Been a long time.. again.
I haven't written in here in a while, so.. why not? I might as well journal out a little bit of my life once in a while.
I remember when I used to write here a lot.. about anything and everything that went on with my life. Nowadays, I don't know what's happened to that.. maybe I'm just lazy, maybe I've been too busy to even sit down and think about my life while around a computer (I only really think when I'm driving lately). Either way, I've fallen out of that trend.. and I guess I'll never get back into the constant journaling thing, but maybe I'll be grateful if I just write some things down.
Life's been fine. I've gotten so busy all of a sudden it's kind of hard to comprehend. Maybe everyone else is right, maybe I'm overwhelming myself.. but hey?
Most of the time it's okay and I can deal with it but just in the past few days.. I feel like throwing up the white flag and going hey, OK, I admit I can't do this.. I give up. I don't even want to think about the stuff I've got to do because ... there just seems to be so much of it, and when I think of it I just can't stand it. I feel like blocking it all out and just going to sleep.
I'm so tired. Almost every day, for no particular reason, even though I get enough sleep/rest/whatever.
Am I going anywhere? Am I going where I want to go? Or am I just sticking myself inside this endless vicious cycle by what I've been doing? Pushing my limits, trying to take on anything and everything in this futile attempt to immerse myself in work so I won't have time to think about where life is going? What lies ahead?
You know I think it's this aspect of me that makes me push certain people away. The fact that I think more than I speak, especially "in real life." I'm only comfortable being myself or joking around, etc. with certain people. It's great in a way but it makes me sad when I don't really get to hang out with them much if at all.
When you distance me from other people I can be perfectly fine, but when you throw my feelings into the mix.. the results get disastrous. Sometimes I think that's why I was never able to keep a relationship going in the past, because I don't like myself as much as I should, so there's always that little voice in the back of my head going.. he doesn't, either. He's just using you. BS after more BS.. or was it true? Do I follow the little voice or do I follow reason? ... Do I even know enough to base anything on reason?
There's so many things I need to fix about how I think and how I perceive things.. I don't know where to start. That, on top of overwhelming myself with work so I can't even start on some self-renewal process (lol).. yeah. It's great because it's keeping my mind off things most of the time, but it's tiresome too, after a while.
I want to rewind my life for so many reasons.. some of them more significant than others. Too bad something like that is impossible =\
I remember when I used to write here a lot.. about anything and everything that went on with my life. Nowadays, I don't know what's happened to that.. maybe I'm just lazy, maybe I've been too busy to even sit down and think about my life while around a computer (I only really think when I'm driving lately). Either way, I've fallen out of that trend.. and I guess I'll never get back into the constant journaling thing, but maybe I'll be grateful if I just write some things down.
Life's been fine. I've gotten so busy all of a sudden it's kind of hard to comprehend. Maybe everyone else is right, maybe I'm overwhelming myself.. but hey?
Most of the time it's okay and I can deal with it but just in the past few days.. I feel like throwing up the white flag and going hey, OK, I admit I can't do this.. I give up. I don't even want to think about the stuff I've got to do because ... there just seems to be so much of it, and when I think of it I just can't stand it. I feel like blocking it all out and just going to sleep.
I'm so tired. Almost every day, for no particular reason, even though I get enough sleep/rest/whatever.
Am I going anywhere? Am I going where I want to go? Or am I just sticking myself inside this endless vicious cycle by what I've been doing? Pushing my limits, trying to take on anything and everything in this futile attempt to immerse myself in work so I won't have time to think about where life is going? What lies ahead?
You know I think it's this aspect of me that makes me push certain people away. The fact that I think more than I speak, especially "in real life." I'm only comfortable being myself or joking around, etc. with certain people. It's great in a way but it makes me sad when I don't really get to hang out with them much if at all.
When you distance me from other people I can be perfectly fine, but when you throw my feelings into the mix.. the results get disastrous. Sometimes I think that's why I was never able to keep a relationship going in the past, because I don't like myself as much as I should, so there's always that little voice in the back of my head going.. he doesn't, either. He's just using you. BS after more BS.. or was it true? Do I follow the little voice or do I follow reason? ... Do I even know enough to base anything on reason?
There's so many things I need to fix about how I think and how I perceive things.. I don't know where to start. That, on top of overwhelming myself with work so I can't even start on some self-renewal process (lol).. yeah. It's great because it's keeping my mind off things most of the time, but it's tiresome too, after a while.
I want to rewind my life for so many reasons.. some of them more significant than others. Too bad something like that is impossible =\