(no subject)

[babybrighteyes]

holy

fucking

shit.

i knew this day would come. i thought after all this time i'd be prepared for it, but instead i just denied it. for YEARS i pretended. you weren't supposed to ruin it for me. you weren't supposed to find me. or maybe you were. oh god it's happened and i have to face it and acknowledge this tragic chapter. it was real. you were real. and now you're here. i kept the tape. you never knew. you never knew about the fourth of july. the hospital. i haven't spoken of it in so long. what do i do with this? with you? oh god too real too real. you are not real YOU ARE RIGHT HERE. i had dreams we met again and talked. i figured that was enough closure. but no, i never got closure, i erased the whole thing. i erased you. you liar. you liar. you are not real. you are a lie.

i don't know if i can do this. okay, i don't care what you think of me now. you can't hurt me now. i have no reason to be afraid.

you look so much older. but i guess we both do.

you are not the devil.
you are not the devil.
you are not the devil.
you are not the devil.
you are not the devil.

once upon a time you were my starfish. then i went crazy. then i died. the end.