(no subject)
i bathed for two and a half hours when i got home from school. i still don't totally feel clean. but i never really minded being dirty to begin with, i clean mostly because other people do and expect me to as well.
an adult assumed today that i was experienced sexually. this was strange because it made an earlier revelation slightly more depressing.
1. i will graduate in two mods
2. i will graduate a virgin
it's just not what i expected out of life at all. mostly because i did not think life would last this long, and now every morning i wake up and the day is a miracle. each thing i encounter is new and wonderful. terrifying, sometimes horrifying and disturbing, but wonderful all the same.
i am just so unprepared for growing up, so i face the challenges of adulthood with the wonder of a child. the warm weather will come soon it will wrap me in it's love.
my eyes play tricks on me some days. i thought there was a monster in my room this morning and then at lunch i thought i was sitting on a bench when it was actually a chair (and a narrow one at that) and i nearly fell over. this all was very funny to me, but not to anyone else so the story was flat.
i've got that blooming sensation again. the need to be obscenely abstract is upon me. these are all things in our reality, just rearanged and jumbled and pieced together with tape. the little trips in our head. responding to victoria, calling fries chips, these are all just blips in the system but they makes us think. i'm rambling now, head mush, nothing that anyone else or myself in the future will be able to make any sense of. it's just memories of the past and future.
i feel okay. this is significant. i also feel like i am slowly fading into the background, slowly becoming quieter and slower and gentler.
an adult assumed today that i was experienced sexually. this was strange because it made an earlier revelation slightly more depressing.
1. i will graduate in two mods
2. i will graduate a virgin
it's just not what i expected out of life at all. mostly because i did not think life would last this long, and now every morning i wake up and the day is a miracle. each thing i encounter is new and wonderful. terrifying, sometimes horrifying and disturbing, but wonderful all the same.
i am just so unprepared for growing up, so i face the challenges of adulthood with the wonder of a child. the warm weather will come soon it will wrap me in it's love.
my eyes play tricks on me some days. i thought there was a monster in my room this morning and then at lunch i thought i was sitting on a bench when it was actually a chair (and a narrow one at that) and i nearly fell over. this all was very funny to me, but not to anyone else so the story was flat.
i've got that blooming sensation again. the need to be obscenely abstract is upon me. these are all things in our reality, just rearanged and jumbled and pieced together with tape. the little trips in our head. responding to victoria, calling fries chips, these are all just blips in the system but they makes us think. i'm rambling now, head mush, nothing that anyone else or myself in the future will be able to make any sense of. it's just memories of the past and future.
i feel okay. this is significant. i also feel like i am slowly fading into the background, slowly becoming quieter and slower and gentler.