nostalgia.
yes, it appears i'm updating again.
my new blog is sort of difficult to navigate.
i find that a lot of times it isn't my own voice with which i'm writing.
i have too many big ideas.
i have too much pride.
but, you know. i'm back "home." in ohio. my parents are always taking care of my aunt, so i pretty much live by myself. i'm auditioning for anyone who will see me, and i am hoping to find regional work. peter is the best thing in my life, every day, just as he was eight months ago when our official relationship began. but it's really hard. and i miss him every day.
i work on accepting my body the way it is, not striving for someone else's ideal.
i sing again.
i take about five yoga classes a week.
...in order to somehow give me some sort of balance, some sense of a bigger picture.
next year, i could be in columbus.
atlanta.
cincinnati.
boston.
in five years, i could be in new york.
london.
hell, even los angeles again.
(probably not stuttgart, though.)
i'm an actor. i trust that. i would just like for someone else to. i just need someone to give me a chance to do what i'm really good at. one audition down, and so far, three more to go. all it takes is one company to choose me. (and then another. and then another.)
my boyfriend will be here in six days.
shit, i can't even get into the complexities of long-distance relationships. THIS long-distance relationship. what a wake up call it is when i realize that this person, this key figure central to my growth and happiness as a person, is so far away. that i talk to him on the internet, sometimes on the phone or video chat, for about twenty minutes a day. that i make enormous life decisions based on this person. and that he and i aren't teenagers anymore. we don't have hours a day (well, he doesn't. at this stage, i definitely do.) to sit and muse about life and to discover our own feelings. the "honeymoon" phase has passed, (for now. though i'm sure it will return when we can be united in the same place for more than a long weekend.) and i'm learning huge lessons about myself and my goals and fidelity and what it means to be truly faithful to another human being.
because let me tell you. my track record would allow you to think i was not, perhaps, even capable of being in a committed, monogamous, faithful relationship.
and old habits die hard, but they do die. and i'm really happy and proud to say that those habits are dead.
by the way, for whatever reason, i feel so much more comfortable writing here. maybe i'm moving back to livejournal. yeah. i think i just might.
my new blog is sort of difficult to navigate.
i find that a lot of times it isn't my own voice with which i'm writing.
i have too many big ideas.
i have too much pride.
but, you know. i'm back "home." in ohio. my parents are always taking care of my aunt, so i pretty much live by myself. i'm auditioning for anyone who will see me, and i am hoping to find regional work. peter is the best thing in my life, every day, just as he was eight months ago when our official relationship began. but it's really hard. and i miss him every day.
i work on accepting my body the way it is, not striving for someone else's ideal.
i sing again.
i take about five yoga classes a week.
...in order to somehow give me some sort of balance, some sense of a bigger picture.
next year, i could be in columbus.
atlanta.
cincinnati.
boston.
in five years, i could be in new york.
london.
hell, even los angeles again.
(probably not stuttgart, though.)
i'm an actor. i trust that. i would just like for someone else to. i just need someone to give me a chance to do what i'm really good at. one audition down, and so far, three more to go. all it takes is one company to choose me. (and then another. and then another.)
my boyfriend will be here in six days.
shit, i can't even get into the complexities of long-distance relationships. THIS long-distance relationship. what a wake up call it is when i realize that this person, this key figure central to my growth and happiness as a person, is so far away. that i talk to him on the internet, sometimes on the phone or video chat, for about twenty minutes a day. that i make enormous life decisions based on this person. and that he and i aren't teenagers anymore. we don't have hours a day (well, he doesn't. at this stage, i definitely do.) to sit and muse about life and to discover our own feelings. the "honeymoon" phase has passed, (for now. though i'm sure it will return when we can be united in the same place for more than a long weekend.) and i'm learning huge lessons about myself and my goals and fidelity and what it means to be truly faithful to another human being.
because let me tell you. my track record would allow you to think i was not, perhaps, even capable of being in a committed, monogamous, faithful relationship.
and old habits die hard, but they do die. and i'm really happy and proud to say that those habits are dead.
by the way, for whatever reason, i feel so much more comfortable writing here. maybe i'm moving back to livejournal. yeah. i think i just might.