(no subject)

[babydls2]

i hate these days. the days after a really fun night where you just feel so empty. ugh last night for a second i had it all. ken came over i was totally over mike and ken is really into me which i am to him but he had to go back to his friends place so he couldn't stay long but he drove a long way to my house and i asked him why would do that knowing he was drinking and he looked at me and said cause i did it for you. and (even though its a dumb thing to drink and drive) i never felt so pleased. we have the same style the same thoughts the same likes. the only problem is he has no phone. i don't know how to get a hold of him. he only talks to me when he comes down to the store for hours. he knows where i live from my birthday party so he just showed up at my house. i never thought he would come but then before i knew it we were holding hands and he was walking me to the store. and as he was leaving he gave me a really cute kiss on the lips and just held me. frustrating to go back to the party without him but when i got back i enjoyed myself. i was so happy to see who turned out. angie came which almost made me cry cause i never thought she would be here in a million years. i was most excited about that. then jose and rockstar and all them fuckers that i haven't seen in a long time. very nice. and then mike...... even though ken is on my mind mike swept me away once again. i don't know... mikes moving up here in a few months and i don't think this is going to be easy on me. everytime we're together its like hey we can hook up and be like old times because its not perminant. i'm fine with that but then once he moves up here there can be no hook ups. cause hes not going to go back 7 hours away hes going to go drive down a few blocks. thats why i was hoping ken would stay although he was drunk he still would have made it easier to not give into feelings of mike. but then theres mike lol. who when i'm with i forget all the frustrations and anger i have towards him and i just want him to hold me a moment longer. haha my roommates got to hear our action this morning. but hey i had to make it quick i had to work in 10 min. i spent most of my night with mike making me kinda regret not spending time with all the people at my house but then mike was only going to be here that night. theres something familiar with him though that i like. like waking up in his arms and him kissing my forehead. stuff like that makes me melt. but past that its just mike. the guy who ignored me for months then all of sudden i was good enough to talk to again then maybe hook up with then fuck another girl while i was there. well i wasn't in the room but he came up here and hooked up with her at the same party i was at. i let him do all of this and play around with me, drop me and pick me up whenever he pleases. whats wrong with me??

well somethings going to change. it has to right? he'll be here in january...... then its back to heart ache i'm sure. well not if i get what i really want. and thats ken.

oh and as keith says..... 2 MORE WEEKS TILL NIN AND QUEENS OF THE STONEAGE!