sleep will come when the light has changed to faintest blue
The dreams have returned..this repeated nightmare has been the cause of so many sleepless nights. The struggle to wake myself up is the worst stage, trapped just beneath the surface of consciousness; it feels like drowning. Then to awaken, frozen in terror..it takes awhile just for my heart to slow down and breathing to get back to normal..let alone go back to sleep. So here I am...and you get an update!!! *backspace exclamation points*
listening to Eli read today made me homesick. I'm not sure what for..a six year old's simple world? Something about overhearing her constant little voice picking out the words one by one (I didn't even know she could read..where have I been?); maybe it was just discussions of late with my parents about my future..or lack of one.
hmm..ok, I will try to make this a little more interesting for you..uh..this afternoon while I was finishing my homework at the kitchen table before class I heard the biggest crash EVER...upon rushing into the living room, I am greeted by the sight of our GIANT tree in the middle of the floor surrounded by shattered ornaments. My family is so cursed when it comes to Christmas trees. So now it's sort of shoved sideways in the corner between the couch and the wall, til we get another tree stand. If we even get around to doing that.. That was the only really exciting thing that happened today..other than the guy coming driving the wrong way on the one way road on my way home today. That was more annoying than exciting. Tonigh I was initially incredibly bummed about missing hang-out time with Tim, Nate, & Frank *and Emmy* There are always at least 5 different things I want to do on the same night, and then the rest of the nights are just empty and lonely. It's almost as if I have a life! haha, so close... But anyway, instead I went with Mom and Melia to see The Messiah. I get chills throughout the entire thing (most at the hallelujah chorus, of course..). This time we were sitting close enough to pick out the features of all the musicians..watching them is amazing..so fascinating. I guess balcony seats wouldn't be as fun now that I'm too old to make paper airplanes out of the programs and throw them down on people..(what am I thinking?? I'm not too old for that!!). The tenor was a dead-on Buddy look alike, so it was really hard to keep a straight face whenever he sang. Images of Llamas and magazine eyes and other Buddy related things kept coming up in my head. I hope they come for Christmas again..
ahh, so much to do before Christmas. Kris and Chris are coming home soon :) !!
mm I'll probably regret not going back and editing what I wrote, in the morning, well, later this morning..oh well..listening to a few wonderful songs made me feel better..maybe I'll risk sleep again.
oh, and
Everyone longs to give himself completely to someone, to have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively...but God to a Christian says:
"No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content with being loved by me alone, discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, will you be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you.
You will never be united with another until you are united with Me, exclusive of anyone or anything else.
I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing...one that you cannot imagine. I want you to have the best, please allow Me to bring it to you. Just keep watching me, expecting the greatest things. Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am. Keep listening and learning the things I tell you. You just wait, that's all.
Don't be anxious. Don't worry. Don't look around at the things others have, their plan is not the same as yours. Don't look at thing you want. You just keep looking off and away and up at Me, or you will miss what I want to show you. And then when you're ready, I'll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than you could ever dream. You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have for you is ready (I am working even at this moment to have both of you ready at the same time) and until you are both satisfied exclusively with me and the life I have prepared for you, you won't be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me.
And this is the Perfect Love...Dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me and to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty, perfection and love that I offer you with myself. Know that I utterly love you, much more than you love yourself, I am God...believe it and be satisfied." is worth reading.
important p.s. Would anyone like to join me for the SoCo show on the 27th? ..of course, you all have already commented and editing this entry is kind of pointless..
listening to Eli read today made me homesick. I'm not sure what for..a six year old's simple world? Something about overhearing her constant little voice picking out the words one by one (I didn't even know she could read..where have I been?); maybe it was just discussions of late with my parents about my future..or lack of one.
hmm..ok, I will try to make this a little more interesting for you..uh..this afternoon while I was finishing my homework at the kitchen table before class I heard the biggest crash EVER...upon rushing into the living room, I am greeted by the sight of our GIANT tree in the middle of the floor surrounded by shattered ornaments. My family is so cursed when it comes to Christmas trees. So now it's sort of shoved sideways in the corner between the couch and the wall, til we get another tree stand. If we even get around to doing that.. That was the only really exciting thing that happened today..other than the guy coming driving the wrong way on the one way road on my way home today. That was more annoying than exciting. Tonigh I was initially incredibly bummed about missing hang-out time with Tim, Nate, & Frank *and Emmy* There are always at least 5 different things I want to do on the same night, and then the rest of the nights are just empty and lonely. It's almost as if I have a life! haha, so close... But anyway, instead I went with Mom and Melia to see The Messiah. I get chills throughout the entire thing (most at the hallelujah chorus, of course..). This time we were sitting close enough to pick out the features of all the musicians..watching them is amazing..so fascinating. I guess balcony seats wouldn't be as fun now that I'm too old to make paper airplanes out of the programs and throw them down on people..(what am I thinking?? I'm not too old for that!!). The tenor was a dead-on Buddy look alike, so it was really hard to keep a straight face whenever he sang. Images of Llamas and magazine eyes and other Buddy related things kept coming up in my head. I hope they come for Christmas again..
ahh, so much to do before Christmas. Kris and Chris are coming home soon :) !!
mm I'll probably regret not going back and editing what I wrote, in the morning, well, later this morning..oh well..listening to a few wonderful songs made me feel better..maybe I'll risk sleep again.
oh, and
Everyone longs to give himself completely to someone, to have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively...but God to a Christian says:
"No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content with being loved by me alone, discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, will you be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you.
You will never be united with another until you are united with Me, exclusive of anyone or anything else.
I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing...one that you cannot imagine. I want you to have the best, please allow Me to bring it to you. Just keep watching me, expecting the greatest things. Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am. Keep listening and learning the things I tell you. You just wait, that's all.
Don't be anxious. Don't worry. Don't look around at the things others have, their plan is not the same as yours. Don't look at thing you want. You just keep looking off and away and up at Me, or you will miss what I want to show you. And then when you're ready, I'll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than you could ever dream. You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have for you is ready (I am working even at this moment to have both of you ready at the same time) and until you are both satisfied exclusively with me and the life I have prepared for you, you won't be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me.
And this is the Perfect Love...Dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me and to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty, perfection and love that I offer you with myself. Know that I utterly love you, much more than you love yourself, I am God...believe it and be satisfied." is worth reading.
important p.s. Would anyone like to join me for the SoCo show on the 27th? ..of course, you all have already commented and editing this entry is kind of pointless..