hmm..
i have some time to kill before i absolutely have to dry my hair and fix it for school so i'm gonna have a serious update entry.
me and jonathan have been havin problems for about the past week and we couldnt figure out what it was, besides that we both have alot of shit going on. him getting kicked out, he has to go to court soon for his ticket, his grandparents are all sick, now hes back with his mom but having to decide if hes gonna leave her and break her heart, or go and stay with her and break his dads. then my mom has been sick since me and j got together, and no one can figure out whats wrong with her, and she just gets worse..some doctors have said she might not make it. then with my brother, i dunno. but anyways he called me when he got off work and not 15 minutes went by and he was crying so hard..jonathan doesnt cry. he told me how he loved me so much and he didnt wanna have to be without me but he just really wanted to be alone lately cuz of everything but he knows me, and he knows if he left me now i wouldnt go back b/c id wonder if the next time things got just a little hard if hed leave again, and he doesnt wanna risk losin me forever, and i was like you're right baby i wouldn't go back. and he just started cryin even harder and he was like i dont know what to do anymore and he was like i cant settle all this shit in my life and give you all my attention and everything you need at the same time, and i was like baby i dont have to have all your attention im not the center of your world, and he goes yes you are..you are my world.
i told him i was just his girlfriend, and he said i know youre the center of my world, and i was like no honey im a girl and im your friend, girlfriend, i am there when you need me but i can accept it when you need your space and he was like well all im askin for is 5 days. i was like what? and he was like we need to just take a break, i can get shit settled with my parents, you can be with your mom, and we will end up hopefully appreciating each other alot more and getting back what we lost. and i was like okay..just dont do anything stupid. and he was like baby we are still going to be together i promise if i wont fuck around on you and if i do you can cut it all off. dick and all. and i was like okay..and he was like the only reason its 5 days is cuz its enough time for me to think, and if im not with you on valentines day ill go fuckin crazy. and then we talked for a little while and i was like well i need to go to bed baby and he was like im havin second thoughts about this, i cant completely distant myself from you, i need you in my life somehow. and i was like look, how about you just call me when you need to talk on your own time, i wont call you, that way youll have your space and i wont be pushin my self on you. well we talked about it and agreed to it, and it got quiet and he goes okay baby go to bed now *it was like 4 in the morning* and i was like i am and he was like lay your head down and i was like i did and he was like close your eyes and i was like they are and he goes k go to sleep...then he started singin *go to sleeep...go to sleeep...go to sleeep my lil gummy bear* and i laughed and he was like i love you so much, and now that i know what it feels like to like almost not have you for real, i hope i never have to feel that way again, it sucked. i wanna be with you baby and i dont wanna ever have to not have you in my life. and i was like i love you too and he was like i love you more then you love me and i was like what? and he goes nothing i got away with it im not sayin it again and i was like no you dont i love you more. and he laughed and goes damnit you heard me, and i laughed and he goes i love you baby and i was like i love you too and he was like good night muah and i was like night muah and he goes i love you and i said i love you too and he goes byee and i hung up.
so i guess everything is gonna be okay with me and him, i hope it is.
on to other things..i miss tara. i dunno how else to say it, i miss her. we really are driftin apart, it sucks :-(
me and lauren have been the only girls hangin out with the crew lately, and it kinda made us get a little closer..it's cool.
well i dryed my hair and did this all at the same time and now i gotta get dressed and straighten it. i'll post again later. byee <3
me and jonathan have been havin problems for about the past week and we couldnt figure out what it was, besides that we both have alot of shit going on. him getting kicked out, he has to go to court soon for his ticket, his grandparents are all sick, now hes back with his mom but having to decide if hes gonna leave her and break her heart, or go and stay with her and break his dads. then my mom has been sick since me and j got together, and no one can figure out whats wrong with her, and she just gets worse..some doctors have said she might not make it. then with my brother, i dunno. but anyways he called me when he got off work and not 15 minutes went by and he was crying so hard..jonathan doesnt cry. he told me how he loved me so much and he didnt wanna have to be without me but he just really wanted to be alone lately cuz of everything but he knows me, and he knows if he left me now i wouldnt go back b/c id wonder if the next time things got just a little hard if hed leave again, and he doesnt wanna risk losin me forever, and i was like you're right baby i wouldn't go back. and he just started cryin even harder and he was like i dont know what to do anymore and he was like i cant settle all this shit in my life and give you all my attention and everything you need at the same time, and i was like baby i dont have to have all your attention im not the center of your world, and he goes yes you are..you are my world.
i told him i was just his girlfriend, and he said i know youre the center of my world, and i was like no honey im a girl and im your friend, girlfriend, i am there when you need me but i can accept it when you need your space and he was like well all im askin for is 5 days. i was like what? and he was like we need to just take a break, i can get shit settled with my parents, you can be with your mom, and we will end up hopefully appreciating each other alot more and getting back what we lost. and i was like okay..just dont do anything stupid. and he was like baby we are still going to be together i promise if i wont fuck around on you and if i do you can cut it all off. dick and all. and i was like okay..and he was like the only reason its 5 days is cuz its enough time for me to think, and if im not with you on valentines day ill go fuckin crazy. and then we talked for a little while and i was like well i need to go to bed baby and he was like im havin second thoughts about this, i cant completely distant myself from you, i need you in my life somehow. and i was like look, how about you just call me when you need to talk on your own time, i wont call you, that way youll have your space and i wont be pushin my self on you. well we talked about it and agreed to it, and it got quiet and he goes okay baby go to bed now *it was like 4 in the morning* and i was like i am and he was like lay your head down and i was like i did and he was like close your eyes and i was like they are and he goes k go to sleep...then he started singin *go to sleeep...go to sleeep...go to sleeep my lil gummy bear* and i laughed and he was like i love you so much, and now that i know what it feels like to like almost not have you for real, i hope i never have to feel that way again, it sucked. i wanna be with you baby and i dont wanna ever have to not have you in my life. and i was like i love you too and he was like i love you more then you love me and i was like what? and he goes nothing i got away with it im not sayin it again and i was like no you dont i love you more. and he laughed and goes damnit you heard me, and i laughed and he goes i love you baby and i was like i love you too and he was like good night muah and i was like night muah and he goes i love you and i said i love you too and he goes byee and i hung up.
so i guess everything is gonna be okay with me and him, i hope it is.
on to other things..i miss tara. i dunno how else to say it, i miss her. we really are driftin apart, it sucks :-(
me and lauren have been the only girls hangin out with the crew lately, and it kinda made us get a little closer..it's cool.
well i dryed my hair and did this all at the same time and now i gotta get dressed and straighten it. i'll post again later. byee <3