One last dedication...
I'm having a 'morbidly depressed' moment right now, and I have to get it off my chest (again). This is the longest, most "heart-ripping" journal entry, I have ever written! It's about Pete Wentz, of Fall Out Boy:
I just finished watching the Peter Pan movie (with Jeremy Sumpter), needless to say, I'm crying. Moments like these, make me feel like I just wanna lie down and die!
Another thing that doesn't mix too well with that , I just read YOUR latest Journal entry on the FOB site, and it made me feel even worse, because it was so true!
Yeah, I would definitely stand outside the front gates of a show, starve and freeze to death, out in the pouring rain, just to say "Hi", and maybe if I'm lucky enough, give you a hug (and feel the warmth of your body against mine), would that be too much to ask?
But, I'm not a kid, I'm a woman, who will never grow up like everyone else! I've got nothing better to do now, my former life, as I knew it, is over. The only thing I have left, is retreating to my own world, never having to worry about responsibilities or anything that goes around in the real world. Although I feel incomplete, now that my family's been ripped apart... Does it matter?
Probably not, you're not real! You're a "rockstar"! All the girls want to date "rockstars", but that's ll never happen, unless the girl is a wealthy, lucky, "happy-with-life" kind of girl!
I guess I'll never be good enough, to have somebody like you, I'm just a poor girl, who's been kicked in the face and mocked, since birth. Moved out at 16, cuz' my parents couldn't handle me, being emo, had my first kid at 17, to a man wich I stayed with for 13 year. At 21, I got into an accident with my 2nd born son, and he is severely disabled for life, as a result. My life went downhill after that...
Because of depression, and the lifestyle in wich I lived, I was kicked out of the house, and my family got torn appart!
I just want my pain to end, once and for all! I'm tired of all this suffering already! I've suffered immensely since that cold november morning, when my life was shattered to pieces! Things will never be the way they once were! I could never go on, and start my life from scratch! A little bit of happiness, is ALL I ask for! I just want to die a happy woman! My upcoming 30th birthday (april 20th), is not anticipated.
My life is a living hell, and has been for the past 6 months, I dunno what else to do, or who else to turn to! I thought maybe, perhaps, some of your friends, wich I had a few on here for a long time, could help me, but I ended up getting bitched at by your ex-GF. I SWEAR, I had NO idea, that stuff was still going on between the two of you! I honestly thought you and her, were apart, and that you went through severe depression because of that.
Listen, I'm totally devastated now, I never meant to come between the two of you. I thought you were now on your own, and you were looking for someone to comfort you, and care for you. I no longer have my sons to care for, nor could I ever have anymore, I'm all alone in my world.
Again, I'm so sorry (to her too, she seems like such a nice girl)...
This will hopefully be the last entry about you, that I write. I don't want to keep going on, repeating, or making other people "mad" at me, because I've asked them for help, to try to reach out to you. I just want you to let me know, that you're real, and that you heard what I've had to say. That is all.
I love you deeply, but I must leave it as is (It hurts me too much just to even look at you!), but I will leave my door a slight crack open, in case you decide to let me hear from you...
Danielle
P.S. Patrick would be my other choice (loving that guy is painful too, just in a different way), cuz' he reminds me of my youngest son, wich I miss greatly.
I just finished watching the Peter Pan movie (with Jeremy Sumpter), needless to say, I'm crying. Moments like these, make me feel like I just wanna lie down and die!
Another thing that doesn't mix too well with that , I just read YOUR latest Journal entry on the FOB site, and it made me feel even worse, because it was so true!
Yeah, I would definitely stand outside the front gates of a show, starve and freeze to death, out in the pouring rain, just to say "Hi", and maybe if I'm lucky enough, give you a hug (and feel the warmth of your body against mine), would that be too much to ask?
But, I'm not a kid, I'm a woman, who will never grow up like everyone else! I've got nothing better to do now, my former life, as I knew it, is over. The only thing I have left, is retreating to my own world, never having to worry about responsibilities or anything that goes around in the real world. Although I feel incomplete, now that my family's been ripped apart... Does it matter?
Probably not, you're not real! You're a "rockstar"! All the girls want to date "rockstars", but that's ll never happen, unless the girl is a wealthy, lucky, "happy-with-life" kind of girl!
I guess I'll never be good enough, to have somebody like you, I'm just a poor girl, who's been kicked in the face and mocked, since birth. Moved out at 16, cuz' my parents couldn't handle me, being emo, had my first kid at 17, to a man wich I stayed with for 13 year. At 21, I got into an accident with my 2nd born son, and he is severely disabled for life, as a result. My life went downhill after that...
Because of depression, and the lifestyle in wich I lived, I was kicked out of the house, and my family got torn appart!
I just want my pain to end, once and for all! I'm tired of all this suffering already! I've suffered immensely since that cold november morning, when my life was shattered to pieces! Things will never be the way they once were! I could never go on, and start my life from scratch! A little bit of happiness, is ALL I ask for! I just want to die a happy woman! My upcoming 30th birthday (april 20th), is not anticipated.
My life is a living hell, and has been for the past 6 months, I dunno what else to do, or who else to turn to! I thought maybe, perhaps, some of your friends, wich I had a few on here for a long time, could help me, but I ended up getting bitched at by your ex-GF. I SWEAR, I had NO idea, that stuff was still going on between the two of you! I honestly thought you and her, were apart, and that you went through severe depression because of that.
Listen, I'm totally devastated now, I never meant to come between the two of you. I thought you were now on your own, and you were looking for someone to comfort you, and care for you. I no longer have my sons to care for, nor could I ever have anymore, I'm all alone in my world.
Again, I'm so sorry (to her too, she seems like such a nice girl)...
This will hopefully be the last entry about you, that I write. I don't want to keep going on, repeating, or making other people "mad" at me, because I've asked them for help, to try to reach out to you. I just want you to let me know, that you're real, and that you heard what I've had to say. That is all.
I love you deeply, but I must leave it as is (It hurts me too much just to even look at you!), but I will leave my door a slight crack open, in case you decide to let me hear from you...
Danielle
P.S. Patrick would be my other choice (loving that guy is painful too, just in a different way), cuz' he reminds me of my youngest son, wich I miss greatly.