Alone...
I had to work all day today 7-4 wicked long day. I had to take my lunch at 11-12 and I was so tired so I figured I would just go relax in my car… well I ended up passing out with the window only open a crack and I woke up and I think I got heat stroke. Because I was wicked fucked up. Then I had to go back to work and it was so busy and I wanted nothing more then to say FUCK YOU ALL and just leave, Lately I have been in suck a bad mood, well just today. So I got out and came home and my grandma was here and I hung out with my family then came on here to see if Darin was on and he wasn’t but then I was going to go take a nap and he got on. And we talked about camping and I guess we are going Thursday, but after that he was going out with Don and I wanted him to come over, but he already made plans… and like right then and ever since I have NEVER felt so lonely in my entire life, and it is the worst feeling ever, usually on the 4th of July I get wicked excited for fireworks and they are going to be going off in like and hour and I’m staying home. I guess I really don’t have any ambition to go. Or want to go… I just have that feeling in my throat when you are about to cry… and you don’t want to and you keep “swallowing” it. I don’t even know anymore. I have had so many chances to go do whatever I wanted tonight and I just turned them all down because I wanted to hang out with Darin but O well I guess… no big deal, I just cant wait to get away for 3 days even thou it doesn’t seem like a lot, it is. I just want to get away from work, people, emotions, drama… and just say fuck it and hang out and not care! All I want to do right now is smoke a fat joint and drink tons of bud light, to the point of not knowing my name… but instead I’ll sit here and mope like a little bitch about life, that in reality isn’t that bad, but I want so much more… and cant have it. O well thou at least Darin is out having fun tonight….. And I’m sitting home, by myself doing nothing… its ok thou I guess he needs to get back at me from last night…:’( HOLY FUCK… I have NEVER felt so alone before in my entire life…