to vent and I`m pretty sure you know that, lol. Our friendship means a lot to me. Unlike a lot of people, you`ve always been the one to talk common sense to me when I start going crazy and over anylizing everything. So thank you a lot a lot. I love youuu!
Lesh. I love you so much! Seriously, I think of you as a sister, and no matter what I always have. Even my mom thinks of you as her third (should be second, lol) daughter. You know I`ll always be here for you, and thanks for all the times you were there for me also. For some reason I`ve always been able to relate to you in some way with just about everything that has come up in the past year and a half. And I know that our friendship has had it`s ups and downs, but it`s always just came out stronger, and it always will.
Lex. Seriously, I don`t think you know how happy I am that our friendship has grown so close, especially in such a short time. You`re someone who I can seriously just sit around with and talk to about whatever comes up for like hoursss. I know I don`t have to watch what I say around you because I know I can trust you, and thanks so much for that. If you ever need to vent or whatever then just call me or come by. I`m so excited about the plans we`ve made and they`ve gotta go through cuz they`ll be so exciting! I love you!
Jeremy. I don`t even know where to start. You and I have had times where we hung out everyday to times where we didn`t talk for very very very many days. I knkow that you`ve got a lot of your own problems, and that you surely don`t need mine, but you`re still always there, and I literally mean always. I`m so greatful for that, seriously. There`s really not many guys that I have ever trusted enough to be able to vent to knowing that they`d be honest and that they`d be there the next time. Plus, a guy`s opinion really helps a lot at times. I know you`re up north far away from everybody, and we miss you. Just remember to keep your head up, and if you start getting those negative thoughts then you should know to call me. Love ya.
Kell. Angela. Jenna. I just really really really miss spending time with you girls. :-[ . And we go on and off as far as hanging out, but you girls have still always tried letting me know that you`ll be there if I ever need anything, so thanks a lot.
Rachel. Casey. Ohhh geez, lol. You were my two first friends, and you`re still both such good friends of mine. It`s really crazy. I mean, since kindergarden I`ve gotten into soooo many stupid fights with both of you, but our friendship has still always made it through. It`s kinda crazy when you think about how long it`s been. Rachel, you and I had a life long plan to go to college together, move in together, then find husbands who were best friends, and have kids that were best friends, then have our kids marry each other so that we`d finally be realted in some way, lol. And Casey, I remember that you were the first person I called to tell about my first kiss [Ben.. lol], and your dad heard me talking on the phone, and I don`t remember what he said but I was soo embarassed, lol. You`ve guys have always been there unconditionally. I love you both sooooo much, seriously, and I`ll always always be here for to two of you.
Tommy. There`s a lot of stuff I could say. It used to not really phase me when you told me not to pay much attention to all the drama. Lately though, I`ve realized that you were pretty much right about all you`ve said to me about it. I know that I`ve tried pushing away whatever you`ve said about things multiple times now, but thank you so much for saying those things to me because I should have listened. You did know what you were talking about. And sorry about all the pushing and drama that has gotten brought upon you. I`m glad that you can pretty much block it out the way that I didn`t know how to. Thanks for all the things you`ve said because even though I act like I don`t listen, that was always my stubborness coming into place, I had always listened. Love you much.
And to whoever I didn`t put in here, sorry I guess. It wasn`t a shout out type thing. It was just more something to let people know how thankful I am for what they`ve gone and done for me with everything that has happened this past week. And I know there are a lot of people that would have been there for me, but I honestly kind of had too much going on to talk to them (Jimmy, Ben.. etc), so thanks to you guys too.
Once again, none of this was written with sarcasm, any bitchy attitude, nothing like that. Just honestly. So sorry if you take it offensive.