Why do I seem consistantly confused lately???
I don't get it...no joke, I'm perfectly happy and excited one minute about the adventures I'm gonna have over the next year, the next minute, I'm bawling my eyes out because I saw something that reminded me of my sisters or Ilse or OC or something. Holy cow, I wish my mind would make up it's mind on whether it's happy to go or not. Does that make any sense???
Does it also make any sense that I screwed up again? And not just once, but multiple times....? I let myself get back to the point of, well, it's not so bad. BUT IT IS. AND I MUST NOT. Just don't tell...A certain person would have my HIDE for it...no joke.
HAHAHAHAHA!!!! My sister just started talking in her sleep!!! She was yelling something about energy and getting her...HAHAHAHAHA!!! I should go poke at her and make her talk to me. I could get some useful information to hold over her head...she'd hate that....LOL.
Why am I so scared to tell people that I don't know if I'm totally excited about Jersey or not? Why do I feel like I should put on a front of, "Yeah I'm great and I'm gonna love it looking forward now!" when I really wanna say "I dunno...I don't want to leave my friends and family and home just because I can't afford to live there and I'm NOT looking forward to being air-sick getting there." I feel like I have to protect people from hearing the truth.
I think I'm at the point of where I can crash now...it's kicked in...I can feel it. And I feel guilty again. Why do I always feel the guilt AFTER the fact??? *sigh* I'll just why myself to sleep now.
Does it also make any sense that I screwed up again? And not just once, but multiple times....? I let myself get back to the point of, well, it's not so bad. BUT IT IS. AND I MUST NOT. Just don't tell...A certain person would have my HIDE for it...no joke.
HAHAHAHAHA!!!! My sister just started talking in her sleep!!! She was yelling something about energy and getting her...HAHAHAHAHA!!! I should go poke at her and make her talk to me. I could get some useful information to hold over her head...she'd hate that....LOL.
Why am I so scared to tell people that I don't know if I'm totally excited about Jersey or not? Why do I feel like I should put on a front of, "Yeah I'm great and I'm gonna love it looking forward now!" when I really wanna say "I dunno...I don't want to leave my friends and family and home just because I can't afford to live there and I'm NOT looking forward to being air-sick getting there." I feel like I have to protect people from hearing the truth.
I think I'm at the point of where I can crash now...it's kicked in...I can feel it. And I feel guilty again. Why do I always feel the guilt AFTER the fact??? *sigh* I'll just why myself to sleep now.