maybe it's not the season.

[babydoe]

so.

i was cast as yerma.
...in a play called yerma, thus making me the lead.
stage time and lines-wise, it's probably the biggest role of the season.
it is a killer.
i want to be happy for myself.
...however, it appears as though i'm too busy feeling sorry for myself.
(boo hoo, boo hoo, nobody loves me.)

it feels like a divorce or something.
suddenly i have to explain all the time that we aren't together anymore.
...or i have to let the strange jokes feel awkward.
let the jealousy eat me the fuck alive.
...because he isn't hurting anymore.
even if he will feel it in five years, he's buried it for now.
that's there it will stay.
underground.
until the moon comes out.

everywhere i look, i see people settling.
now, i'm not so disillusioned as to think that everything works like a fucking fairy tale.
...but come on, what are we all doing?
(and you know i'm talking to you, too.)

i know.
i'm a mess.
i love you too much.

so much homework this weekend.
soon, though, fulbright will be turned in.
my interview is at the end of september.
...then, i will be at least slightly freer.
(even though i'll already be in rehearsal.)
this is going to be an incredible semester.
...and an incredibly difficult semester.

o, how methinks this old moon wanes.