I am jigsaw girl whos missing alot of pieces......
It feels almost safe to write in here again. I know no one reads this damn thing. It helps thats I never post anymore.
Tonight, is another story...
I am unhappy. Suprise, suprise-I know. This year has proven this statement rather well.
Jan 1st-hospital
Feb 14th-broke <3s
Mar 3rd-bday blackout 09!
Apr 26th-detox
3/4 of those months were due to BOOZE. I'm done. I hate feelings this way. I hate blackingout. Detox was the last straw. This past weekend could have turned out way worse than it did. I am very lucky and I need to start living this life, instead of wasting it away.
Now, my questions is, HOW? How do i climb up from the bottom? Wont it be slippery? Im afraid i am not strong enough anymore to do it.
"I hurt myself today, to see if i can feel. I focus on the pain, the only thing thats real"
Here's a list of things i want to change:
1.)my living situation
2.)gain a car
3.)second job
4.)school
5.)be more productive
6.)take my hurt and turn it to art
7.)stop hiding from my hurt with booze and drugs
(these are in no paticular order, btw. Its just in the order my brain is spitting them out)
8.)fix mother
9.)volunteer
10.)start excersing
Iim sure theres much more. Though, not to your suprise, i am high.
its been two days without booze. 0 days without pot. im working on it....
UUUUuuuuuugh.
Wheres my fairygodmother when you need her!!!!!!
.FIN.
-JG
Tonight, is another story...
I am unhappy. Suprise, suprise-I know. This year has proven this statement rather well.
Jan 1st-hospital
Feb 14th-broke <3s
Mar 3rd-bday blackout 09!
Apr 26th-detox
3/4 of those months were due to BOOZE. I'm done. I hate feelings this way. I hate blackingout. Detox was the last straw. This past weekend could have turned out way worse than it did. I am very lucky and I need to start living this life, instead of wasting it away.
Now, my questions is, HOW? How do i climb up from the bottom? Wont it be slippery? Im afraid i am not strong enough anymore to do it.
"I hurt myself today, to see if i can feel. I focus on the pain, the only thing thats real"
Here's a list of things i want to change:
1.)my living situation
2.)gain a car
3.)second job
4.)school
5.)be more productive
6.)take my hurt and turn it to art
7.)stop hiding from my hurt with booze and drugs
(these are in no paticular order, btw. Its just in the order my brain is spitting them out)
8.)fix mother
9.)volunteer
10.)start excersing
Iim sure theres much more. Though, not to your suprise, i am high.
its been two days without booze. 0 days without pot. im working on it....
UUUUuuuuuugh.
Wheres my fairygodmother when you need her!!!!!!
.FIN.
-JG