(no subject)
So I really feel like my friends here don't understand me at all. When I tell them that I have nothing to do and no one to hang out with, I'm not joking!! Its my last weekend in DC, and its a beautiful day, but sometimes I just get tired of doing things by myself. Eddie and Scott went downtown today, and I don't understand why they didn't call me. They KNOW I leave on tuesday, they KNOW I have nothing to do, they KNOW I love going to the mall. I know they are just careless, etc. But since Michael left, they have hung out with me only 2 times (thats 2 times in 3 weeks). And I really don't have any other friends. Its like once Michael leaves they totally forget about me - like they are only friends with me because of him. And even though I'm sure thats not completely true, it still sucks to be thinking it. They are trying to plan my last night in town dinner, and it just seems so forced.
So I've not done anything for the past few weeks. I watch at least 6 hours of TV a day, and on the weekends more like 10. Its a pathetic existence. Between sitting in the math department between 8 and 11 hours a day, and watching TV for the rest of it, I'm gaining weight, and I don't feel happy. But it just gets harder and harder to do things by myself all the time. And going days without any human contact really starts to get to me. I can barely stop crying.
Probably the worst thing in all of this is that Michael, at home in Kansas, has been too busy to talk to me on the phone. At all. So on top of all these horrible feelings, the person that I usually talk to about stuff isn't there for me. I'm so used to telling him everything, I don't even know what to do with myself, and it just makes me feel more and more alone. And of course, thats making me more upset on top of it all.
What I want to know is, did I do this to myself? Am I too shy? I don't really call the others, but thats because I'm never doing anything to invite others along to, and I hate inviting myself. Is it too much to ask them to invite me? Am I too dependent on Michael for a, social life, b, sanity? Luckily, I have tons of time to ponder why I suck.
So I've not done anything for the past few weeks. I watch at least 6 hours of TV a day, and on the weekends more like 10. Its a pathetic existence. Between sitting in the math department between 8 and 11 hours a day, and watching TV for the rest of it, I'm gaining weight, and I don't feel happy. But it just gets harder and harder to do things by myself all the time. And going days without any human contact really starts to get to me. I can barely stop crying.
Probably the worst thing in all of this is that Michael, at home in Kansas, has been too busy to talk to me on the phone. At all. So on top of all these horrible feelings, the person that I usually talk to about stuff isn't there for me. I'm so used to telling him everything, I don't even know what to do with myself, and it just makes me feel more and more alone. And of course, thats making me more upset on top of it all.
What I want to know is, did I do this to myself? Am I too shy? I don't really call the others, but thats because I'm never doing anything to invite others along to, and I hate inviting myself. Is it too much to ask them to invite me? Am I too dependent on Michael for a, social life, b, sanity? Luckily, I have tons of time to ponder why I suck.