Sometimes you just wonder.
A lot of people ask me if I regret getting married so early in life. No. I don't. I really love my husband and I wouldn't trade him for the world. Then whats missing? The question I have been asking myself. I have everything that I have wanted in my life right here in my home. A family, a loving husband, my son... But I still wake up in the morning and I'm usually, sad. I don't want to be sad anymore. I think sometimes it is because I don't have any friends anymore. Or maybe its because no one ever invites me out to do things, or asks if they can come over or anything. My entire life is driving my husband to work, taking care of my son, driving to get my husband, going home, and sitting on the computer and hoping someone will talk to me. You see, my husband is from a whole different country. An Entirely different culture. One that is unlike my own, and I took pride in that. But it also makes me wonder if there is something about him that I don't know. Something he is afraid to tell me. Something so messed up that I would send him back to him country and he would loose everything, including his newborn son. Example. He always tells me who everyone he talks to online is. "Oh thats one of my cousins, or thats my friend, my brother , aunt,." ect. But there is this one girl, named Beatriz, that he ignores whenever I ask about. She is always writing him messages online, and he only talks to her when I'm not around. When I am he closes everything and does something else. Why is this one girl being hidden from me? Its this one stupid thing thats bothering me. Can I trust him? I love him. He is my husband. He is everything to me. But even he says that he can't trust any person 100%. Maybe I don't trust him 100%. I mean, I have every reason to. I have never had a reason to trust ANY man. Why would I trust my husband? Shit, that sounds aweful. I miss him every time I am away from him. I hate leaving his side, and when I see him, I just smile. I know I love him, and that I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but sometimes I just wonder, does he really feel the same way? Or am I just the best thing until he can go back to Beatriz? Or, whatever girlfriend he left behind there 4 years ago. I guess I just have this aweful fear that he is going to turn around someday, take my son to a whole new country, that I know nothing about, and take my son with him. I have nightmares... I hope this is just a fear, or a reminder to always have a plan B, but I want to know that I can trust my husband 100%, With everything. I want to go to his country and be with him there, and everywhere. *Sigh* Could this be why I am so sad? Because I don't have answers? How could I possibly get them though? Just ask him I guess, but then he will know I don't trust him and what if I break his heart? Or worse, tell me I'm right??????