my reward?
I wrote 10 pages for my STD assignment. I did 8 pages of protocols for STDs. And I got started on a paper about preventing STDs. I've had enough crotch-talk for a while.
I made chili in the slow cooker, dug out all the boxes of winter coats, sheets, and mitts. I packed up boxes of summer clothes, clothes that don't fit the girls anymore, and some stuff to go to the charity bin. I even made our bed with flannel sheets so Jack would stop complaining about my cold, crisp percale sheets.
My reward for such a productive day? A night of disturbed sleep and some horrible nightmares.
Julia came in our room at least four times last night and every time she went back to her room she left our door open with the light from the bathroom pouring in. Jack insisted on sleeping on his back, snoring, so I finally gave up at around 3 am and slept in the recliner in the living room.
With all of my reading about STDs and thinking about a friend's marital issues, my subconscious took a wild ride. I dreamt that I found a *pile* of money in Jack's wallet including a thick wad of $5 bills, despite the fact that I thought we were so broke we couldn't buy milk. I asked him about the money and he said he was tired of lying to me, then told me the $5 bills for when he went to the strippers. What? Jack? Never. The dream continued and by the end of it, he'd admitted to 13 affairs, that sex with me was intolerable, that he didn't care about our kids, that he wouldn't give me any money but he wanted me out, that his whole family knew what he was doing and no one told me, and that he had given me at least one STD. I ended up living with my mom in a small apartment, on welfare, and pregnant with another baby. Jack's baby.
So.totally.horrible.
I went back to bed and snuggled with Jack for a while, telling him about the dream. He assured me it was all just a bad dream and he would never do all that, but it was really hard to forget it. It was so real in my dream, even though it's so far from reality it's not even funny. I hate dreaming.